Category: humor

Beat the Heat with Cold Snap and Common Sense

Sena likes to be out in the garden no matter how blisteringly hot it is. A few days ago, she was planting some yellow coreopsis and lantana, whatever that is. It was 82 degrees and with the heat index (about 60% humidity), it felt like 86 degrees. Later in mid-afternoon it rose to 95 degrees with the heat index.

She came in for a break to get some cold water and suddenly remembered the cooling cloth called “Cold Snap” you can wear around your neck to stay cooler outside. You just run it under cold water from the tap and wrap it around your neck.

She also put on her headband to keep the sweat out of her eyes to prevent her tear ducts from plugging up. That happened a longish time ago. She had a lot of tearing, and went to the eye clinic where a faculty ophthalmologist thought she might have a more complicated problem than a blocked tear duct (nasolacrimal duct obstruction).

The Cleveland Clinic differential diagnoses of a blocked tear duct include infection, injury, or nasal and paranasal tumors. Just getting older can make your more susceptible to blocked tear ducts. Procedures include the polysyllabic dacryocystorhinostomy (DCR, in which a bypass ductal drainage system is created) or alternatively, something which sounds like a last resort, the punctal plug.

The ophthalmologist recommended a complicated diagnostic and surgical treatment pathway the name of which she can’t remember (possibly something like those mentioned above) and said it was probably the only intervention that would work. Sena took exception to this and asked for something simpler. They arm wrestled, best two out of three, and Sena won.

So, the ophthalmologist finally just used a needle and syringe full of water and hosed the puncta. He and Sena both heard a small popping noise, and the obstruction was removed. The ophthalmologist was astonished and said it was a good teaching case for the residents. The problem was likely grime related to sweat and dirt—hence her use of a headband. She also uses baby shampoo to wash her eyes nowadays.

She never complains about the heat outside. She just gets out there in the garden and often stays out most of the day—no matter how worried I get about her.

There are ways to be heat aware in summer. The ReadyIowa web site on heat is a great resource.

Maybe I Should Be More Optimistic About Humans

I read the Psychiatric Times article “How Psychiatry Has Enriched My Life: A Journey Beyond Expectations” by Victor Ajluni, MD and published on July 4, 2023. It was like a breath of fresh air to read an expression of gratitude. Just about everything I read in the news is negative.

At the end of the article, Dr. Ajluni added a comment acknowledging that artificial intelligence (AI ChatGPT) assisted him in writing it. He takes full responsibility for the content, to be sure. I wouldn’t have guessed that AI was involved.

There’s a lot of negative stuff in the news. There are hysterically alarming headlines about AI.

I suppose you could wonder if Dr. Aljuni’s article is intentionally ironic, maybe just because the gratitude tone is so positive.  If it had been intended as irony, what could the AI contribution have been, though? I have a pretty low opinion of the AI capacity for irony.

I think irony occurs to me only because I tend to be pessimistic about the human race.

Maybe that’s because it has been very easy to be pessimistic about what direction human nature seems to be taking in recent years. I’ve been reading Douglas Adams’ satirical book, “The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.” It contains several of his books which I think are really about human nature, and the setting is in a funny though often terrifying universe. I think there’s an ironic tone which softens the pessimism. The most pessimistic character is not a human but a robot, Marvin the paranoid android.

Unlike Marvin, I don’t have “a brain the size of a planet” (it’s more the size of a chickpea), but I am getting a bit cynical about the universe. I’m prone to regarding humans as evolving into a race of beings similar to those described in the book “Life, The Universe and Everything.” In Chapter 24, Adams describes the constantly warring Silastic Armorfiends of Striterax.

The Silastic Armorfiends are incredibly violent. Their planet is in ruins because they’re constantly fighting their enemies, and indeed, each other. In fact, the best way to deal with a Silastic Armorfiend is to lock him in a room by himself—because eventually he’ll just beat himself up.

In order to cope better, they tried punching sacks of potatoes to get rid of aggression. But then, they thought it would be more efficient to simply shoot the potatoes instead.

