humor – Page 28 – Go Retire Psychiatrist

University of Iowa Will Lead NASA Space Mission to Learn the Music of the Spheres

The big news for University of Iowa will be a NASA satellite mission to investigate how solar wind interacts with Earth’s magnetosphere. You can read the whole fascinating story in this issue of Iowa Magazine.

According to the story, “twin spacecraft known as TRACERS—Tandem Reconnection and Cusp Electrodynamics Reconnaissance Satellites—will begin their journey to study Earth’s mysterious magnetic interactions with the sun. The satellites will be packed with scientific instruments along with two small, but meaningful, tokens.”

The two small tokens happen to be purple guitar picks that belonged to University of Iowa physicist, Craig Kletzing, who died from cancer in 2023. Kletzing and colleagues got a $115 million contract from NASA for TRACERS. It’s the largest research award in University of Iowa history.

Kletzing played guitar in a few bands, and one them was named Bipolar—which is the only connection to psychiatry that I could see. He was dedicated to work in basic science, and he was often heard to ask “How can we make this simpler?” referring to chunking big scientific challenges into manageable goals. He was a rare person in that he was both a brilliant scientist and a great teacher. One example of his work ethic was that he skipped a meeting with NASA’s top brass in order to deliver a morning lecture on introductory physics to 275 students.

The members of the UI TRACERS team call the project “Craig’s mission.” I’m pretty sure he would have called it a team effort “… to help scientists better understand the powerful forces harmonizing throughout the universe—something the ancient Greeks described as the music of the spheres.”

And that’s what the purple guitar picks represent.

Members of the Human Club

I just read Dr. Moffic’s column, “Join This Club for Mental Health” in which he described the Clubhouse movement which got started in the 1940s to help those with mental health challenges to cope with their illness and, more importantly, to recover, grow, and achieve success in life.

It made wonder if there are any chapters of the Clubhouse model in Iowa. It turns out there is and it’s Carol House in Davenport, Iowa. It’s connected with the Vera French Mental Health Center. Its namesake is Carol Lujack, who was a member when the center was called “The Frontier Community Outreach Program” in the 1980s in downtown Davenport.

I was looking at the Carol Center website where you can find many interesting features of the people and activities that go on there. The April newsletter is fascinating and funny. You can find out in the April Newsletter about a few of the current members, April holidays (there’s a slew of them), and famous quotes. One of the quotes is familiar and it’s by F. Scott Fitzgerald,

“Vitality shows not only in the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over,” The quote is worded in various ways, but I remember it because I used it as an inspirational quote when The University of Iowa honored me and several of my colleagues with a Feather in Your Cap award back in 2011.

This was shortly after I returned to Iowa after an unsuccessful stab at trying private practice psychiatry in Wisconsin. And it was the second time I did that—the first time was in Illinois.

Did you know that April is National Humor Month? And have you heard the joke “What kind of candy is never on time?” Choco-Late.

One April holiday is not mentioned and that’s Arbor Day, which varies according to what part of the world you’re in as planting times differ. Sena planted a couple of new trees in the back yard.

Starting new chapters of Clubhouse is a little like planting new trees. They need watering.

The Goldwater Rule and The Golden Rule

I read Dr. Moffic’s column today about the challenge in finding a rational solution to the objections many psychiatrists have to diagnosing President Donald Trump with a psychiatric disorder, despite the Goldwater Rule against doing that in any public forum.

Dr. Moffic points out that the high emotions aroused on both sides of the political aisle by the president has resulted in proposed legislation by Minnesota republican lawmakers to create a novel psychiatric diagnosis, Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS), which may justify revising the Goldwater Rule, allowing psychiatrists to go public with diagnoses of President Trump.

I suspect that the TDS law was provoked by the conflict between democrats and republicans about the president. In fact, one of the Minnesota lawmakers has basically admitted that the bill was a prank by calling it “…tongue in cheek…” On the other hand, if this is just frustration between politicians, then I would expect that the whole thing might have been dropped a couple of weeks ago.

