Tag: humor

Svengoolie Movie: “The Thing That Couldn’t Die”

The thing about this movie we saw last night on the Svengoolie show, “The Thing That Couldn’t Die,” is that it heads in the wrong direction from the start—with a woman who douses for treasure. Dousing or witching for water or other things employs a special stick or rods to find objects buried underground. I actually saw this many years ago when I worked as a land survey crew member and watched an old guy use dousing rods to find buried water tile lines in a field. I remember one guy in my crew mentioned under his breath that the guy was probably old enough to remember where the tile line was originally buried.

Anyway, this film was released in 1958 and the general idea is that a sorcerer named Gideon Drew was beheaded by Sir Francis Drake 400 years ago. The head was buried in a box and the rest of the body was buried somewhere else. This would ensure that Gideon would suffer for all eternity—as long as nobody used his head to figure out that if you reconnected Drew’s body and his head, he could again commit mayhem.

Jessica is a seemingly empty-headed woman who is really able to find important objects by dousing. She finds the box containing Gideon’s head and a special charm necklace that protects her (at first) from Gideon’s ability to get inside your head.

Gideon possesses the deadhead character Mike because he’s the one who first opens the box. He then kills his controlling buddy, Boyd, who yells his head off, waking up Peggy’s Aunt Flavia, the owner of the land on which the box was found. Aunt Flavia has a head for figures because she runs the dude ranch where all the characters are and realizes that the box contained something valuable, learning later that she could get $5,000 for it from an archaeologist.

Mike drags Boyd’s body around in the woods by the head for a while, eventually dropping it into the hole where the box was originally found, but then gets killed off early in the movie. The actor, Charles Horvath, was ticked off about it and later went on to form the well-known rock band, the Ungrateful Head.

Meanwhile, Linda, who earlier invited Jessica to a square dance who declined because she preferred head banger music, gets hypnotized by Gideon. Linda then puts Gideon in a hatbox, which she gifts to Jessica after Jessica’s wannabe boyfriend, Gordon, takes the charm away from her to get it cleaned up. When Jessica opens the hatbox, Gideon zaps her, causing her to become a bad girl. Linda slaps her boyfriend Hank in the head a couple of times, which leads him to head back to their cabin to tear up his painting of her portrait and get his head bad by drinking whiskey.

Linda, Jessica, and Hank all get pretty drunk, and eventually Jessica decides to witch for the body of Gideon Drew, which she finds and the action starts coming to a head—Gideon’s head that is.

Jessica replaces Gideon’s head on his body. He integrates into the consistency of grayish head cheese and his vocal cords start working. The gang’s all there and Gideon threatens everybody and starts to bully them. Gordon tries to shoot him but bullets don’t work, and he then gets his head on straight, remembering he has the charm necklace. Gordon points it at Gideon, who reacts like Dracula does to a crucifix and almost immediately jumps back into the coffin his body was buried in, where he disintegrates.

Gideon’s spell is broken and a good time was had by all with nothing left to suffer but a mild headache from the whiskey hangover.

The moral of the film’s story is lost in all the interpersonal drama, but it might be that if you’re having trouble with water witching for drain tile lines, you should not lose your head because you can probably find a map of tile line locations in the city engineer’s office.

New Wrinkle on Iowa Bill to Oppose mRNA Vaccines in Iowa

This is a follow up to yesterday’s post about the Iowa legislature’s proposition of a new law that would essentially ban mRNA vaccines in Iowa. I don’t understand the numbers and codes on the new sections, but the new one proposes that manufacturers of vaccines would have to waive immunity from lawsuits arising from “a design defect of the vaccine.”

I’m not sure if that’s addition to being charged with a simple misdemeanor, subject to a $500 fine for administering the vaccine. I oppose this one too because I think it would essentially make vaccines difficult to access and harder to persuade new medical staff to come to Iowa.

There’s going to be a meeting about the bill at 4:30 PM CST. I can’t remember if it’s at the state house or at the Exile Brewing Co. for sandwiches and Ruthie’s beer.

In any case, the comment section is overwhelmingly in opposition to the bill. I saw several comments mentioning that we already have the National Vaccine Injury Compensation Program (NVIP), which is designed to field requests for compensation to those who believe they’ve been injured by certain vaccines. I had not heard of it before. It’s administered by the federal government, Health Resources & Services Administration, which is under the Health and Human Resources department.