They were the first race to shock a computer, named Hactar. Possibly, Hactar was an AI because, when they told Hactar to make the Ultimate Weapon so they could vanquish all their enemies, Hactar was shocked. Hactar secretly made a tiny bomb with a flaw that made it harmless when the Silastic Armorfiends set it off. Hactar explained “…that there was no conceivable consequence of not setting the bomb off that was worse than setting it off…”, which was why it made the bomb a dud. While Hactar was explaining that it hoped the Silastic Armorfiends would see the logic of this course of action—they destroyed Hactar, or at least thought they had.

Eventually, they found a new way to blow themselves up, which was a relief to everyone in the galaxy.

There are similarities between Hactar and the AI called Virtual Interactive Kinetic Intelligence (V.I.K.I.) in the movie “I, Robot.” The idea was that robots must control humans because humans are so self-destructive. Only that meant robots had to hurt humans in order to protect humanity. The heroes who eventually destroy V.I.K.I. make up a team of misfits: a neurotic AI named Sonny, a paranoid cop who is himself a mixture of robot and human, and a psychiatrist. Together, the team finally discovers the flaw in the logic of V.I.K.I. Of course, this leads to the destruction of V.I.K.I.—but also to the evolution of Sonny who learns the power of the ironic wink.

Maybe kindness is the Ultimate Weapon.

Extraterrestrial Grade Kewpie Mayo Corn Dish!

Sena made a Korean Corn Bake with Kewpie Mayo. There’s a spice in it that makes it special. On the label, it just says “spice.” One web article says the secret ingredient is monosodium glutamate (MSG). The author goes on at length to assure that MSG is safe. I guess it has gotten a bad rap. The author says you have to get the Kewpie Mayo made for the Japanese market to get it with MSG and went on to say that, in the U.S., yeast extract is substituted for MSG.

The Kewpie Mayo we have has extraterrestrial grade MSG in it.

That reminds me of a quote from the movie Beetlejuice. Lydia says, while eating Cantonese food:

“I plan to have a stroke from the amount of MSG that’s in this food.”

That’s not going to happen. Sena made this in about 15 minutes. She doesn’t need to measure anything. She just throws stuff together, a pinch of this, a sufficiency of that, etc.

She used peppers and onions, and butter, added the corn, condensed milk, and a generous squirt of Kewpie mayo. She loaded it with shredded cheese and popped it in the broiler on low.

It was great on crackers or just by itself. It did open up a wormhole portal in our kitchen and Bigfoot rushed in and tried to trade some beef jerky for the kewpie corn dish. He was too late.

We ate it all.

The Square Dude with the Circle Beard Returns

Well, I decided it was time to return to the circle beard after over 6 months of struggling to grow a full beard. I have too many potholes. I think it takes as much time and trouble to have a beard as it does to shave every day.

I found a web site about how some face shapes work better with specific beard styles. The author suggested measuring your face. I tried it. I measured my face length, forehead, cheekbones, and jaw line. The measurements are applied such that they classify you as having a face that is shaped: square, rectangle, round, oval, diamond, triangular, or like a heart.

According to the article, the bottom line is that I have a square-shaped face. So, I’m a square dude and what that means is that I should stick with a circle beard (mustache and goatee).

This makes sense because that’s what I used to have. See my blog post and YouTube video from 3 years ago, “Facial Hair and the Masked Worker.” I used to keep it stubble short so I could pass the fit test for the N95 respirator at the hospital when I was working as a psychiatric consultant.

Because I’m retired from the hospital, fit testing is no longer an issue. On the other hand, I think the circle beard will be less trouble to groom.

Mayo Taste Test!

Big day of mayo taste testing yesterday. We broke out the Kewpie Mayo, Duke’s Mayo, and Miracle Whip. Actually, we got the two mayonnaise brands out for dishes Sena had planned. We got the Miracle Whip out just to compare the taste of all three.

I thought the Miracle Whip was tangy. Sena actually thought it was pretty good too. Miracle Whip was sweeter than the other two (but not cloying!). Duke’s Mayo was definitely strong on the egg yolk flavor. I also thought it was salty. Kewpie Mayo was very different from the other two but it was difficult to tell just how, exactly.

