Tag: humor

To Trap or Not to Trap Japanese Beetles

Sena has some Japanese Beetle traps she’s been thinking about using for some time now. She paid only a dollar a box because they were on sale. She’s hesitant. It’s Spectracide and uses a sex attractant and a floral lure to catch the little scarab beetles in a bag. In fact, the product is called Bag-A-Bug. The box advertises they are an “ideal method” to control Japanese Beetles and protect your yard. They cost about $8 or more a box, depending on where you buy them.

I checked the internet about controlling Japanese Beetles and I was a little surprised to learn that not everyone is in love with the bag method. Some experts say they might attract more bugs to your yard rather than rid your property of them.

The University of Minnesota Extension web article tops the list of those who caution you not to expect a miracle from the bag method. In fact, they frankly state, “While the University of Minnesota is still performing research to understand this pest, one thing we do know is Japanese beetle traps do not reduce beetle feeding.” They baldly state the traps probably won’t benefit your garden. The issue is the chemical lure itself, which might draw even more bugs to your yard. The more bugs you catch, the more stink they squirt. You can end up with thousands more of them because of the trap itself, causing more damage to your plants than if you didn’t use it at all.

What’s the answer? Toss the little buggers in a bucket of soapy water, believe it or not. And while they make holes in leaves which makes your plants look ugly, they usually don’t kill them. Beetles show up in late June and early July and mess with your yard until mid to late August.

Picking off the bugs and the damaged leaves works as good as anything else and rids the areas of the odor which attracts other insects.

What’s The University of Minnesota Extension’s bottom line on beetle traps? Don’t use them. It’s likely they attract more beetles than they catch.

I also checked the Iowa State University Extension web page on Japanese Beetles. The authors say the bugs are the “worst landscape pest in America” but they also are thumbs down on using traps, saying they attract more bugs than they catch. Here’s a funny quote from an ISU Extension article that I originally used but just found out today is not available:

“The only benefit of JB traps is the emotional satisfaction of seeing and smelling hundreds (thousands?) of dead, decaying beetles.”

The Better Homes & Gardens web page has a similar opinion. So, there you have it. During my web search, I was reminded of a neighborhood we visited several years ago where we saw a lot of back yards with these traps. The bugs were everywhere.

So much for the traps. What the heck, they were only a dollar a box.

House Oversight Committee UAP Hearing Today

We watched the House Oversight Committee UAP Hearing today and it was one of the most interesting presentations we’ve seen in a long while.

I make fun of the topic a lot but I thought all the witnesses were credible. In my opinion, the most credible witness today was retired Commander David Fravor of the U.S. Navy. His sense of humor and down-to-earth (no joke intended) demeanor lent credibility to the issue of Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena.

I especially liked Fravor’s advice for anybody reporting UAPs: “Don’t make the fish bigger than it is.

David Grusch, a former U.S. intelligence officer, often deferred answering certain questions because the answer would have meant revealing classified information. Ryan Graves, a former fighter pilot for the Navy, emphasized the need for a safe way to let military and civilian witnesses describe their encounters with UAPs.

There will likely be another meeting, one which would allow David Grusch to be more open to answering questions involving classified information.

Every Minute Counts in Physical Activity for Health Even If Your Step Counter Does Not Count It!

If you want a quick read for how every minute counts in physical activity for your health, see the JAMA article “Physical Activity for Health—Every Minute Counts” (Katzmarzyk PT, Jakicic JM. Physical Activity for Health—Every Minute Counts. JAMA. 2023;330(3):213–214. doi:10.1001/jama.2023.11014).

Just for fun, I tried to see if about 5 minutes of juggling would result in a change in the step counter on my cell phone. Unfortunately, it didn’t but I sure could feel the effort!

As the authors state, public health recommendations for physical activity set a bar of 150-300 minutes a week of moderate intensity aerobic activity to get substantial health benefit.

But you benefit from just about any increment below that level. Your step counter probably won’t register it, but you can feel it.

I made a short demo video to show what good exercise juggling is. I didn’t cut any mistakes (and obviously increased the speed on it because 5 minutes is a bit long). Anybody can tell I’m pretty puffed out at the end.

Try juggling for physical activity!

Braunschweiger Slices a Big Winner!

Sena bought a package of Jones Dairy Farm Braunschweiger slices recently and made a great lunch of sandwiches with Miracle Whip and a side of Korean Kewpie Mayo Corn dish. She asked me first whether I wanted to try the sandwiches with cheese instead of Braunschweiger. My friend Dr. George Dawson prefers cheese instead of Braunschweiger with Miracle Whip on his sandwiches.