There is a nice easy to read summary about the complicated story of vaccine safety and liability at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia website. It was reviewed by Dr. Paul A. Offit, MD last year. He attends meeting of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, although I think he missed the one last month about the flu vaccine because it was cancelled.

If I see anything earth shaking about the meeting this afternoon on HF712, I’ll make an addendum to this post.

Proposed Bill Would Ban mRNA Vaccines in Iowa

Sena just alerted me to a bill in the Iowa legislature right now that proposes mRNA vaccines (like the Covid vaccine for example) be banned in Iowa. Part of it says that any person who provides or administers such a vaccine would be guilty of a simple misdemeanor and subject to a $500 fine. I do not support it although I also support the right of others to disagree.

The bill advanced out of subcommittee yesterday and I’m not sure how although, admittedly, I don’t know what exactly that means about its chance of being ultimately passed into law. There were hundreds of comments against it. It moves for further consideration to the Iowa Senate Health and Human Services Committee according to a story in the Daily Iowan.

This sent me to the web to find out what other silly laws Iowa has passed. A few of them are below:

“Any person who attempts to pass off margarine, oleo, or oleomargarine as real butter is guilty of a simple misdemeanor in Iowa. This one originated in 1943, but is still in force today.”

“In Marshalltown, horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants.”

“It is illegal for a mustached man to kiss a woman in public.”

All of the above are on this Iowa State University web page.

Girl Scout Cookies Are Safe!

We were out the other day and tried the new Girl Scout Thin Mint Frosties. Sena got chocolate and I got vanilla. We thought they were delicious. Wendy’s partnered with Girl Scouts of the USA to serve them up and it’s a great idea. They’re swirled and topped with a mint-flavored cookie crumble sauce.

We heard that the Girl Scouts would be out selling their famous cookies the same day at booths outside different stores across Iowa including Iowa City, but we couldn’t find them that day. Maybe it was because it was a little cold to be standing outside in a booth. Interestingly today, the girl scout didn’t know this whole idea was a collaboration between Wendy’s and the Girl Scouts of America.

We finally found a website that posted a schedule of when and where the cookies would be selling.

The weird thing is just before Sena left to get some Thin Mints cookies, we found a news story on the web which raised an alarm about whether or not they are poisonous (they’re not), if you can imagine that. People have been buying Girl Scout cookies for years and I’ve never heard of any problems.

So, it occurred to me that even though we’re not employees of the federal government, we could find 5 things to say relevant to the Department of Gustatory Explorations (DOGE) as part of our frivolous investigation of this issue. I think I’ve got that department name right.

  1. It turns out there’s a group called Moms Across America which has partnered with an outfit called GMOScience and they’re calling out Girls Scout of America for selling cookies with “toxic” metals and glyphosate (an herbicide). In their own small, unpublished, non-peer reviewed study, they tested some cookies and found they all had some traces of these substances. They tested cookies including Thin Mints in 3 states which included Iowa.
  2. Snopes investigated and found a number of facts, one of which is that “a child would have to eat 9,000 cookies in a day to approach harmful levels of pesticide or naturally occurring metals.”
  3. The FDA says you can safely eat the Thin Mints and any of the other kinds of Girl Scout cookies. On the other hand, I will not eat cookies containing coconut because it has the consistency of little pieces of cellophane, which I would chew endlessly without ever being able to bring myself to swallow them. This is a personal idiosyncrasy that has nothing intrinsically to do with any food containing coconut.
  4. Don Huber is a retired Purdue University professor of plant pathology who is part of the anti-GMO movement. He’s made many claims which have been criticized and refuted, even by Purdue University faculty members. One of them is that glyphosate causes a number of diseases including Alzheimer’s disease and he claims his ideas are supported by the research of a Maharishi movement expert in yogic flying. By the way there is a Maharishi International University (MIU) located in Fairfield, Iowa. You can learn transcendental meditation there and read about yogic flying (more like hopping) in an interesting 2016 NPR article but you won’t find anything in the curriculum per se on their website about levitation (but you will if you search for the term “yogic flying”). Consequently, you won’t learn dad jokes about this, including but not limited to “Help, I’ve levitated and I can’t get down!”
  5. The Girl Scout cookies and the Frosties taste great.

Well, I think that about wraps it up for DOGE.

The Pizza in a Bowl Enigma

Sena got a couple of pizza bowls and it’s quite an experience. It might be one of the things extraterrestrials would not invent because they don’t have mouths big enough to eat anything but chick peas one at a time.