We tried out the Duke’s Mayo on egg salad sandwiches. Sena’s verdict on Duke’s Mayo is that she doesn’t really like it and prefers Hellmann’s. I’m indifferent to it. I think it makes for a pretty good egg salad sandwich, but I prefer Miracle Whip. And Sena is becoming a little more partial to Miracle Whip.

Sena Tries Miracle Whip on Braunschweiger!

The other day, Sena suggested we have a soup and sandwich dinner. We both had a Braunschweiger sandwich on toasted bread, with onions—and Miracle Whip! Sena suggested the adding the onions and toasting the bread. She also decided to try the Miracle Whip spread. I chose the soup, which was so spicy we needed a drink of lemonade with every bite.

Usually, she prefers mayonnaise to Miracle Whip, so I was floored. In fact, adding onions on toasted bread with the sandwich was delicious! We both liked it.

Braunschweiger is also very nutritious. According to one web article, a single serving has 14 grams of protein, important for muscle growth, repair, and health overall. It also has heart healthy monosaturated fats (good for you), it’s high in Vitamin A which is great for eye health, and has many essential vitamins and minerals.

And is Miracle Whip good or bad for you? It turns out it has half the calories and fat of mayo, so it’s a healthy choice.

Sena actually liked the Braunschweiger with Miracle Whip sandwich. She made sure I put onions on the sandwiches and she liked the way I diced them. In fact, onions are also good for you. They’re low in calories and nutrient rich.

Try to pair it with a soup that it isn’t nuclear grade spicy and doesn’t require a gallon of lemonade to put out the fire.

Older adults can learn more about healthy eating and exercise at the Move Your Way link. Try it. You might like it.

Thoughts on Extraterrestrial TV Shows

A couple of nights ago, I watched a few TV shows on the Travel Channel about UFOs, extraterrestrial abductions, implants, and whatnot. I think there was some sort of marathon given that it was the Independence Day weekend.

Anyway, I was surprised to see Marc D’Antonio on a show called Alien Invasion: Hudson Valley. The story is about a community of people there who report many encounters with extraterrestrials. I’m used to watching The Proof Is Out There on the History Channel, hosted by congenial and humorously skeptical Tony Harris. On that show, D’Antonio is one of the “analysts” who appraise photos submitted as evidence for the paranormal. He’s always pretty skeptical and presents a scientific demeanor.

However, D’Antonio is also a MUFON investigator (which I found out later) and on the Hudson Valley show, he gave a detailed account of having been visited by an extraterrestrial, lost time, and woke up later in his bed, covered in his own blood, later seeing a doctor who removed some big foreign object from his nose, which he reported had probably been implanted there by the extraterrestrial. He told the anecdote matter-of-factly and I was struck by his non-scientific attitude.

I guess he and many others like him are actors in this flood of UFO TV shows which are very entertaining and give the appearance of being investigative in their purpose. D’Antonio appeared to be an actor, which led me to doubt the authenticity of his role on The Proof Is Out There.

They kicked around the idea that extraterrestrials were implanting objects in people to track the ones who are Rh negative blood type. They suggested that extraterrestrials need to use humans as some kind of blood bank. That reminds me of a line from Men in Black II:

Newton: Gentlemen, before I start the tape, one more thing—what’s up with anal probing? I mean, do aliens really travel billions of light years just to…

On the other hand, the Hudson Valley thing was a confusing mix of ghost hunters and alien hunters. They used a device that I think they called an electromagnetic field (EMF) meter, which you can purchase on Amazon along with many other ghost hunting gadgets. The women actors shrieked predictably as they reported feeling invisible hands stroke their hair.

I thought the show was supposed to be about extraterrestrials, not ghosts. They tried to cover the bases by tossing out terms like interdimensional beings, ghosts, and extraterrestrials. Most IMDb reviewers generally panned the show as being unbelievably bad, which is right.