Yet, the bill still stands, albeit without any movement forward to committee. One of the authors, Senator Glenn Gruenhagen, has posted a comment on Facebook on March 17, 2025 (the day the bill was introduced), indicating that he knows democrats “…will never allow this bill to pass anyway, so take a breath and calm down.”

Can we do that, please? A good start might be to withdraw the bill.

I also saw a news story posted by The Guardian on March 26, 2025, quoting a New York City Child Psychiatrist, Leon Hoffman, MD, suggesting that the Goldwater Rule is too often broken, and, in response to the TDS gambit, that it might be preferable “…to develop a comparable national rule prohibiting political personnel, both elected and appointed, from creating psychiatric diagnoses as a tool against their political opponents.” Would anyone like to second that emotion?

You can’t just legislate restraint, respect and kindness in public or private discourse. Policies and laws can lay the groundwork for the eventual development of tolerance and maybe even acceptance of others. The Goldwater Rule is too often broken. The Golden Rule is too often broken as well.

Thoughts on the X-Files Episode “Humbug”

So, I was watching the X-Files episode, “Humbug” last night and it got me wondering about the meaning of the word “nature.” The character, Dr. Blockhead says “Nature abhors normality.” Of course that reminded me of a similar quote attributed to Aristotle, “Nature abhors a vacuum.”

You can read the short Wikipedia summary of “Humbug” and comments about how Otherness philosophy (perceiving oneself as distinct from others in order to form one’s own identity) figures into the story contrasting sideshow freaks with the conventional FBI agents Mulder and Scully. The episode is funny, which is one reason why I like it. It sheds a little light on the way humans treat each other (and potentially, extraterrestrials?) in terms of their genetic, cultural and other differences.

I found another connection to “Humbug” in, of all places, a WordPress blog post from 2017 entitled “Fiji Mermaid,” written by an artist who relocated to America from Scotland many years ago. The Fiji Mermaid was featured in “Humbug.” It was a humbug (fake mermaid) made up of the head and torso of a monkey stitched to the tail of a fish. Commenters actually mention that it reminded them of the X-Files episode, which the artist enjoyed, partly because she’s interested in the history of sideshows and freaks.

I also read an interesting news item about the definition of nature in terms of the relationship between humans and the rest of the natural world. That led me to check on the definition of the word.

Until recently, the word “nature” was defined in the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) as “The phenomena of the physical world collectively; esp. plants, animals, and other features and products of the earth itself, as opposed to humans and human creations.”

The updated OED has additional definition, which is “More widely: the whole natural world, including human beings.”

I think one of the points of “Humbug” is that humans are a part of nature and we are hard at work mutating it. One of the characters, Dr. Blockhead, criticizes it:

“Twenty-first century genetic engineering will not only eliminate the siamese twins and the alligator-skin people, but you’re gonna be hard-pressed to find a slight overbite, or a not-so-high cheekbone. You see, I’ve seen the future, and the future looks just like him! (points to Mulder).”

“Nature abhors normality. It can’t go for long without creating a mutant.”

You can understand the word “nature” to refer to both humans and the natural world outside of us, possibly to other galaxies. It also makes me wonder who defines what is normal. That leads to social and political factors which complicate everything. I guess that could be why Dr. Blockhead says the reason why nature abhors normality is a mystery—and should remain so.

On the other hand, if it weren’t for the natural human drive to ask questions and explore, the mystery of the cause of polio would have remained a mystery and the iron lung would still be in use.

But Will Black Garlic Ward Off Vampires?

Sena got some black garlic, which many people are enthusiastic about and call a superfood. There is a very long Wikipedia article with over 180 references about its beneficial health effects. The authors are very enthusiastic about it. Like many superfoods, it has a lot of support from many people.

There’s a slew of claims about what black garlic can do for you, from supporting immunity to preventing cancers and dementia.

There are some caveats. It can thin your blood, so those already taking anticoagulants should use caution about eating a lot of it.

Ahmed T, Wang CK. Black Garlic and Its Bioactive Compounds on Human Health Diseases: A Review. Molecules. 2021 Aug 19;26(16):5028. doi: 10.3390/molecules26165028. PMID: 34443625; PMCID: PMC8401630.

