humor – Page 23 – Go Retire Psychiatrist

Get Ready to Vaccinate Your Chickens!

I’ve heard about the recent contract a drug company (Zoetis) obtained to make chicken vaccine for the H5N1 bird flu virus which is hopping from birds to cows and even to humans. So far, I haven’t heard that the bird flu is transmitted between humans.

As far as eating eggs, I’ve read that the chance of getting bird flu is pretty slim—but experts tell you to cook your eggs to a temperature above 165 degrees. No soft egg yolks for me.

Anyway, Zoetis is making a vaccine for chickens. I got to wondering how you would vaccinate chickens. Obviously, you have to catch them first, wrestle them down to the barnyard floor and stick a needle into them somewhere under all the feathers.

There’s a Wikihow with instructions (including a video) for giving chickens vaccines. One of them says to inject the bird in the spot for which you have the easiest access and which is the “most comfortable for the chicken.”

How do you tell which is the most comfortable spot for the chicken to be impaled by a needle? Maybe it’s marked by a Walgreens sticker. You have to sterilize the spot, maybe with a splash of that moonshine you’re making on your property. Make sure you don’t drink any of it during the vaccination process. You want to make sure of your aim.

When and how do you wrap a rubber band around the beak? You know darn well the chicken is going to peck you. You can tell we don’t have chickens in the backyard.

And then there are all the stories on the internet about how chickens can run around for a short while even after their heads are cut off. If they’re that energetic without their heads attached, how much more frantic are they going to be if they see you chasing after them with a needle? And remember, you’re going to probably poke them in the neck. Chickens know that. They also know you’re wearing only thin rubber gloves.

And aren’t chicken farms or ranches or coops, whatever, just chock full of thousands of chickens? Vaccinating all of them is a dawn to dusk proposition so you better have your Wheaties in the morning.

Are the roosters also up for the vaccine? One way to get them ready is to let them crow until they pass out. Then you can poke them. You’re welcome.

Rife vs Ripe: Which is Right?

I noticed a couple of things about one of the President’s many new Executive Orders, which was “ESTABLISHING THE PRESIDENT’S MAKE AMERICA HEALTHY AGAIN COMMISSION,” or MAHA for short. It was posted on February 13, 2025. One thing it reminded me of is the tax filing season, which is upon us (everything reminds me of the tax filing season around this time of year). The other thing was a short article about the IRS, which is cutting staff sharply in response, probably as a response to the federal government workforce layoffs generally. One sentence in the article read:

“The IRS layoffs, first reported by the New York Times, come as part of a broader effort by President Donald Trump and Elon Musk’s overhaul of the federal government, which they argue is too bloated and inefficient, and ripe with waste and fraud.”

I put the word “ripe” in bold-face type because I sensed that the writer probably meant “rife” instead. I looked up the definitions of both just to make sure: Rife means abundant and ripe means mature (possibly overly mature as in smelly and ready for the garbage can).

I wonder if “rife” or “ripe” could apply to MAHA. I’m all for making us healthy. I agree with promoting health. I’m not sure what is meant by “assess the prevalence of and threat posed by the prescription of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, stimulants, and weight-loss drugs.” It sounds like a shot across the bow for psychiatrists and primary care physicians.

Some of the content may be either “rife” (or is it “ripe”?) with potentially misleading innuendo, implying that health care professionals are not doing all we can already to promote health. I agree with promoting research into the “root causes” for mental illness. However, some people need psychiatric medications for “just managing disease.” Reducing the suffering of those who are tortured by depression and delusions and hallucinations makes sense because that’s the humane thing to do.

This reminds me of a very interesting article about what some scientists think about how life began on this planet and how it might start elsewhere in the universe. Some think life evolves mainly by chance, by a cosmic accident. Others think it’s inevitable and occurs when planetary conditions are right. So that might mean there’s a good chance there are extraterrestrials are out there. If they are, what would they think of us?

And this reminds me of a quote from the movie, Men in Black. Agent K is showing Edwards a universal translator, one of the many wonders in the extraterrestrial technology room, which gives us a perspective on how humans rank in the universe:

Agent K: We’re not even supposed to have it. I’ll tell you why. Human thought is so primitive it’s looked upon as an infectious disease in some of the better galaxies.

So is the universe “rife” with life—or is it “ripe”?

Sena Double Dog Dared Me to Try the Electric Snow Shovel!

Well, the snow kept coming down. I had to go back out to shovel. I was going to use my plow shovel, but Sena said I was too chicken to try the electric snow shovel.

I couldn’t back down.

So, I had to go out there, after the wind had changed mind you, and use the battery powered shovel. I got snow all over me because no matter what I did to adjust the snow deflectors, the snow just blew back in my face.

I could have been a contender.

Super Bowl Commercial “Mean Joe Frank” 2025 Looked Familiar!

