Go Retire Psychiatrist

Svengoolie Intro: “Calling all stations! Clear the air lanes! Clear all air lanes for the big broadcast!”

So, you can give me credit for watching the Svengoolie movie “Blood from the Mummy’s Tomb” last night instead of the Seattle Seahawks vs San Francisco 49ers football game. Sena watched a little of it and probably not enough to rate it. You need to know there is such a thing as scalp psoriasis to get the joke in the featured image.

Before I get into this Hammer horror flick, I need to have a little fun at Svengoolie’s expense about his Too Drawn Out picture. You have to know that this is a puzzle game. Svengoolie draws a few cartoons, gives some hints about what the pictures suggest, and puts them together to make a word that is connected to the movie. Some fans give him a hard time about them because, frankly, the clues occasionally reach a little too far.

His first picture in this bit would be familiar to people mainly in my generation or older. Although it’s a bit unfair to kids, you have to give him credit as an artist. The figure actually did resemble a character in a popular (to some of us) TV sitcom years ago. I guessed this one right because we watched The Honeymooners. It was Ed Norton climbing out of (or into?) a sewer because that was his occupation. Art Carney played Norton. Jackie Gleason played the “bus driver” that Svengoolie gives as another clue. The main goal is to name the common underground drainage feature in cities, which was “sewer.”

The next drawing is of a guy either sneezing or coughing and Svengoolie makes it clear that it’s not the former. The clue was “cough.”

The drawing after that was of an ugly old crone, which was a bit difficult to get but turns out to be “hag.”

The last drawing was of some guy with a speech balloon with the cartoon symbols often used to indicate foul language or swearing. This clue was “cuss.”

The final answer? It’s “sarcophagus.” Sewer-Cough-Hag-Cuss. OK, almost there. I’ve done my own version of these in the past and I thought of this one for “sarcophagus.” The word “sewer” is a stretch, especially if you’re not from my generation, given the hints. I use different clues with different hints:

Sir: the drawing is that of a soldier saluting. What do soldiers often say when they salute? “Sir!”

Cuff: the drawing is a shirt cuff with a cufflink. What is this part of a man’s shirt called?

Hog: the drawing is that of a big sow. A large pig, either sow or boar, is often called a hog. What is this large farm animal?

Gust: the drawing is of gusts of wind blowing a flag. What is making the flag fly and flap? A “gust” of wind.

It ends up as Sir-Cuff-Hog-Gust. You’re supposed to say these fairly fast, running the words together to solve the puzzle. If you sound this out right, you get…that’s right, Art Carney!

Moving right along, we need to discuss this 1971 Hammer production movie which doesn’t really have a mummy in it. The gist of the story is that a group of archeologist explorers go digging around somewhere in Egypt and find this tomb with the beautiful but blurred Queen Tera (Valerie Leon) who is more mammarized than mummified, which accounts for the blurring of her chest area. In fact, even the ancient drawings of women on the tomb walls blur their boobs.

The film makers go to a lot of trouble hiding parts of Queen Tera’s anatomy, yet could not come up with a way to prevent Ms. Leon from flinching when one of the priests shoves what looks like a nasal irrigation device up her nose. I mean he really jammed it in there and she reacted by nearly jumping off the table, sneezing blood repeatedly and cussing like a stevedore! In general, this is not the way dead people behave…unless they’re in a Hammer film.

Anyway, after the nasal sinus irrigation leads to the flushing of about a pint of blood and a fairly large mosquito from her nose, the priests proceed to cutting off her right hand, along with a ring with a huge ruby (although not nearly as big as other parts which I will not mention and which are massively blurred in any case). The ruby contains a replica of a constellation of 7 stars which do not include Art Carney.

Actually, the seven stars thing is adapted from Bram Stoker’s novel “The Jewel of Seven Stars,” although, technically, only seven stars would not count as a galaxy, according to Zed from the well-known documentary film, “Men in Black” who had to school Agent J that the galaxy was not on Orion’s Belt, as anybody knows.

The group of explorers take Queen Tera and a lot of artifacts from the tomb, which turn out to be very bad for their health, including the daughter, Margaret (also played by Valerie Leon) of one of them named Fuchs (Andrew Keir). Margaret apparently has a partial exemption from the blurring clause.

Margaret seems to have no fear of the groping chopped off hand (played by Thing from the Addams Family, if you’re curious) of Queen Tera. But the explorers get their throats torn out either by Thing or the Pharoah Hound (also lifted from Bram Stoker), which has an annoying tendency to bark along to “Who Let the Dogs Out” by the Baha Men.

I’m not going to reveal the ending although I can tell you that it involves the only scene which reveals anything that even remotely looks like a mummy.

I think the movie is OK, but a bit blurry in places. I give it a Shrilling Chicken Rating of 3/5.