humor – Page 38 – Go Retire Psychiatrist

Costa Rica Tarrazu Coffee Notes

Sena bought a bag of ground Costa Rica Tarrazu coffee the other day. It brings back memories. We savored it along with some piano music from George Winston, may he rest in peace.

You can gas about coffees a lot. You can call Tarrazu a thing which has a certain complexity of notes, a balanced flavor, a spicy character and whatnot. I guess appraising coffee can be similar to judging wines. I don’t like wine and know nothing about it. I don’t know much about coffee, either.

But there’s a coffee connoisseur who made a YouTube video evaluating the Tarrazu we have. He said it has “coffee notes.” I should hope so. He gave it a so-so rating, 6.1. I guess there’s a 10-point rating scale. I think he takes subtle sarcasm to a new level. He had some kind of fancy coffee filter I’ve never seen before. He compared Tarrazu to coffee you get from Denny’s restaurant—as though Denny’s is a highbrow establishment. He also said it has chocolate notes. I actually noticed that years ago.

We first tasted Tarrazu at the World Market in Madison, Wisconsin many years ago. The drive from Iowa City to Madison was a pleasure. We took the more scenic route, which was Highway 151. Just in case you read this and make the trip yourself, I’ll say this: what is scenic to one is boring to another.

I remember we sampled Tarrazu from those little white Styrofoam cups in the World Market store. It was the smoothest coffee we ever tasted. We were hooked and bought a bag.

There’s a lot to do in Madison, which is not to say there’s not much to do in Iowa City. There’s just more of everything in Madison. Every day there was some new attraction to explore. Tarrazu was also a new experience.

We had a lot of fun in Madison. We went up to Wisconsin Dells and darn near froze to death on an open boat ride in the early fall. Part of the “fun” of the ride was mainly for the driver, I think. He would rev the boat at rocket speed and splash us with water, which could have had a thin skin of ice notes over it, judging from the shock. We saw the House on the Rock in Spring Green. We relaxed at the Sundara spa. We rode the horse-drawn wagon on the Lost Canyon tour and still have a deck of playing cards from the gift shop.

We’ve bought Tarrazu a couple of times since our adventure in Madison and found that, somehow, the flavor wasn’t quite as bright, not as smooth. On one bag, the name was spelled “Terrazu” rather than “Tarrazu. Sure, it had “coffee notes,” but not the chocolate notes. And it didn’t evoke memories of Wisconsin.

Finally, getting back to the Tarrazu we have now. The taste is miraculous, just like it was so many years ago. It takes me back to the Styrofoam cups at World Market, the speedboat in the frigid water, the Sundara bedsheets stained by previous guests with mud notes from the spa, the Infinity Room in Spring Green, cheese curds and chili.

Those are my Tarrazu notes.

Juggling with New Safety Goggles

I got new safety goggles the other day. They’re to protect me when I juggle. They’re made by Sattron and Sena got them on Amazon at a good price for 3 pairs. They fit over my eyeglasses. These were my old eyeglasses, which I’ve since replaced with brand new ones. I’m still a little nervous about wearing the goggles over those.

The goggles come with a cleaning cloth and the bows are adjustable. They adjust at the temples up and down through 15 degrees (up, intermediate, and down). It’s hard to move them. You have to really crank them. I don’t think they make that much difference. The length adjustment is a little quirky. You pull them out or push them back in. It’s a ratchet setting adjustment. The soft silicone nose pads will leave smudges on your glasses.

They’re anti-fog, anti-UV, but unfortunately not anti-drop. On the other hand, when a juggling ball drops on my head, I’ll be protected because they’re impact resistant.

Jim Gets New Eyeglasses!

I got brand new eyeglasses the other day. I have gone without a new prescription that was valid since my retinal detachment surgery over a year ago. It was a bit strange how that worked out. Last year, I saw the eye doctor who gave me a new prescription, but who also diagnosed the retinal tear. That led to the surgery, which made that prescription invalid. I waited a year to let things settle down before getting a new prescription. Before that, it had been about seven years since I’d been to the eye clinic.

Prior to all of that, I’d been having trouble with near and far vision. I have been getting progressive corrective lenses for years. I had been noticing that it was very difficult to read comfortably. I couldn’t read a book for more than brief periods. I had to stop frequently to rest my eyes.