We watched the Super Bowl last night and one of the many commercials (always a big thing) looked vaguely familiar only after Sena pointed it out. It was the Fareway Frank commercial about Fareway stores. It was a reprise of the famous 1979 Coca-Cola commercial with Mean Joe Green, defensive tackle for the Pittsburg Steelers and a kid. When you compare them, the similarities are obvious. There are two Fareway commercials that are the same, but have different titles, one of them being “Mean Joe Frank.”

The Hey Kid, Catch commercial with Mean Joe Green featured a 9-year-old kid named Tommy Okon. I couldn’t find a name for the kid in the “Mean Joe Frank” version.

But you can find film information on Turner Classic Movies titled “The Steeler and the Pittsburgh Kid” which is based on the commercial. The kid is Henry Martin who later starred in the movie, “E.T. The Extraterrestrial” (1982).

This led to reminiscence of Fareway Store in Mason City, Iowa. I used to walk to Fareway to get groceries and walked back carrying at least two big paper sacks. My arms were always pretty sore when I got home. I used a wagon later on, but had to be careful crossing the railroad tracks on the way back to ensure the eggs didn’t break.

There are Fareway stores all across Iowa and several neighboring states now, but the first one opened in Boone, Iowa in 1938. It popularized the idea of shoppers picking out their own items from the shelves rather than letting a store employee pick them out from the shopper’s list. The store name was inspired by what was sold (“fare”) and treating customers and employees fairly.

The Fareway Frank character was called Forrest Frank in 2024 although it looks like the company has settled on Fareway Frank.

The other Iowa connection worth mentioning is that rookie defensive player for the Philadelphia Eagles (Super Bowl winners), Cooper DeJean, who played for the University of Iowa Hawkeye football team, made a pick-6 interception touchdown in the game.

While the Fareway Frank version of the Super Bowl commercials line-up didn’t make the short list (or any list for that matter) of favorites, it sure did bring back memories for us.

The Big Mo Pod Show: “Variety is the Spice of Life”

We heard the Big Mo Blues Show last night and heard a couple of tunes that were fun. One of them was mentioned on the Big Mo Pod Show today, “Feelin’ Alright” by Stuff. The other was a riot but was not on the podcast, and it was “I Feel So Good (I Wanna Boogie” by Magic Sam.

The one that brought back memories was “Feelin’ Alright” by Stuff. It sounded so familiar and we finally figured out it was a cover of song of the same title and sung by Joe Cocker (the one I remember). However, I guess it was originally written by Dave Mason of the group Traffic in 1968. And there’s even an album “Joe Cocker With Stuff Feelin’ Alright.”

The one Big Mo played last night was from the album Stuff Live at Montreux 1976. It was instrumental and hard to recognize at first. The lyrics are sad, though and it’s about unrequited love, I guess. I associated it years ago with drug and alcohol addiction after seeing the 2012 movie “Flight” on TV. Every scene in which the main character Whip Whitaker (played by Denzel Washington) got high, that song was a part of the scene.

Anyway, moving right along, the song that was not on the podcast and which was a whole lot of fun to listen to was “I Feel So Good (I Wanna Boogie) by Magic Sam. We’ve never heard of him but the way he sang the number made us laugh out loud.

The title of the podcast was right on target: “Variety is the Spice of Life.”

Okay, We Can Laugh Now!

Yesterday, I wrote a pretty serious post. Now I’m in withdrawal from jokes, but I can fix that.

Here’s a joke link to a site which has clean jokes for everyone.

And here are some Chuck Norris jokes (facts?) for everyone else. One of my personal favorites:

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Give me your favorite clean jokes. I double-dog dare you.

My Mt. Rushmore Dream

Lately, I’ve been anticipating my eventual immortalization as a sculptured stone bust on Mt. Rushmore. Hopefully, this will be fairly soon because I’m not getting any younger.

Among my many inventions is the internet. Don’t believe Al Gore, although he has persuaded others about his role in the development of what I argue should properly be called the world wide web. I’ve invented a lot of other things which I’ll tell you more about just as soon as I make them up.

Before I forget it, I want to tell you what I just noticed last night while I watching one of my favorite X-Files episodes, “War of the Coprophages.” I guess I never noticed that the cockroach invasion was about Artificial Intelligence (AI). It was the scientist, Dr. Ivanov, who mentioned it first and I just missed it the first few hundred times I saw the show.

Dr. Ivanov clearly thought that anybody who thought extraterrestrials would be green and have big eyes was probably crazy. Traveling across galaxies through wormholes and whatnot would tear humanoid organisms apart. The practical approach would be to send AI robots instead. You could see Mulder cringe at that idea. The little robot that kept edging closer to Mulder made him nervous and when he asked Dr. Ivanov why it did that, his reply was “Because it likes you.”

