Tag: humor

Whirlpool Care Counts Laundry Program Cleans Up!

Sena and I just recently saw the TV commercial about the Whirlpool Care CountsTM Laundry Program, which has been providing washers and dryers for schools. It was launched to address school absenteeism, one cause of which is bullying of kids who don’t have clean clothes. They are also more likely to drop out of school.

It turns out this program has been going on since 2015. And there’s an Iowa connection. In 2017, Morris Elementary in Des Moines got a new washer and dryer (Des Moines Register, “Iowa teacher meets New Yorker on Instagram, and needy school gets a big lift” by Laura Rowley, published Oct 7, 2019, accessed 12/13/2023).

According to the Whirlpool’s website about it, there are over 150 programs in schools across 40 states.

The website even lists research studies demonstrating the link between a lack of clean clothes and school attendance rates.

We reminisced about what we did about this issue when we were in grade school. We don’t remember skipping school because of dirty clothes. We managed by washing them by hand, or in my family, using an old hand wringer as well. We hung clothes out to dry on the line in the back yard. Sena did that and also used a fan.

I was sometimes bullied, but it was related to being black rather than having old clothes. I didn’t change my outfit every day because I didn’t have enough clothes for that.

When I got old enough, I delivered the Des Moines Register. Talk about nickel and diming. The rates were pretty low compared to today, but I still had some customers who complained about the price. I walked my route to collect subscription fees. I was not a great salesman but I was a steady worker, delivering papers in any weather, even dragging them in a wagon through knee deep snow.

You could buy things with your money through the paper’s main office. The first thing I bought was an alarm clock with a glass face through which the clockwork was visible. I didn’t really need an alarm clock to get me out of bed to deliver papers. I was a light sleeper even then. I just thought the clock was cool.

I saved enough money (mostly in quarters) to buy my first bicycle. It cost about $20 at Ralph’s Bicycle & Hobby Shop in Mason City. It was used and I think it was a 24 inch. I did not do wheelies.

I don’t remember buying clothes.

I remember collecting from a young couple who were obviously newlyweds. They would often both come to the door wrapped in nothing but big bath towels. I wondered if they even had any clothes. Maybe they didn’t have any laundry facilities.

Anyway, I think the Whirlpool program is a great idea.

Partners in Juggling Crime Breaking the Internet Again!

We are breaking the internet again as partners in juggling crime. It turns out the 2-person 6 ball juggling pattern has 3 variations:

The 1, 2 Pass: Both partners make two right hand throws, then pass to the partner on the third throw. Always throw from the right side to your partner’s left.

The 1 Pass: You pass after every other throw.

Pass: You pass on every right-hand throw. You could call it pass, pass, fast!

The Pass variation is really difficult, although some jugglers make it look easy. We mainly look funny, but we’re just getting started!

We include a slow-motion clip for each variation.

Still Practicing the Shower Juggle!

I’m still practicing the shower juggle pattern. I’m comparing how I did in April with how I’m doing now. No doubt, my form is wonky and I still can do only 3-5 throws.

But I think juggling with the big plastic balls is easier when it comes to the shower. I can’t figure why, unless it’s the more uniform spherical shape and evenly distributed weight.

It’s definitely not my form.

Juggling Update!

Well, we’re using our new safety glasses retainers and they work out fine. We’re a little off the beam on the 2-person 6 ball pass juggle for some reason. Some days are diamonds, some days are stones, I guess.

Our mistakes are funny. We just make too many.

I’m still working on the shower juggle pattern. I might be making slow progress. It feels easier to do if I use the large plastic balls or the new smaller balls with a tough leather shell. They’re decorated with stars to give you confidence.

I think if they’re round and hold their shape better if they’re made of harder material, they might fly better.

I think it would also help if I threw them more accurately.

Now is the Time for Kauai Coffee and Beignets!

Remember that Beignet mix and rolling pin Sena got back in May? She got around to making them yesterday. The use by date was November 1, 1892! No, sorry, actually it was November 1, 2023.

The day started out pretty cold and it even snowed. Birds and squirrels acted like they never saw snow before.

Anyway, we also tried Kauai Coffee for the first time in our Keurig machine. The pods look really different, but they worked. The flavors are subtle but they go well with Beignets. We’re not sure why they looked more like fried green tomatoes when they were done.

Beignets are delicious. Have plenty of powdered sugar on hand!

The Weather Guy

We like to watch the Weather Channel. One of the meteorologists is very conservative in his forecasts. He’s always hedging:

“And here we see a radar signal that might be indicative of a tornado, not saying it definitely is a tornado, just saying it might be, and over here in this county next to a major or minor highway are what appear to be remnants of an atmospheric river although that’s according to the GPS Model mind you, and you always have to remember the European Model might say something different about what might happen, not what’s going to happen mind you, just that it possibly could transform into a manifestation of the Norse god Thor who could have a huge hammer, although that’s from mythology so you can’t rely on that definitely and if you do, let me remind you that I have a lawyer who might just give you a telephone call if you happen to make the mistake of depending on a meteorologist to forecast anything exact and reliable for goodness sake, like the occurrence of a named storm in your vicinity which might be in the Midwest, or the eastern seaboard, you just can’t know with any degree of certainty now that climate change has us in its indefinable grip as we say, so you want to be prepared for whatever might occur, which could include skies that are clear to partly cloudy to filled with UFOs as far as the eye can see but take it from me you didn’t hear that from me.”

Boy, meteorologists have a tough job.