The problem was compounded by poorly fitting glasses. They always slid down my nose, which led to my seeking adjustments. The solution always seemed to be adjusting the bows. That would work for a while, but the problem always recurred. After a while the bows ended up so unequal, my glasses sat crookedly on my ears. I actually ended up with a pressure sore on one ear, which I think finally developed into acanthoma fissuratum. That’s a fancy name for a pressure sore from poorly fitting eyeglasses.

I now have two brand new pairs of glasses, one of which is a pair of sunglasses. This is the first time in my life I’ve ever had prescription sunglasses. When I went to pick them up, they both fit perfectly without any adjustment. The technician gave me a clam shell hard case for the sunglasses and a soft bag for the other pair. She said the company was just trying to go green by cutting down on making the hard cases.

She told me she’d be happy to get me another clam shell hard case, but I declined. I told her I thought they were dangerous. They are too much like spring-loaded animal traps. I made a short comedy YouTube (“Steel Trap Eyeglasses Case by Jim Amos”) demonstrating that, if you’re interested. It’s not the best video because it reveals too much old-guy nose hair.

Now that I have new eyeglasses, I am looking forward to possibly re-reading one of my favorite books, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams.

I Just Heard the Song “Florida Man” on the Big Mo Blues Show

I heard the song “Florida Man” by Selwyn Birchwood on the Big Mo Blues Show on KCCK radio tonight. I updated my post “Gators OMG” by adding the YouTube video to it.

The Gray Catbird Rusty Rump Mystery

I looked into the mystery of the gray catbird’s rusty rump. I mentioned the rusty colored feathers under its tail feathers in yesterday’s post. For some reason the underside of its tail feathers looks a little messy. I was able to get more video evidence about what might be the cause.

The catbird looks fastidious. That may be misleading. Scientific observation reveals what is really going on.

This is probably also the origin of an old saying. I think it was Plato who said, “Never stand under a bird.”

Acting Up on Scott Boulevard

We took a walk on Scott Boulevard used my smartphone for the first time to take selfies with the Sitting Man. Can you believe it? I’ve had that phone for over 7 years and never took a selfie with Sena until then.

It was a sunny day and we walked clear out to the intersection of Scott Boulevard and Rochester Avenue. When we did this last February, we saw a sculpture by Iowa City artist, Eugene Anderson. It’s a striking white abstract called “Family.”

Except it wasn’t there anymore. There was a lot of heavy construction equipment and large excavation holes with construction stakes all pretty close to the concrete pedestal where the sculpture had been mounted.

But it was gone. We remembered talking with the developer not so long ago about the new development planned for the area. He mentioned something about a plan for moving the piece somewhere. I sent him a message asking about it.

The President of the Harvest Preserve Board, Douglas Paul himself, got back to me about the sculpture. This is the same Douglas Paul who created the Sitting Man sculpture. Eugene Anderson’s sculpture is in the shop getting needed repairs. Doug Paul is doing the work on it. The plan for now is to move it to the western entrance of Harvest Preserve. It’ll be near the gate, visible from Scott Boulevard.

Doug Paul told me about his book, Go Figure. You might be interested; I know I am.

Juggling and The Wings of Change!

The other day we were at Terry Trueblood Recreation Area mainly to see how juggling goes outdoors for me. We filmed the event for posterity.

It turns out that “wings” had a lot to do with it. I juggled next to Hilde DeBruyn’s sculpture “Winds of Change.” It’s my favorite sculpture, although the winds of change are dictating that the Iowa City Parks Dept. is again going to accept new sculptures for this year which will replace all of those currently on display.

Wings figured in a different way and you can tell by how I react to the bugs flying around. We picked a nice spring day when all the winged insects were buzzing around in my face.

The level of juggling difficulty goes way up when gnats are zipping up my nose, my ears, my mouth, etc.

Always Wear Safety Glasses When Claw Juggling!

I just got a new eyeglass prescription a few days ago. I figured a year was long enough to wait after my surgery for an acute on chronic retinal detachment of my right eye. My vision in that eye has changed quite a bit, but I think new glasses will help a lot.

My old pair of eyeglasses is pretty beat up. Juggling has not helped. I’ve knocked them off my head a couple of times lately. That has not helped the poor fit.

I’m also practicing a new juggling trick called the claw. The throw and catch techniques are very different. You have to claw catch the balls from the top. I end up slamming them on the floor or off my groin. Juggling takes dedication and sacrifice—but there’s a limit.