That doesn’t exactly fit with Ivanov’s other idea about extraterrestrials, which is that they would focus on important tasks like getting enough food, procreating, etc. without getting all emotional about them. Ironic that Dr. Ivanov made an AI robot that gets a crush on a sesame seed munching UFO hunter like Mulder.

However, the AI robots in the show are cockroaches which love to eat dung. In other words, they’re full of crap.

Moving right along, although I didn’t invent it, there’s a card game called schnapsen that Sena and I are trying to relearn. It’s kind of a break from cribbage. It’s a trick taking game with just a 20-card deck. We play the version that doesn’t allow you to look at your cards to see how many points you have so you can tell when you can close the deck or go out, meaning you have the 66 points to win. You have to remember how many points you’ve won in tricks. I think it’s a good way to keep your memory sharp.

Let’s see; I’ve lost every game so far, but that doesn’t mean I won’t end up with my bust on Mt. Rushmore.

Artificial Intelligence in Managing Messages from Patients

I ran across another interesting article in the JAMA Network about Artificial Intelligence (AI) with respect to health care organization managing messages from patients to doctors and nurse. The shorthand for this in the article is “in-basket burden.” Health care workers respond to a large number of patients’ questions and it can lead to burnout. Some organizations are trying to test AI by letting it make draft replies to patients. The results of the quality improvement study were published in a paper:

English E, Laughlin J, Sippel J, DeCamp M, Lin C. Utility of Artificial Intelligence–Generative Draft Replies to Patient Messages. JAMA Netw Open. 2024;7(10):e2438573. doi:10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2024.38573

One of the fascinating things about this is the trouble we have naming the problems with misinformation that AI has. We tend to use a couple of terms interchangeably: hallucinations and confabulation. Whatever you call it, the problem interferes with communication between health care workers and patients.

Dr. English describes the interference as a “whack-a-mole” issue, meaning every time they think they got the hallucination/confabulation problem licked, the AI comes up with another case of miscommunication.

Just for fun, I did a web search trying to find out whether “hallucination” or “confabulation” fit the AI behavior best. Computer experts tend to use the term “hallucination” and neuropsychologists seem to prefer “confabulation.” I think this community chat site gives a pretty even-handed discussion of the distinction. I prefer the term “confabulation.”

Anyway, there are other substantive issues with how using AI drafts for patient messaging affects communication. I think it’s interesting that patients tend to think AI is more empathetic than medical practitioners. As Dr. English puts it: “This GPT is nicer than most of us,” and “And ChatGPT, or any LLM, isn’t busy. It doesn’t get bored. It doesn’t get tired.” The way that’s worded made me think of a scene from a movie:

OK, so I’m kidding—a little. I think it’s important to move carefully down the path of idealizing AI. I think back to the recent news article about humans teaching AI how to lie and scheme. I remember that I searched the web with the question “Can AI lie?” and getting a reply from Gemini because I have no choice on whether or not it gives me its two cents. I’m paraphrasing but it said essentially, “Yes, AI can lie and we’re getting better with practice.”

I like Dr. English’s last statement, in which she warns us that AI can be a fun tool which clinicians need to have a healthy skepticism about. It may say things you might be tempted to gloss over or even ignore, like:

“I’ll be back.”

New Snow Shovels!

The new shovels were delivered today. Both required some assembly. I’m the least handy person when it comes to that. I did OK with the snow plow but Sena had to come to the rescue when it came to the cordless snow shovel. The handle was tricky for some reason.

The batteries for the electric shovel needed minimal charging and it roared to life. It doesn’t sound like a toy.

Now all we need is snow. I can wait.

Did You Know They Won’t Be Making Yardsticks Any Longer?

Anecdote alert! Sena just got back from shopping and had a priceless little story about shopping for a yardstick for measuring window film to apply on a door window. I suppose I should say that the title of this post is a dad joke that some people might not get.

Sena asked a Menards worker where to find a yardstick. She said the guy looked like he was in his thirties. His English was probably a little rough. He looked puzzled and directed her to the lawn and garden center. She clarified that a yardstick was something like a ruler. He replied that they didn’t carry school supplies.

Another worker was in the same aisle and chuckled. He directed her to where the yardsticks were.

You know, I haven’t seen a yardstick in a long time. We don’t own a ruler although we have a tape measure. Just to let younger people know, a yardstick is typically a piece of wood 36 inches long (which is 3 feet), marked off into inches, and used for measuring things.

The worker who didn’t know what a yardstick was could probably relate to football games because the length of the field is still divided into yards—but only if he’s a football fan, I guess. But you don’t measure distances to a first down on a football field with a yardstick. . Incredibly, they measure it with a chain between two sticks. None of your lasers for the officials.

We had a yardstick in the house where my brother and I grew up. You could also use it to reach stuff that rolled under tables. You could make comparisons by saying “By any yardstick, blah blah.”

And you can make dad jokes about yardsticks. By the way, the company that makes yardsticks won’t be making them any shorter either.