Tag: Svengoolie horror TV shows

Svengoolie Saturday Night Movie: The Wolf Man 

Here’s a suitable sort of dad joke Svengoolie style for the 1941 horror movie classic, The Wolf Man:

What do you call a dirty joke about the wolfman given at the strait-laced werewolf convention? A howler.

See what I did there? It puns on the word “howler” defined as an embarrassing mistake that evokes laughter, and also puns on the werewolf’s habit of howling. So, the mistake is the dirty joke being told to a convention audience of strait-laced (strictly moralistic) werewolves. OK, whatever.

I’m not great at telling dad jokes, although I like to hear them. I almost bought a book of dad jokes the other day, but when I read the copyright notice, I decided against it:

The notice of copyright for this book of dad jokes is to inform the purchaser that it is hereby forbidden to share these jokes in written, spoken, whispered, or telepathically delivered form to anyone else. Only the purchaser may whisper the jokes to himself as long as no other person is within earshot although it is preferable to read them silently. If this copyright notice is violated (and we will know because of the cleverly hidden monitoring device inserted in the text on each and every page), the publisher has the right to pursue every legal action necessary to extract money and suitable vengeance on the perpetrator, which means you.

I’ve been to the bookstore which sells several dad joke books and they all have this kind of copyright notice in them, regardless of who writes the books. I end up not buying any of them. Consequently, I never learn how to tell dad jokes. But that probably won’t stop me from trying.

Anyway, we saw The Wolf Man last Saturday and it’s a classic B horror movie. It was our first time seeing it and Lon Chaney, Jr. was a great werewolf. He didn’t like being called junior. We found out his father was a movie star too. I don’t think anybody called him Lon Chaney, Sr.

You can find attempts on the web to attach psychoanalytic interpretations of the Wolf Man, but I don’t buy them. On the other hand, there are some quotes from the film that sound like psychological observations:

Dr. Lloyd, the family physician: “I believe a man lost in the mazes of his own mind may imagine that he’s anything.”

Sir John Talbot (Larry the werewolf’s father): “Larry, to some people, life is very simple. They decide that this is good, that is bad. This is wrong, that’s right. There’s no right in wrong, no good in bad. No shadings and greys, all blacks and whites…Now others of us find that good, bad, right, wrong, are many-sided, complex things. We try to see every side but the more we see, the less sure we are. Now you asked me if I believe a man can become a wolf. If you mean “Can it take on physical traits of an animal?” No, it’s fantastic. However, I do believe that most anything can happen to a man in his own mind.”

You can see The Wolf Man on the internet archive. You can make up your own mind about it.

Svengoolie Movie: Island of Terror!

The Saturday night Svengoolie movie was Island of Terror. This one was released in 1966 and starred Peter Cushing as one of the scientists who battle monsters who are snacking on the skeletons of humans. The monsters are also silicon-based.

These two elements reminded me of a couple of other things. One was the short horror story “Skeleton,” (often miswritten as Skeletons or The Skeletons). It was published by Ray Bradbury in 1945. It involves a weird doctor, Dr. M. Munigant, who treats Mr. Harris’s hypochondriacal preoccupation with his painful bones—by slurping all the bones out of his body, leaving him alive but like a jellyfish.

OK, so Bradbury’s story is really not closely related to the film—except they both involve feeding on skeletons.

The other thing Island of Terror reminds me of is the X-Files episode “Firewalker.” That’s because both conveyed the idea that life could be based on the element silicon. The fungus that took over the characters in “Firewalker” were silicon-based. The skeleton-munching monsters on the Island of Terror were silicon-based lifeforms and are called silicates in the movie.

And that leads to speculations about how the Island of Terror silicon-based, skeleton-eating monsters were defeated by the scientists. Nothing kills them but Strontium-90. But they don’t attack them directly with the isotope. Instead, they feed it to cattle, which the monsters then scarf down. Eating the Strontium-90 kills them.

Strontium-90 is an isotope that comes from nuclear bomb radiation fallout and nuclear accidents. The radioactive waste in nuclear reactors contains a lot of Strontium-90 and exposure to it can cause leukemia and—bone cancer. Bullets, bombs, and dynamite don’t harm the silicates.

Why does Strontium-90 destroy the silicates? As near as I can tell, because they get ultra-rapid progressive bone cancer from eating too many skeletons with bone-seeking Strontium-90. Or maybe they get radiation sickness.

Anyway, the movie itself was entertaining. The location of the action was on an island off the coast of Ireland. That might explain why most of the landscape looked Kelly green. The creature effects were pretty odd. The silicates moved very slowly, yet were able to catch humans easily, sometimes by climbing trees and dropping on their victims from above. I’m not sure how they were able to climb trees.

They also reproduced by fission, which revealed a chicken noodle soup-like substance between the two new silicates. This apparently violates the universal law that chicken noodle soup cures everything. It also promotes the typical Svengoolie Dad jokes, such as:

How do the silicates promote STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math)? They divide and multiply.

Leave a comment if you have a bone to pick with me about this post or a good Dad joke (is that a contradiction in terms?).