I think I need safety equipment. I’ll be getting new eyeglasses, but it might be a good idea to get a pair of safety glasses. I just happen to have an old pair of plastic safety glasses from the time Sena bought me a battery-powered pole saw for tree trimming in the back yard a few years ago. Talk about safety. It takes at least as much agility and coordination to dodge a heavy falling tree limb as it does to dodge a juggling ball.

The claw trick puts a vicious spin on the ball and it can fly anywhere at meteoric speed. Controlling the arc and direction to fit the cascade pattern is quite a challenge. Balls frequently ricochet off each other, which is why I don’t drink my coffee during juggling practice. Practicing the claw reminds me that juggling is great exercise. I’m flying all over the place, lunging, leaning, and ducking.

But I might need a helmet.

How Can You Wash Your Face Without Washing Your Beard?

OK, Sena washed my beard with beard wash the other day and then I hopped in the shower, rinsed off the suds and applied the beard conditioner.

Then I got to thinking about what I’d been doing about washing my face (and necessarily my beard) with a moisturizing soap every day. This was before Sena got a beard care kit for me, and I did the same thing for months prior to that. I used a body and face soap on my face, and my face was covered with hair from my beard.

You can make the argument that you shouldn’t use regular hair shampoos on your beard because it’ll strip away all the oils you need. And you can say that you shouldn’t use beard wash to wash your face. But on the “face” of it, doesn’t that sound silly?

I got on the web and tried to ask it as a question. How can you wash your face without washing your beard? The search yields the message “This site cannot be reached.” I didn’t bother to ask an Artificial Intelligence (AI) nerd about it. I’m sure AI would either give a nonsense answer or blow a fuse.

I was not surprised. There are dozens of face wash products out there for men who have beards. Then the advice is to not use face soap on your beard. And you’re not supposed to use beard wash on your face.

Am I missing something here? I suspect I’m just encountering the usual marketing strategies for selling me something I probably don’t really need.

I found one video with a guy who has a magnificent mustache and beard in which he’s supposed to tell you what he does about cleaning his face. It’s not a YouTube video. I couldn’t get past his simple comment in the first segment of the video in which he says he washes his face once a day. That took a few seconds. Then the video just quit working.

Apparently, what I have to do is simple. I just remove my beard every day before washing my face with a facial soap. Then I put my beard in the bathroom sink and scrub it with beard wash. But I shouldn’t do that more than 2-3 times a week. Next, I reattach my freshly washed beard to my clean face.

So, when do apply my beard oil? I read that it should be applied once, and preferably, twice a day. Sorry, I don’t want beard oil or beard balm on my pillow case, thank you. On the other hand, I noticed that you can buy beard masks. One web site advertises that it’s for protecting your well-groomed beard. The price is $20.

Getting back to the question of how to wash your face without washing your beard and vice versa, I’m pretty sure this is an experiment by extraterrestrials to see if humans are smart enough yet to meet with them so we can teach them how to drive their flying saucers without forever crashing them all over our planet.

When I figure out how to wash my face without washing my beard, I’ll let you know—after I’ve patented the method and I’m ready to market a product I’d be happy to sell you for the low, low price of just $20, on a monthly subscription plan.

Beard Kit Passes Muster and Makes Me Glow!

I tried the new beard kit stuff yesterday. I washed my beard with the beard wash and conditioner. Then I applied a little beard oil and beard balm. I combed it and brushed up with the boar bristle brush. Try saying “boar bristle brush” three times really fast right now!

I trimmed the flyaways with the very sharp scissors and—oops. I accidentally nipped my left earlobe off. It ricocheted off the mirror and splashed into the toilet. This was not a problem and from my internet research, I knew exactly what to do.

I quickly got a soup ladle and fished my earlobe out of the toilet bowl. Wrapping it in a wet washcloth, I then tossed it into a little watertight bag. Immediately, I put that into a sandwich bag with ice to preserve my earlobe. It would not have been a good idea to put it directly on ice. That would have worsened the damage. I knew better than to put it in milk, especially skim milk! That stuff doesn’t even taste like milk.

The emergency room doctor at first didn’t believe I accidentally snipped off my earlobe. He wanted to get a psychiatric consultation, but I assured him that I’m a retired consultation-liaison psychiatrist and I’m OK. I may have a screw loose but I would never cut off any of my own body parts. He reattached my earlobe and I’m as good as new.

I guess that means I’m officially anointed from a beard kit standpoint.

Sena says I glow now. Judge for yourself from the unretouched before and after photos.