The Geezer Remarks on Superfoods

Sena is big on eating healthy, which is a good thing. On the other hand, we don’t necessarily always like the same foods. And there’s the whole issue of what people call superfoods nowadays.

Funny, when I was a kid, I used to just refer to superfoods as “yuck!” There are variant spellings.

I read the Wikipedia entry on superfoods and it essentially says there is officially no such thing.

Take beets—please!

Sena’s big on Beets and Leeks. I’m not a big fan. I’ll eat them, of course. There’s nothing wrong with them that intravenous ipecac and a stomach transplant won’t fix. The drawback is the medical bill.

I don’t think we’ve ever had kale. Does that make the superfood list? I think it’s the same thing as mustard greens, okra, and other building materials similar to shingles.

I tried okra when I was a student at Huston-Tillotson University (then Huston-Tillotson College). I was offered this slightly slimy substance as part of a dinner at the home of my Religion and Philosophy professor and his family. It’s slimy because it contains mucilage, which is (correct me if I’m wrong but I’ll naturally ignore you) also the name of the glue we used in grade school to make valentine cards.

In fact, think of any food you dislike as intensely as any medication or tonic you had to take when you were a kid. That would be classified as a superfood. I had to take a tablespoon of mineral oil a day, which is a substance very much like mucilage.

I found out that millet is marketed as a superfood. That’s funny, because it’s also used as a filling for juggling balls. When you work up an appetite juggling, you can just bust open one of the balls and snack on a handful of bird seed, which is what millet really is.

Actually, superfoods come in handy in case you’re abducted by extraterrestrials. Whenever they look like they’re getting ready to jam some kind of implant up your nose, offer them a juggling ball. Just tell them to keep chewing through the leather shell until they get to that tasty millet center. This will give you time to write down the driving directions to the nearest barbecue joint for them (Jimmy Jack’s Rib Shack in Iowa City for example).

Anytime you need any more expert advice on superfoods, just let me know. I’m not available.

Happy 46th Wedding Anniversary!

It was 46 years ago today Sena and I were married at the Little Brown Church in the Vale in Nashua, Iowa. I was a skinny guy with a big afro. She was and is a beautiful bride.

We cut the wedding cake together. We fed each other big bites. It was the biggest event of our lives.

There were other big events. The trip to Vegas and marveled at the Bellagio fountains. The helicopter ride over the Niagara Falls. The view over New York City from the Empire State Building. That was my first senior discount ticket. Sena holding a little alligator in Miami. The Lincoln Book Tower in Washington, D.C. Festooned with the birds of Hawaii.

Wherever we went, whatever we did, we were always together. She’s always fearless. She’s gone with me wherever I went, even when I was wrong. I am often wrong—but I was right about marrying her.

Gearing Up for Juggling!

Well, Sena and I have been practicing the 2-person 6 ball pass juggling trick. It’s a trick just to get synchronized. Timing is everything—and so is aim.

Sena and I both have a tendency to throw balls too high, too low, high and outside, etc. It’s Sena’s low line drive pitch I’m worried about mainly. Safety goggles are mandatory, but I’m starting to worry about other parts of my anatomy. These are the parts which call for groin armor.

In fact, why not just go all out and get a suit of armor? It might be harder to move around—but at least I’d be protected.

Sena ordered some new juggling balls. Unfortunately, none of them are soft. In fact, she ordered another set of 3 plastic glow balls, in addition to the set we already have. They’re big. They could hurt me.

And they will have an evil glow when they do. Don’t send me your prayers; get well cards are fine.

Darned Rhinorrhea Interrupting People

I’ve been having a runny nose recently that is intermittent and often related to eating hot foods. I have to get up from the dinner table and blow my nose, especially if we’re having hot soups or chili. I’ve been making fun of it, saying it’s caused by the nasal hair condensation index. You could also refer to it as Darned Rhinorrhea Interrupting People (DRIP). I looked it up on the internet and getting a runny nose is pretty common when eating and after other activities. It can happen just from getting older.

It turns out that there is a connection to eating certain kinds of hot and spicy foods called gustatory rhinitis. I never had this problem until the past month or so.

Recently, I get this even while juggling. And there is something called exercise induced rhinitis. It’s been known for over a hundred years.

I always notice I have a drippy nose when I come in the house after shoveling snow. It’s just snow melting from my nose hairs.

But I never got a runny nose from eating chili until a month or so ago.

And I found out there’s this thing called geriatric rhinitis. It can be caused by a number of things like (hold on to your tissue!) gustatory rhinitis. There are a number of other common causes including allergies, certain medications, and extraterrestrial abduction. Those darned ETs are forever sticking implants in peoples’ noses. There is a tendency to believe geriatric rhinitis needs some kind of specific treatment, such as anticholinergic sprays, immunotherapy, and a nasal cork stopper implantation procedure under general anesthesia in the outpatient Ear, Nose, and Throat surgery center. It costs only $50,000 per nostril (not covered by most insurance). ENT surgeons use a device with an Artificial Intelligence module, which can detect the difference between your nose and your eye with 50% accuracy.

Jokes aside (for a fraction of a second), I’ll admit a thought crossed my mind (an infrequent event) that I might have a cerebrospinal fluid leak, which is caused by a tear in the meninges into the sinuses and nasal passages. The fluid is thin and clear. Nasal sprays don’t stop it and you should seek medical attention if you can’t remember your name or find chunks of cerebral cortex in your Kleenex.

This blog post does not constitute medical advice and if you have DRIP, you should contact your nearest Voodoo practitioner.