Don’t get me wrong. The pizza tastes great. Has anybody figured out how to eat them? The importance of crust for pizza doesn’t occur to you until you don’t have it.

First of all (and second of all too for that matter), what is the etiquette required? How about the utensils? We tried eating them with spoons but then opted for forks. Adding a knife seems like overkill—until you find out how forks work.

You pick up the whole gooey mess and it gets all over your face. Have plenty of napkins ready, maybe even a wash cloth or a hose. I even use a knife and fork to eat pizza with a crust, which I admit some would call fastidious.

This reminds me of Pizza in a Cup. If you remember the movie “The Jerk,” which starred Steve Martin and Bernadette Peters, there’s the scene of them eating Pizza in a Cup. I can hardly believe that movie was released way back in 1979.

You can see that some of the comments below the YouTube indicate that not everybody believes the crust makes the pizza. Some even openly admit they purposely make pizza in a cup. And you can find recipes on the web for it. When I was in college, we went out for pizza with friends, one of whom blotted her pizza slice with a paper towel. I’ll bet she would have run away from pizza bowls.

Pizza in a bowl is in the same category as pizza in a cup—Foods That Puzzle You.

Are There Clear and Consistent Racial Differences in Immunity?

So, the short answer is “Probably not.” I did a little digging on this because I heard the recently confirmed HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr (RFK Jr) cite studies which he says did indicate there are differences in humoral immunity between Caucasians and African Americans.

Now remember, I’m a retired general hospital psychiatric consultant and my immunology background consists of the standard immunology lecture in medical school. The class I remember most vividly was the one in which the lecturer stopped her lecture abruptly, sighed deeply and looked defeated, probably because she saw the look of confusion on our faces.

Now that you know my credentials, let me just review what I found in a far from exhaustive review of the scientific literature on the topic of whether or not African Americans have, as RFK Jr. remarked, a “better” immune system than Caucasians.

On my own, I found what RFK Jr referred to variously (depending what social media web source you use) as the “Poland” or “pollen” studies as the scientific source of information supporting his view. I suspect it’s this, in which the last author in the citation is GA Poland:

Haralambieva IH, Salk HM, Lambert ND, Ovsyannikova IG, Kennedy RB, Warner ND, Pankratz VS, Poland GA. Associations between race, sex and immune response variations to rubella vaccination in two independent cohorts. Vaccine. 2014 Apr 7;32(17):1946-53. doi: 10.1016/j.vaccine.2014.01.090. Epub 2014 Feb 13. PMID: 24530932; PMCID: PMC3980440.

It was later in the day that I finally also found the NPR news story, the author of which pointed out the same article.

I also found a couple of other articles which tend to contradict the findings of the Poland et al study. One of them was published in eClinicalMedicine in 2023:

Martin CA, Nazareth J, Jarkhi A, Pan D, Das M, Logan N, Scott S, Bryant L, Abeywickrama N, Adeoye O, Ahmed A, Asif A, Bandi S, George N, Gohar M, Gray LJ, Kaszuba R, Mangwani J, Martin M, Moorthy A, Renals V, Teece L, Vail D, Khunti K, Moss P, Tattersall A, Hallis B, Otter AD, Rowe C, Willett BJ, Haldar P, Cooper A, Pareek M. Ethnic differences in cellular and humoral immune responses to SARS-CoV-2 vaccination in UK healthcare workers: a cross-sectional analysis. EClinicalMedicine. 2023 Apr;58:101926. doi: 10.1016/j.eclinm.2023.101926. Epub 2023 Apr 4. PMID: 37034357; PMCID: PMC10071048.

The list of references include the Poland study (reference 27) cited above. The bottom line is the African American immune response to Covid is not “better” than that of white health care workers but the Asian immune response was stronger. I thought it was interesting that in the section “Evidence before this study,” the authors point out that in one previous study, African Americans had lower antibody responses to vaccination than Whites.

I looked at only one other study, published in Clinical Microbiology Review in 2019;

Zimmermann P, Curtis N2019.Factors That Influence the Immune Response to Vaccination. Clin Microbiol Rev 32:10.1128/cmr.00084-18.https://doi.org/10.1128/cmr.00084-18

OK, so I didn’t hunt through all 582 references, but I thought it was enough to note that the authors didn’t mention race as even being relevant anywhere in the body of the paper.

That said, I suspect the more important fact to focus on is racial disparity regarding African Americans even getting vaccines, especially the Covid vaccine. Vaccine hesitancy is common in this population and probably more important to address rather than whether or not there are significant racial differences in immunogenicity. The major challenge is providing accurate information about vaccines in general and Covid vaccines in particular.

