humor – Page 9 – Go Retire Psychiatrist

Relearning How to Drain a Water Heater

After more than a decade of not experiencing the pleasure of gravity draining a water heater, we drained our water heater today. It’s only a year old because the house is new. We did it just because most plumbers recommend you drain your water heater annually and sometimes twice a year.

I had to search the web for instructions, some of which conflicted with each other. One source that was almost comical was on a web site made possible by PlumbingSupplydotcom. There’s no date on it, but it’s for anybody who wants to ask a plumber questions about anything to do with plumbing.

I found a YouTube that made the job fairly simple even for guys like me.

The last time we drained a water heater (in a different house a long time ago), I opened the Temperature and Pressure Relief (TPR) valve as part of the process. The guys who filmed the YouTube didn’t touch it or even mention the TPR valve.

It turns out that opening the TPR valve whenever you drain the water heater might be a matter of opinion. Another way to expedite the emptying process is to just open all the faucets (hot side) in the house. I guess you could do both according to one guy.

One thing I can tell you, opening just one or two faucets might not be enough to get the draining process going fast enough. As one of the plumbers on Plumbing Supply put it, it might be best to open them all. Water drained pretty slowly until I did that.

Although Artificial Intelligence (AI) will tell you it takes about 15-20 minutes, it can take more time for many reasons, so beware of AI guidance because it lies.

I followed the steps outlined in the YouTube video I mentioned above, “2 Easy Ways to flush/drain Water Heaters” posted by The Honest Carpenter. It was only 3 years old and had 2.3 million views and 867 comments when I found it today.

The only tools needed are a flat head screw to open and close the drain valve and a garden hose with a coupling to screw on to the drain valve opening. Watching it drain doesn’t help; it’s too much like watching paint dry.

It’s really not that complicated, at least not as complicated as the back and forth on the Plumbing Supply web site made it sound. There was a suspicion by plumbers that the guy asking how to drain his water heater was making stuff up. One suggested shooting the water heater with a 30:06.

If you’re going to do that, consider first releasing the TPR valve. Just kidding; guns won’t solve this or any other problem!

Addendum: We used a long garden hose, but Sena got a shorter one-for next time!

Iowa State Fair Cribbage Tournament and More!

I just have a few remarks about the Iowa State Fair Cribbage Tournament which took place today. I don’t have the results and it could be a week before anything is announced about the winner. Here are the rules:

Note the $1 entry fee and you have to bring your own cribbage board, cards, and pen. In the past there have been as many as 200 entrants (that was in 2015). We’ve never entered.

I also wanted to let you know that Sena has started a new cribbage tradition. Whenever she wants to play cribbage, she just puts the deck of cards in our automatic shuffler and makes a racket.

Svengoolie Show: “Horror of Dracula” Has a Funny Side!

Well, last night I watched Hammer Films 1958 production of “Horror of Dracula” and because we had some bumpy thunderstorm weather again in eastern Iowa, the movie had to share TV screen space with the weather report. No matter, it didn’t diminish the total creepy and comedic effect of the film. You heard right; I thought parts of it were comical. I know, Christopher Lee had only 7 minutes of screen time and none of it was humorous.

Now I’m sure you believe I hallucinated the comedy bits, but I can provide links to them to prove it. I never ask Artificial Intelligence (AI) anything, but it pipes up without prompting because I can’t get rid of it. AI denied there was any humor in it at first, but when I put the question indirectly by asking about one of the actors, AI had a different answer.

When I searched using the term “George Benson played what part in Horror of Dracula?” AI said: “In the 1958 film Horror of Dracula, George Benson played the role of a Frontier Official. He appears in scenes that border on slapstick comedy where his authority is undermined.”

I think this is interesting because I didn’t find any other web sites that remarked on humorous elements in the film.

The actor, George Benson, plays a coughing Frontier Official who Dr. Van Helsing (Peter Cushing) and Arthur Holmwood (Michael Gough) are questioning in an attempt to track the whereabouts of Dracula by pressuring the official to reveal where Dracula’s coffin was sent. The official coughs his way through various excuses and expressions of the need to obey the laws and so on. Holmwood makes a good show of dramatically waving money under the official’s nose, eventually succeeding by bribery to get the official’s cooperation.

There’s also some near-slapstick after Dracula crashes through the border barrier in his coach while fleeing from Holmwood and Van Helsing. The coughing Frontier Official has to fix the border crossing barrier with rope and a hammer. Right after that he’s frustrated again when Van Helsing and Holmwood crash through the barrier again.

These occur at 59:17 min and 1:16:13 min, respectively on the Internet Archive film I used for reference.

And there’s also an odd comedy bit with the undertaker at 1:03:34 min. J. Marx the undertaker and mortician (Miles Malleson) actually tells a humorous anecdote and slaps Van Helsing on the chest as he laughs at his own lame joke in the context of trying to find Dracula’s coffin. He can’t find it because it’s missing.