I had to think hard about it, but I chose the Braunschweiger slices—this time. Maybe cheese next time.

Anyhow, Braunschweiger or cheese with Miracle Whip are guaranteed preferred items on sandwiches according to the U.S. Constitution, as quoted below from Article VIII:

In order to establish the items of choice for the perfect sandwiches we do hereby recommend Braunschweiger or the cheese of your liking, preferably with Miracle Whip salad dressing as soon as it is invented, by our estimate not sooner nor later than 1933 according to the founding fathers who are from a different galaxy where time travel has been mastered and which enables them to make accurate predictions about the future—Benjamin “Bud” Franklin.

Glad I could clear that up. Braunschweiger slices, along with many other tasty foods, is made at Jones Dairy Farm in Fort Atkinson, Wisconsin. It’s reachable by either via U.S. Highway 151 N or I-80 E and I-88 E.

I suggest taking U.S. Highway 151 N because it is more scenic and avoids the tolls on the other route. Madison, the capital of Wisconsin, is close by and is also worth seeing.

Watch Out for Spaghettification on Skinwalker Ranch!

I’m not up to speed on the math of black hole portal wormhole vortices and whatnot, but I think the actors on The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch need to be careful what kind of incendiary devices they’re tossing into the Triangle Area.

I barely got through the general physics introductory course at Iowa State University. I remember the momentum lab experiments—barely. My lab partner showed up late because he was really hung over. I think he asked me if I ever partied and I said I had pretty much outgrown that kind of thing. He looked at me like he was shocked and exclaimed, “You mean this crap ends?”

On the other hand, despite his hangover he grasped the momentum math better than I did.

I’m still trying to figure out why one of the actors said “A black hole?” when somebody posed the question “What does that thing look like?” referring to what looked like a black hole at ground level following a LiDAR imaging test in the Triangle Area. I didn’t know you could find black holes with LiDAR.

There was also the suggestion of funnels in the air above the black hole, leading to the team wondering if it was a portal leading to a wormhole. Everybody got excited about it, and wondered if it might explain all the weird stuff happening on the ranch. Could there be monsters, extraterrestrials, orbs, and Braunschweiger with Miracle Whip sandwiches zipping in and out of these things?

It got me looking around on the internet to find out whether black holes and wormholes could be the same thing. It turns out some scientists think there could be black hole portals on one end and white hole portals on the other end of wormholes, which I think means you get spaghettified on one end and reassembled on the other.

However, this could mean you have to be wary of spaghettification if you try to travel to another dimension through a wormhole. You don’t have to take my word for it (and you shouldn’t!). Just ask physics professors Leo and Shanshan Rodriguez at Grinnell College in Iowa. Black holes swallow up everything that comes within spitting distance from them, stretch them way out so they resemble noodles and eventually destroy you.

The only thing you can do then is call Chuck Norris, who routinely eats black holes with Braunschweiger and Miracle Whip for lunch (they taste like chicken) and farts them into another galaxy far, far away. Chuck’s side hustle is to work part time at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) where he is a part time janitor, sweeping up the little black holes it sometimes generates. That black hole the LHC created in 2012 which swallowed reality didn’t stand a chance against Chuck, who gargled it and spat reality back out.

This goes back to Einstein’s theory of general relativity of course, which proves by advanced, hyper galactic step over toe hold jujitsu level mathematical formulas that the stitches in the fabric of spacetime get all warped leading to a crazy strong gravitational pull involving stirrup pants that stretch you enough to motivate some men to spend any amount of money to increase their penis size including subjecting themselves to black holes such that they would need a carryon bag to haul it through Chicago O’Hare and believe spaghettification is just the trick although airport security has yet to devise how they can get it through the screening machine in order to avoid pat down searches which can not only tickle but also delay passenger boarding and lead to mass hallucinations of a big UFO similar to the O’Hare event in 2006, which was actually caused by a weather event according to men in black suits posing as FAA agents at the airport.

Does anybody else have a sudden craving for pasta?

Yowie the Tree Hugger!

I saw the Bigfoot episode of The Proof is Out There last Friday which purportedly showed thermal images of two Yowies, the Australian version of Bigfoot. I was shocked when host Tony Harris said the video was either a hoax or possibly Yowies—and went with “Possibly Yowies.”