The CDC Advisory Committee includes African American members who attend each meeting and emphasize the importance of including black people in vaccination campaigns. OK, so why was the meeting this month cancelled, postponed, or whatever?

Hey, I’m just an old psychiatrist, so don’t take my word for it about anything here. Ask an immunologist. If the immunologist gives you a blank look, you could try a Ouija Board.

Old School

We were reminiscing about our elementary school days following a discussion of news article about what some educators want to do with the school day schedule. Apparently, kids are pretty sleepy in class and teachers think it’s because they’re sleep deprived. Apparently, they’re not getting enough sleep at night and the proposal is that the school day schedule ought to be pushed ahead, the day starting at 9 AM instead of 8 AM.

Maybe the kids should be off their electronic devices a little earlier in the evening.

I guess there have been studies supporting this idea for years, but of course I hadn’t heard of it. Nobody seems to be in a hurry to change the system.

What we remembered were the consequences imposed by teachers and principals when we didn’t perform up to expectations in class, or misbehaved in class or on the playground.

Sena had a little trouble with remembering the vowels, a e i o u and sometimes y. She had so much trouble with it that she had to stay after school to write that out over and over on two big blackboards. It took quite a while. That was back in the days when blackboards were big and covered one entire wall of the classroom. There was always more chalk available if she ran out. Sometimes the penalty for her not paying attention was a few sharp raps on the top of her head with a No.2 pencil. Most often it was for talking out of turn or not paying attention.

I got caught a couple of times for throwing snowballs on the playground. I think it was at least a couple of times. The consequence for this infraction was to sit in the principal’s office drawing little circles resembling snowballs on a sheet of paper. They had to be small so that it took you a long time to fill up the paper. If you made them too big, the principal made you flip the sheet over and do it again. I think if you got writer’s cramp, you had to switch hands.

My brother and I had to walk to and from school. We had to get up early and sometimes the snow was up to our knees. It was about a half-mile walk to school. One winter day, I was walking home and found a dog frozen stiff as a statue next to the sidewalk.

I spent most of time after lunch looking at the clock, wishing the hands would move faster to 3 PM, when school let out. I would walk home and because I was a latchkey kid, I just let myself in the house.

I guess moving the time up so that kids can be more awake during the morning wouldn’t hurt anything. Maybe the curriculum will be simplified a little bit too. Things like geography could be easier. You could change the name of the Gulf of Mexico (or is it the Gulf of America now?) to something that makes more sense—like the Gulf of Water.

If you can’t learn that, maybe you need to have your head rapped with a No.2 pencil.

Send The Asteroid; We Deserve It

About that news article regarding an asteroid colliding with earth—I couldn’t read it…hits too close to home (rim shot!).

More seriously (but not much!), the background for this is that the asteroid 2024 YR4 has been identified by NASA and is tracking it now. News stories emphasize its large size of maybe up to a few hundred feet and the low chance of it hitting earth at all. NASA’s latest estimate today of the probability of it hitting us at 0.28%. It’s scheduled to buzz by or through us in 2032.

I’m still trying to learn the terminology about rocks in and from space:

Asteroid: a rock that orbits the sun

Comet: an icy ball of dirt that orbits the sun

Meteor: a descriptive term about the amount of a certain edible substance, as in— “What did the black hole say after it swallowed an asteroid? It was good but I wish it had been a little meteor.”

Meteorite: a space rock that enters the earth’s atmosphere, creates a streak of light in the sky and lands on the earth’s surface.

Trilobite: a funny looking creature that died out during the mass extinction caused by a meteorite landing on the earth’s surface.

Any questions? No? Then let’s move on.

This should remind everyone of the well-known X-Files episode, “Tunguska.” Like many of the episode names, it’s pretty inscrutable unless you have a little background. Tunguska is an area in Siberia that in 1908 took a big hit from a cosmic event, basically an explosion of many megatons which flattened a forest of millions of trees. The impact occurred far up in the sky and was probably caused by a meteorite which left no impact crater.

Anyway, Agent Mulder talks about the Tunguska event as part of speculation about where a rock (found early in the episode) came from that has this black oil in it which infects humans (making them homicidal maniacs) and is made by extraterrestrials. Earlier a scientist speculated that the rock might be a meteorite containing fossilized extraterrestrial bacteria—just before the black oil got him.