I think the humor helps offset the grim and creepy aspects of the film. Dracula (Christopher Lee) doesn’t have any lines after about the first half hour of the movie. He bares his fangs, drools blood, and ogles women while the women ogle back. There are references to addiction and seduction in the vampire’s motivations and the victims’ collusion with him. But eternal life has its drawbacks—skulking in the dark, fear of the light, and being unable to articulate dramatic lines because oversize canine teeth get in the way, just to name a few.

I think the movie might be too intense for sensitive viewers. Otherwise, I thought it was pretty good.

Big Mo Pod Show: “Spiritual IV”

I’m trying to figure out what the meaning of the title is of this week’s Big Mo Pod Show. It’s “Spiritual IV” and I looked at all of his past pod shows looking for Spiritual I-III. I can’t find them.

The other thing I noticed about the pod show is that the theme of many of last night’s songs is less about spirituality and more about carnality and brutality. Now, that doesn’t mean I’m preaching. I just wonder if the title “Spiritual IV” is ironic.

Take the song “Talk to Me Baby” by Elmore James, or “44 Blues” by Little Arthur Duncan. One song that didn’t make the pod show list was “The Circus is Still in Town (The Monkey Song)” by Rick Estrin and the Nightcats. And Buddy Guy sang his new song “Been There Done That,” meaning he’s been to hell and back. He’s 89 years old and still does gritty blues. The music often seems only about sex, violence and drug addiction.

And the discussion gravitated to guns, specifically the .44 caliber handgun. I never knew Muddy Waters carried a gun. Hey, even Big Mo owns a .44. I didn’t make that up; he said so. It weighs about 7 pounds, by the way.

This morning’s pod show is a reminder that a lot of blues music sounds more earthy than spiritual. However, you can usually find at least one spiritual note letting in a little ray of hope. One of the songs featured in the pod show is Sugaray Rayford’s “How the Other Half Lives.” One line seems to offset the misery and injustice in the rest of the lyrics: “Take it slow, find the flow.”

I’m going to put my nickel down on one of last night’s songs that didn’t make to to the pod show list and it’s “Don’t Wanna Go Home” by Eric Gales, featuring Joe Bonamassa. It’s not spiritual. It’s about having a good time—but notice, he paid all of his bills first.

Svengoolie Movie: “Werewolf of London” Comedy Show

I watched the Svengoolie TV show last night and saw the 1935 Universal Pictures movie “Werewolf of London.” You can watch the movie on the Internet Archive.

This film reminded me of another British movie, “Return of the Vampire” in which there was a comedy sketch between two grave diggers. In Werewolf of London there’s this hilarious scene in which the unfortunate Dr. Wilfred Glendon (Harold Hull) meets with a couple of old women named Mrs. Whack (Ethel Griffies) and Mrs. Moncaster (Zeffie Tilbury).

They were a couple of alcoholic landladies with rooms to let who competed with each other to rent a room to Dr. Glendon, who is trying to prevent his murderous tendencies when he transforms into a werewolf by moving out of his house. The scene is priceless, arguably the highlight of the movie, and begins at about 46.41 minutes into the film. Mrs. Whack and Mrs. Moncaster, even though they seem smitten with Dr. Glendon yet hesitate to offer him a drink, probably because they want most of the booze all to themselves.

Dr. Wilfred Glendon (Henry Hull) who is afflicted with “werewolfery” according to the other werewolf, Dr. Yogami. Warner Oland played Yogami, although he was actually Swedish and had played Charlie Chan in other films. They met briefly under violent circumstances while Glendon was in Tibet looking for the Mariphasa flower—although Glendon doesn’t recall that until later.

The thing about the Mariphasa is that drops from the flower are an antidote for lycanthropy. Or is it lycanthrophobia? Dr. Yogami mentions the latter twice and it shows up twice in print as well during the film. Lycanthrophobia is by definition the fear of turning into a werewolf. Lycanthropy is the process of turning into one—minus the fear factor, presumably. Whatever.

Dr. Glendon prowls around and slaughters a few victims when the moon is full but tries to avoid killing his wife, Lisa (Valerie Hobson) by renting a room above a tavern apparently, and crashes though the window of his room, possibly because of claustrophobia. This of course makes him a victim of multiple phobias and there is no one playing the role of psychiatrist; figure that one out.

Eventually, there’s a showdown between two cops and Glendon which takes the form of a 3-way thumb wrestling match between them, mainly because Glendon has an obvious case of dental caries in his fangs which causes some pain, especially when the vodka-swilling comedy duo of Whack and Moncaster try to get him plastered by pouring liquor down his gullet through a funnel.

You’ll want to watch this when you’re in a good mood and disinclined to watch anything that is consistently horrifying. There is no laugh track.