A program previous to that was about some podiatric surgeon named Roger Leir who removed a lot of foreign objects out of somebody’s foot and then claimed they were implanted by aliens. Leir sent the objects to a lab, which identified them as being made of common elements. Somehow, he got the idea they were from outer space.

But they didn’t mention that in the show. They brought in some other expert who claimed they were parts of alien nanotechnology. The only thing I could find out about that was on, oddly enough, an Ohio State University web page article about Leir that seemed out of place on the OSU website. The article was seemingly supportive of his claim that the objects were alien implants.

I think the shows should be more clearly identified as being entertainment in nature, not investigative. If they want to get more viewers, they might try adopting the Mountain Monsters approach, which is to make a parody about the subject. At least the humor would valuable.

Braunschweiger and Miracle Whip Nostalgia Sandwich

Sena bought two items at the grocery store that brought back memories: Braunschweiger and Miracle Whip.

You may recall the Miracle Whip vs Mayonnaise challenge blog posts last August-September. Miracle Whip took a beating and it’s partly because I suspect the makers changed the recipe for it.

I can’t change that. On the other hand, I used to make sandwiches using slices of plain white bread and Braunschweiger. There are dozens of brands of Braunschweiger. I’ve never heard of Field, but it hardly matters. I think they’re all pretty much the same.

On the other hand, try telling that to the food science experts at Iowa State University. We found a YouTube video of a guy explaining what they look for when judging Braunschweiger. He went on about how it has to be a certain color (reddish is better), it can’t be spreadable, and it has to be flown in from a distant galaxy and so on.

But we also found a couple of videos that show the spread of opinion on what people think of the taste of Braunschweiger. One of them showed a guy in Texas who tried it for the first time. He toasted the bread (something I’ve never done), sliced the meat, placed it between the bread slices without any kind of condiment—took a while to roll it around his mouth and finally praised it highly.

That contrasted with a video of a father and son who made a hilarious and overdone spectacle of themselves gagging their way through a taste test.

There are a lot of recipes out there using Braunschweiger. Many of them look really tasty. Nostalgia is the word for my version. I don’t do anything fancy with it. I slap Miracle Whip on the bread, slap Braunschweiger slices on them and have lunch.

I ate a lot of lunch meat sandwiches when I was growing up. I didn’t know about nitrates and nitrites back then and didn’t worry about carcinogens from them. I still don’t. If you want the lowdown on nitrates and nitrites in your diet and the relationship to diseases like cancer as well as their benefits, you can read a very thorough and recent review of it (Karwowska M, Kononiuk A. Nitrates/Nitrites in Food-Risk for Nitrosative Stress and Benefits. Antioxidants (Basel). 2020 Mar 16;9(3):241. doi: 10.3390/antiox9030241. PMID: 32188080; PMCID: PMC7139399.). There is no slam dunk decision on whether it’s totally evil or not—note the word “benefits” in the title.

I recommend you not watch any overly dramatic YouTubes or read any scary science articles about it. Keep it simple. Just enjoy your Braunschweiger and Miracle Whip sandwich. You can also enjoy it with mayonnaise, if you’re so inclined. Sena and I did a taste test and this time the Miracle Whip tasted just like it did when I was a kid! Sena actually liked Braunschweiger. She ruined it with mayo, but that’s just her.

Pineapple Pizza Redo!

Well, we tried pineapple pizza a couple of months ago and the other day we tried it again. This time, as promised, we tried the Lotzza Motzza version. We didn’t doc it up. We thought it would be the best.

Neither of us were impressed. Sena says she wouldn’t try it again.

Neither of us could even taste the pineapple, although it seemed like there was enough of it on there.

Sena mentioned that somebody she used to work with got takeout pineapple pizza at Pagliai’s here in Iowa City. The place is legendary for great pizza here and the friend swore it was delicious. We’ve always been impressed with Pagliai’s Pizza.

However, I think we’ve had enough pineapple pizza.

Video of the Raccoon in the Mulberry Tree

Sena said I should use the short video of that big raccoon I filmed in lumbering around and eating breakfast in our mulberry tree the other day. I didn’t include it in the original post, but when Sena and I looked at it together, she persuaded me that it was worth posting.