It’s been used for hundreds of years in Asia although it sounds like a brand-new food. It’s fermented over several weeks, which gives it the dark color.

It’s black and the taste is on the sweet side. If you just found it on the sidewalk, you’d step around it because it looks like animal poop. It has a gummy bear texture.

I didn’t see any testimonials mentioning how black garlic does in preventing vampire attacks.

It’s good in chili.

Jim vs Donald Trump on Cribbage Pro

President Donald Trump and I made a deal about his plan to make Canada the 51^st state of America. If President Trump wins, he goes ahead and tries it. If I win, he lets it go.

I won.

This is satire! Happy April Fool’s Day!

Bigfoot Safari in Iowa!

I suppose you’ve all heard there’s going to be another Iowa Bigfoot search this year sponsored by the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization (BFRO). It’s scheduled for September 18-21, 2025 (Thursday-Sunday). Check the registration details for fees and whatnot—No guns or dogs allowed.

What would Einstein say about the difference between Bigfoot, Yeti, and Sasquatch? They’re all relative.

The announcement as of today doesn’t say where the trip will start yeti (har!). Presumably, the party won’t be anywhere near Dyersville, where the movie “Field of Dreams” was filmed. And if the organizers give this a big enough build-up, the hopeful will come.

And they have showed up for previous events; at least I think so. There have been several such expeditions in recent years. According to the BFRO website, there’ve been 78 sightings of Bigfoot in Iowa.

Bigfoot saw me but no one believed him.

The Wikipedia article on Bigfoot is one of the longest I’ve ever seen. There are over 300 references. Funny, I didn’t see any of my documented sightings even mentioned, not even the classic tree structure in Hickory Hill Park.

How does Bigfoot know what time it is? He checks his sasquatch.

What do you call a Sasquatch who can improvise? An unscripted cryptid.

What do you call a Sasquatch who’s always prepared? A ready Yeti.

What do you call an Italian Bigfoot? A spag-yeti.

What kind of exercise does Bigfoot like? Sasquats.

Bigfoot sightings have been reported from all over the world. You can even see one in Canada caught on camera in this famous documentary from The Red Green Show.

What is Spam All About?

Sena purchased some Spam products, some of which I didn’t know the Spam company made. They make different flavors. No kidding, there’s Hickory Smoke, Hot & Spicy, Korean BBQ, Sasquatch toe jam with satanic sauce.

She ordered only one can of the Hot & Spicy, and they sent a whole case by mistake, but charged for only one can.

There’s a huge Spam web site and the main company is in Austin, Minnesota. There’s a question-and-answer section which you’d expect would have an answer for the question about what the name “Spam” even means. It turns out nobody’s sure; it could be short portmanteau word for spiced and ham.

What do you call the body of water off the coast of Mexico after a tankerful of canned spiced ham is spilled into it? The Gulf of Spamerica.

This Spam thing reminded us of weird food enthusiast, Andrew Zimmern, and his show “Bizarre Foods” which we used to cringe at. He’ll eat almost anything but he hates Spam.

What’s in Spam anyway, that even Zimmern can’t stand to eat? It’s made of pork with ham, salt, water, potato starch, sugar, and sodium nitrite. The sodium nitrite part reminds me of Iowa’s KCCK radio blues music show host John Heim aka Big Mo, who often talks about MayRee’s hand battered catfish, “packed with nitrates, cooked to perfection with manic delight.”

So, it turns out that Spam is packed with nitrates too and you shouldn’t eat it every day. They do make healthier kinds of Spam, including Spam Lite (50% less fat, 25% less sodium, 33% fewer calories, made with hypomanic delight) and Spam 25% Less Sodium.

What do you call the part of a bridge extension between multiple piers which is made of canned nitrate-reinforced ham and pork shoulder? A continuous spam.

There’s no real urban legend about them—yet, but there might be little Spam zombies out there called spambies who really like Spam, possibly because the color might remind them of brain. They’ll steal it if you’re not hiding it.

Why couldn’t the spambie father any children? He had a low spam count.