Rethinking the Poem “Thinking”

I found this poem on the web entitled “Think.” The author was listed as “Anonymous.” It’s male centric and I’ve been trying to think of a way to modernize it so it’s more applicable to anyone, male or female. Now, according to Wikipedia, the original was actually written by Walter D. Wintle in the late 19^th or early 20^th century:

Thinking

If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you’d like to win, but you think you can’t,
It is almost a cinch you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’ve lost;
For out in this world we find
Success begins with fellow’s will
It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you’re outclassed, you are;
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win the prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man;
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can!

–Walter D. Wintle

It’s a waste of time writing a variant of it, but it was fun trying:

Thinking (variation):

If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you’d like to win, but you think you can’t,
It is almost a cinch you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’ve lost;
For out in this world we find
Success begins with anyone’s will
It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you’re outclassed, you are;
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win the prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster hand;
But sooner or later the one who wins
Is the one who thinks “I can!”

–Walter D. Wintle with my edits in bold-face type.

The poem is still under copyright so this is just me fooling around. I imagine Wintle is turning in his grave.

Patio Tomatoes Did Not Turn Red!

OK, so Sena picked all the patio tomatoes and most of them didn’t turn red, especially the slicers. She’s done with growing vegetables. I saw an article about why tomatoes don’t turn red and it makes sense. The featured image shows the patio tomatoes in the plastic bucket for comparison with the red store-bought tomatoes. The bigger green ones are the slicers.

I’m a little leery about eating green tomatoes. According to another article, it’s safe to eat them as long as you don’t gorge on a lot of them. You’d have to eat about a pound and a half to get the amount of some compounds called solanine, atropine, and tomatine, which would turn you into an extraterrestrial. And University of Iowa researchers discovered green tomatoes have an alkaloid called tomatidine which may actually build muscles (don’t tell teenage boys!).

Pondering a Mystery in My Past at Huston-Tillotson University

I found a photo of me in the Downs-Jones Library files at Huston-Tillotson University (formerly Huston-Tillotson College) today. It’s the featured image for this post. I was going down memory lane looking at old pictures of former classmates and teachers at H-TU and—there I was. It’s a photo of me in 1975, and it looks like I’m sitting in the Downs-Jones Library on campus posing for the picture. I don’t remember sitting for it. I had hair then and afros were in style.

I was a little worried about copyright issues just downloading or printing the image until I finally noticed the icons for doing both on the web page. I guess they wouldn’t be there if it were prohibited.

What’s also funny is that the caption above my picture says “James Amos—Reporter.” This meant that I was contributing to the college newspaper, The Ramshorn Journal. Funny thing is, I couldn’t remember writing anything for it.

I tried to find copies of the Ramshorn Journal for 1975, but there were only records for issues published in the early to mid-1960s. I guess I’ll never know what I wrote, if anything.

I’m surprised there would be any photos of me at all since I didn’t graduate from H-TU but transferred to Iowa State University and graduated from there in 1985.

I clipped out my photo from a few others. The group included the sponsor of the Ramshorn Journal, the editor, and the typist. That makes it looks I was a part of the staff. I’ll be darned if I remember doing anything for it. If I had written anything, I would think I’d have kept copies. But I have no documents proving it. I don’t have copies of the Ramshorn either. I’m a writer by inclination and habit so this is a mystery.

As I looked through yearbooks, I couldn’t find anyone I could ask about it either. That makes sense because it was 50 years ago. On the other hand, if there are digitized issues of the Ramshorn Journal from the 1960s, there might be some later issues kept somewhere in the library. Maybe there’s something with my byline on it.

If I get curious enough about it, I might ask somebody at the Downs-Jones Library if they could check on it.

Could Thumb Wrestling Make a Comeback?

I was noodling around the web yesterday and accidentally on purpose found out thumb wrestling used to be a thing. Sure, it’s been about 20 years ago, but it’s overdue for a comeback. They even had this little wrestling ring box that athletes could put their thumbs through. Did you know there used to be a Thumb Wrestling Federation? It was nuts, I guess.

I’m in training for thumb wrestling—sort of. There’s also toe wrestling, but in addition to toe jam, broken toes are a problem. This Toe Wrestling Federation began in the 1970s and I think it’s still going on in England.

Thumb wrestling has been out for a while now. But I can think of ways to bring it back. This is how politicians could settle their differences.

Upcoming Svengoolie Movie: “Werewolf of London”!

Svengoolie intro: “Calling all stations, clear the air lanes, clear all air lanes for the big broadcast!”

The Svengoolie show will be airing the movie “Werewolf of London” this coming Saturday night. It was released in 1935 and features something I don’t usually associate with werewolves—a special flower.

Anyway, it’s the first full-length werewolf film. This guy is not looking for beef chow mein.