Interesting name, “Yowie.” It sounds like something I’d yell if I accidentally touched a stovetop burner. Actually, a Wikipedia article about it says it was originally called “Yahoo,” which is something I might yell if I won the lottery.

Supposedly the thermal imaging shows two Yowies hugging a tree. The tree looked pretty skinny. I would think that a 9-foot tall, 800 lb. cryptid would crush rather than hug such a little tree. And will someone please tell me why DNA evidence, footprints, or poop samples were not obtained?

I quickly glanced at a few web articles which said there’s no physical evidence for the existence of the Yowie in Australia. I’m thinking it’s high time we capture one with a method that is guaranteed to work. Here’s how you catch a Yowie:

First you dig a hole and fill it with ashes. Carefully place peas around the hole. When the Yowie comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.

Then we can start serious scientific study of the critter. The first thing you have to learn is not to call it a critter, which is undignified. The proper title would be Sir Cryptid Yahoo Yowie, Esq.

Test whether it prefers beef jerky, vegemite, or politicians for lunch.

We might start by teaching Sir Yowie how to dance. No doubt you’ll recall the 1974 documentary film “Young Frankenstein” in which the Frankenstein monster does a pretty fair job of tap dancing.

See if Sir Yowie can learn how to juggle. One problem might be that it could be better at basketball, given its height and strength. You juggle while Yowie dribbles. Don’t argue.

See if it can learn to play cribbage. However, a crisis could arise if you don’t let it win the big annual American Cribbage Congress tournament (I think it’s in Virginia Beach, VA this year). How would you calm down a giant who smells like it needs a diaper change?

Wormhole Vortex Portal at Skinwalker Ranch!

I watched The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch the other night and the investigators got really excited over seeing what they called a wormhole portal in the Triangle area of the ranch. Somehow, it was detected by LiDAR, which stands for light detection and ranging. It measures distance using light instead of sound like radar does.

I didn’t know you could use LiDAR to detect wormholes.

Anyway, the whole team including Travis got so worked up about it the show got interrupted so that all the actors (I mean investigators) could calm down by mindfulness meditation. It was better than finding a mutilated cow.

Prior to finding the wormhole, they had guys shooting rockets, flamethrowers, and electricity bolts into the sky at about the 30-foot level where weird things usually happen, like orbs.

You never see much beside orbs. I’m not sure how you think of an orb of light as a UFO or spaceship that could be drivable by an extraterrestrial. I can’t imagine a humanoid fitting into an orb and operating it even with something like a car with a push button transmission. Remember those? When I was a kid, we had a friend who got one. She was really proud of it. I think it was a Chrysler from the 1950s.

I’m not sure where they’ll go with the wormhole thing now. Would they ever try to enter the wormhole? I thought wormholes destroyed everything that got too close to them.

They’ve been stuck for so long to come up with something different to give viewers the idea that there’s something really paranormal out there that they’ve had to add an extra show, Beyond Skinwalker Ranch. I haven’t watched it; it comes on a little late at night for me.

Next week they’re going to have the Utah State Attorney General as a guest star again out to the ranch. It looks like the military is out there buzzing the area with various black helicopters and generally getting everybody indignant and all worked up. Why should the military care what they’re doing? After all, it’s not illegal to shoot hobby rockets, flame throwers, and electricity bolts at the air, even if it might have a wormhole not covered by insurance in it.

Maybe I Should Be More Optimistic About Humans

I read the Psychiatric Times article “How Psychiatry Has Enriched My Life: A Journey Beyond Expectations” by Victor Ajluni, MD and published on July 4, 2023. It was like a breath of fresh air to read an expression of gratitude. Just about everything I read in the news is negative.

At the end of the article, Dr. Ajluni added a comment acknowledging that artificial intelligence (AI ChatGPT) assisted him in writing it. He takes full responsibility for the content, to be sure. I wouldn’t have guessed that AI was involved.

There’s a lot of negative stuff in the news. There are hysterically alarming headlines about AI.

I suppose you could wonder if Dr. Aljuni’s article is intentionally ironic, maybe just because the gratitude tone is so positive.  If it had been intended as irony, what could the AI contribution have been, though? I have a pretty low opinion of the AI capacity for irony.

I think irony occurs to me only because I tend to be pessimistic about the human race.

Maybe that’s because it has been very easy to be pessimistic about what direction human nature seems to be taking in recent years. I’ve been reading Douglas Adams’ satirical book, “The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.” It contains several of his books which I think are really about human nature, and the setting is in a funny though often terrifying universe. I think there’s an ironic tone which softens the pessimism. The most pessimistic character is not a human but a robot, Marvin the paranoid android.