Anyway, even though I can’t recall eating Spam when I was a kid, it’s entirely possible and the trauma left me with amnesia.

By the way, if King Arthur had eaten spiced ham and pork shoulder packed with nitrates every day for lunch, what would he have called his castle? Spamelot.

Attack of the Toothworms

I had my regular visit to the dentist at The University of Iowa Health Care (UIHC) today, and it was a good thing I did. For the past couple of weeks or so I’ve had cold and hot sensitivity in a couple of teeth. No surprise, the dentist found 3 teeth that needed a little work.

The dental hygienist also suggested I try using a tongue cleaner and gave me a free one. I’d never heard of a tongue cleaner before. The package advertisement (in English, French, and Spanish) says it’s for combatting bad breath, although the dental hygienist assured me in 6 different languages that she didn’t detect that problem in me.

I was there for my annual teeth cleaning but now I had 3 teeth needing work. Luckily, the dentist had an appointment in the early afternoon. It was a 3 hour wait, but I thought it was better to get it done sooner rather than later. Anticipating a visit with a dentist is sometimes almost as bad as getting in the chair and exercising my ability to refrain from flinching as the high-speed instruments whine in my ear while the dentist and the assistant do their level best to see that I gag several times in at least 9 different languages, including Klingon.

It’s hard to explain why I was having tooth sensitivity because, according to the dentist, the damage was not that severe. It wasn’t until I wandered around the hospital while waiting for the 2^nd appointment that I realized I had never visited the Medical Museum on the 8^th floor. And that’s where I found a possible explanation that made more sense than the modern one. It’s probably toothworms.

No kidding, back in the 18^th century, a lot of people thought worms caused tooth decay by eating them from the inside out. There was also a College of Dentistry display in the Medical Museum featuring a typical dentist chair and samples of rusty tools, which made wonder if I should put off the filling work until, say, after my next ten reincarnations.

There’s a human skeleton in the museum which is affectionately called Gertie. The historical note on Gertie is very interesting in that it was thought to be a male when Ottumwa Regional Health Center donated it to UIHC in 2013. It turns out he is actually a she and the “…two symmetrical holes in the upper jaw are the result of large dental abscesses.” Just what I wanted to learn on a day when I’m anticipating dental work.

Anyway, my teeth got repaired. I would say that the UIHC dental clinic has come a long way from 1904. You don’t turn and spit in a bowl anymore. They just siphon the toothworms out with a suction wand nowadays.

The Best Cribbage Song You Never Heard Of

I was looking for fun cribbage facts the past few days and while I couldn’t find any good cribbage jokes, I did find an interesting song about cribbage called “One for His Nob (The Cribbage Song.” It was done by a British artist, Richard Thompson. It’s included with another song by him entitled “Meet on the Ledge.” See the credit below and in the YouTube video description.

ADDENDUM 7/16/2025: The video below for the song “One for his nob” has vanished, unfortunately. I found another one called “The Crib Song” by Brett Kessler. You can find out more on my post from 7/16/2025 “Whoops, The One for his nob Cribbage Song Vanished.”

Anyway, the song “One for his Nob” is full of references to cribbage lingo, a lot of which is hard to catch because the tune is so fast. One of the terms is “19 in the box,” which refers to a score of zero in what American cribbage players call the “crib.” A no score in cribbage is often called 19 because that score is impossible. The term “one for his nob” is also standard cribbage lingo for holding the Jack of the same suit as the cut card.

Sena and I thought it would be fun to record a video of us playing cribbage so we could play it back along with Thompson’s song. The thing is I had to speed up the video because it took us a little over 10 minutes to play a cribbage game just to 60 instead of 120. It felt frenetic, but it fits the song a little better because the song is 2 min and 44 seconds long.

If you play the YouTube vide of “One for His Nob” just right and watch our speeded-up video of us playing cribbage, it’s funny. In fact, it just so happened that Sena scored a point twice in the game because she got the nob Jack in two separate hands.

I’ve included the regular speed video of our cribbage game for comparison.

“One for His Nob” is a song about cribbage recorded by British singer-song writer Richard Thompson. It was published by Avon Records and released on July 1, 2015.