Neil deGrasse Tyson, the famous astrophysicist remarked in a news report about this rock that now might not be a great time to cut funding to science.  

So that’s why we should be asking ourselves, “Why are they called hemorrhoids? Because Asteroids was already taken.”

Get Ready to Vaccinate Your Chickens!

I’ve heard about the recent contract a drug company (Zoetis) obtained to make chicken vaccine for the H5N1 bird flu virus which is hopping from birds to cows and even to humans. So far, I haven’t heard that the bird flu is transmitted between humans.

As far as eating eggs, I’ve read that the chance of getting bird flu is pretty slim—but experts tell you to cook your eggs to a temperature above 165 degrees. No soft egg yolks for me.

Anyway, Zoetis is making a vaccine for chickens. I got to wondering how you would vaccinate chickens. Obviously, you have to catch them first, wrestle them down to the barnyard floor and stick a needle into them somewhere under all the feathers.

There’s a Wikihow with instructions (including a video) for giving chickens vaccines. One of them says to inject the bird in the spot for which you have the easiest access and which is the “most comfortable for the chicken.”

How do you tell which is the most comfortable spot for the chicken to be impaled by a needle? Maybe it’s marked by a Walgreens sticker. You have to sterilize the spot, maybe with a splash of that moonshine you’re making on your property. Make sure you don’t drink any of it during the vaccination process. You want to make sure of your aim.

 When and how do you wrap a rubber band around the beak? You know darn well the chicken is going to peck you. You can tell we don’t have chickens in the backyard.

And then there are all the stories on the internet about how chickens can run around for a short while even after their heads are cut off. If they’re that energetic without their heads attached, how much more frantic are they going to be if they see you chasing after them with a needle? And remember, you’re going to probably poke them in the neck. Chickens know that. They also know you’re wearing only thin rubber gloves.

And aren’t chicken farms or ranches or coops, whatever, just chock full of thousands of chickens? Vaccinating all of them is a dawn to dusk proposition so you better have your Wheaties in the morning.

Are the roosters also up for the vaccine? One way to get them ready is to let them crow until they pass out. Then you can poke them. You’re welcome.

Rife vs Ripe: Which is Right?

I noticed a couple of things about one of the President’s many new Executive Orders, which was “ESTABLISHING THE PRESIDENT’S MAKE AMERICA HEALTHY AGAIN COMMISSION,” or MAHA for short. It was posted on February 13, 2025. One thing it reminded me of is the tax filing season, which is upon us (everything reminds me of the tax filing season around this time of year). The other thing was a short article about the IRS, which is cutting staff sharply in response, probably as a response to the federal government workforce layoffs generally. One sentence in the article read:

“The IRS layoffs, first reported by the New York Times, come as part of a broader effort by President Donald Trump and Elon Musk’s overhaul of the federal government, which they argue is too bloated and inefficient, and ripe with waste and fraud.”

I put the word “ripe” in bold-face type because I sensed that the writer probably meant “rife” instead. I looked up the definitions of both just to make sure: Rife means abundant and ripe means mature (possibly overly mature as in smelly and ready for the garbage can).

I wonder if “rife” or “ripe” could apply to MAHA. I’m all for making us healthy. I agree with promoting health. I’m not sure what is meant by “assess the prevalence of and threat posed by the prescription of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, stimulants, and weight-loss drugs.” It sounds like a shot across the bow for psychiatrists and primary care physicians.

Some of the content may be either “rife” (or is it “ripe”?) with potentially misleading innuendo, implying that health care professionals are not doing all we can already to promote health. I agree with promoting research into the “root causes” for mental illness. However, some people need psychiatric medications for “just managing disease.” Reducing the suffering of those who are tortured by depression and delusions and hallucinations makes sense because that’s the humane thing to do.

This reminds me of a very interesting article about what some scientists think about how life began on this planet and how it might start elsewhere in the universe. Some think life evolves mainly by chance, by a cosmic accident. Others think it’s inevitable and occurs when planetary conditions are right. So that might mean there’s a good chance there are extraterrestrials are out there. If they are, what would they think of us?

And this reminds me of a quote from the movie, Men in Black. Agent K is showing Edwards a universal translator, one of the many wonders in the extraterrestrial technology room, which gives us a perspective on how humans rank in the universe:

Agent K: We’re not even supposed to have it. I’ll tell you why. Human thought is so primitive it’s looked upon as an infectious disease in some of the better galaxies.

So is the universe “rife” with life—or is it “ripe”?