Unlike Marvin, I don’t have “a brain the size of a planet” (it’s more the size of a chickpea), but I am getting a bit cynical about the universe. I’m prone to regarding humans as evolving into a race of beings similar to those described in the book “Life, The Universe and Everything.” In Chapter 24, Adams describes the constantly warring Silastic Armorfiends of Striterax.

The Silastic Armorfiends are incredibly violent. Their planet is in ruins because they’re constantly fighting their enemies, and indeed, each other. In fact, the best way to deal with a Silastic Armorfiend is to lock him in a room by himself—because eventually he’ll just beat himself up.

In order to cope better, they tried punching sacks of potatoes to get rid of aggression. But then, they thought it would be more efficient to simply shoot the potatoes instead.

They were the first race to shock a computer, named Hactar. Possibly, Hactar was an AI because, when they told Hactar to make the Ultimate Weapon so they could vanquish all their enemies, Hactar was shocked. Hactar secretly made a tiny bomb with a flaw that made it harmless when the Silastic Armorfiends set it off. Hactar explained “…that there was no conceivable consequence of not setting the bomb off that was worse than setting it off…”, which was why it made the bomb a dud. While Hactar was explaining that it hoped the Silastic Armorfiends would see the logic of this course of action—they destroyed Hactar, or at least thought they had.

Eventually, they found a new way to blow themselves up, which was a relief to everyone in the galaxy.

There are similarities between Hactar and the AI called Virtual Interactive Kinetic Intelligence (V.I.K.I.) in the movie “I, Robot.” The idea was that robots must control humans because humans are so self-destructive. Only that meant robots had to hurt humans in order to protect humanity. The heroes who eventually destroy V.I.K.I. make up a team of misfits: a neurotic AI named Sonny, a paranoid cop who is himself a mixture of robot and human, and a psychiatrist. Together, the team finally discovers the flaw in the logic of V.I.K.I. Of course, this leads to the destruction of V.I.K.I.—but also to the evolution of Sonny who learns the power of the ironic wink.

Maybe kindness is the Ultimate Weapon.

Extraterrestrial Grade Kewpie Mayo Corn Dish!

Sena made a Korean Corn Bake with Kewpie Mayo. There’s a spice in it that makes it special. On the label, it just says “spice.” One web article says the secret ingredient is monosodium glutamate (MSG). The author goes on at length to assure that MSG is safe. I guess it has gotten a bad rap. The author says you have to get the Kewpie Mayo made for the Japanese market to get it with MSG and went on to say that, in the U.S., yeast extract is substituted for MSG.

The Kewpie Mayo we have has extraterrestrial grade MSG in it.

That reminds me of a quote from the movie Beetlejuice. Lydia says, while eating Cantonese food:

“I plan to have a stroke from the amount of MSG that’s in this food.”

That’s not going to happen. Sena made this in about 15 minutes. She doesn’t need to measure anything. She just throws stuff together, a pinch of this, a sufficiency of that, etc.

She used peppers and onions, and butter, added the corn, condensed milk, and a generous squirt of Kewpie mayo. She loaded it with shredded cheese and popped it in the broiler on low.

It was great on crackers or just by itself. It did open up a wormhole portal in our kitchen and Bigfoot rushed in and tried to trade some beef jerky for the kewpie corn dish. He was too late.

We ate it all.

The Square Dude with the Circle Beard Returns

Well, I decided it was time to return to the circle beard after over 6 months of struggling to grow a full beard. I have too many potholes. I think it takes as much time and trouble to have a beard as it does to shave every day.

I found a web site about how some face shapes work better with specific beard styles. The author suggested measuring your face. I tried it. I measured my face length, forehead, cheekbones, and jaw line. The measurements are applied such that they classify you as having a face that is shaped: square, rectangle, round, oval, diamond, triangular, or like a heart.

According to the article, the bottom line is that I have a square-shaped face. So, I’m a square dude and what that means is that I should stick with a circle beard (mustache and goatee).

This makes sense because that’s what I used to have. See my blog post and YouTube video from 3 years ago, “Facial Hair and the Masked Worker.” I used to keep it stubble short so I could pass the fit test for the N95 respirator at the hospital when I was working as a psychiatric consultant.

Because I’m retired from the hospital, fit testing is no longer an issue. On the other hand, I think the circle beard will be less trouble to groom.