Tag: humor

The Svengoolie Movie the Leech Woman and What About the Pineal Gland?

OK, so I watched the Svengoolie movie, “The Leech Woman” a couple of weeks ago and I think I missed the part where the June Talbot was told that the potion containing the pineal gland secretion and powdered flower parts entailed the requirement that the pineal gland secretion should come from a man. You can read the Wikipedia plot summary for background and watch the movie for free on the internet archive.

Leave aside for the moment that the film tries to make you think you can have easy access to the pineal gland through the back of the neck using a sharp point on a ring. Of course it’s deep inside the brain.

What I don’t remember is whether or not June was ever told that the pineal gland secretion has to come from a man in order to reverse aging. It won’t work if it comes from a woman. Aside from devaluing women in general, it was never clear to me that June was ever told that by Malla, the African woman who is over 150 years old but looks like she’s 20 when she gets her shot of pineal and petal.

I’ve looked on the internet for reviews which mention the mistake June makes when she murders her lawyer’s fiancée who is unhappy that June managed to easily seduce him. She’s so unhappy she threatens June with a pistol in a confrontation that gets rather comically violent, resulting a in struggle leading to June stabbing the fiancée in the back of the neck, obviously in an effort to get the priceless pineal juice.

What’s weird about this (other than the obviously ridiculous premise that pineal glands have anything to do with aging or rejuvenation) is that June apparently either forgets or never realized that the pineal stuff has to come from a male to be effective.

What’s even more puzzling is that, before assaulting a woman for the pineal fluid, June had adopted a predatory strategy to pop the pineals of several men, leading you to believe she knew the source had to be a man.

So, is this an example of dementia or stupidity?

Take Out Wrenched Ankle

Early this month, I was reminded of the old Operation game (some of us remember the TV commercial) when I wrenched my left ankle. It was the lateral malleolus, to be anatomically correct about it.

I was dismantling a bedstead. It’s kind of an old-fashioned piece and the headboard was pretty heavy. I was removing the side rails. I thought they were hooked to slots in the headboard and footboard and the parts would stay together after I unscrewed the side rails.

They weren’t and they didn’t.

I was facing the footboard removing the last screw from the side rail. I didn’t see the headboard falling when it struck the outer aspect of my left ankle with a loud bang on the joint flexed in sort of a sprinter’s starting posture. Surprise!

I was able to walk with a slight limp. It was swollen and bruised, but I could still put my shoes and socks on. I could even do a left one leg stand for a few seconds.

The swelling is down but still noticeable. It’s much less painful. I thought I could go without seeing a doctor because I could walk on it without limping. I eventually saw a web article about this kind of injury which pointed out that in some cases you can still walk on a broken ankle.

I may be in denial, but I’m betting it’s sprained. The moral of the story is that you should always have a spotter with you to hang onto potentially unstable heavy objects like headboards.

Learning to Use ClipChamp While Recording Cribbage Game on Cribbage Pro

I’m learning how to use the video editor ClipChamp, the free version on the new laptop. So, I muddled through a screen recording of playing what’s called the Daily Cribbage Scrimmage on Cribbage Pro, a feature-rich computer Cribbage game on which you can different skill levels of computer players from easy to impossible as well as online with other live players.

I’m used to using an old version of PowerDirector for my video editing. I would have to expend a fair amount of energy and a little more money to install it on the laptop. I can deal with the webcam on the laptop, but using ClipChamp takes some getting used to.

Donating Furniture to ReStore and the Five Minute Rule

Recently, we donated some furniture to Habitats for Humanity ReStore in Iowa City. We got the idea from seeing our neighbors doing the same thing a few years ago.

ReStore requires you to put the items in your garage or driveway. The request for pickup is an easy on-line form. You have to upload photos of your items. I forgot to take a photo of the stone table top, so I had to use an old photo I took of it after a Cribbage game.

The story of the contrast between how long it took us to get the stuff out to the garage and how long it took the pick-up guy to get it into his truck is an example of what I’ll call the five-minute rule. If it takes the average person 5 hours to get heavy furniture from inside the house into the garage, it will take the pick-up guy 5 minutes to load it into his truck.

I took a photo of the table upside down because we had to take the legs off. Otherwise, we would never have gotten it through the doorway. It weighed a ton. We laid the table top upside down on a rug in the garage. I screwed the legs back on after we got it in the garage and left it upside down.

Getting a couple of sofas and a very heavy dining room table with a stone top out of the house was no easy task. It took us hours. I don’t know how the movers originally got them in the house. This was one of those “you really had to be there” episodes to appreciate.

We had to remove the feet from the sofas to get them through the doorway. They twist off, but they’re also attached with hex head screws. Oh, and those stick-on pads you apply to the bottoms of the feet so your floors don’t get scratched? You have to scrape those off to get to the screws. Just sayin’. Lucky, we had a hex head wrench that was long enough to reach through the hole in the foot. And even after we removed the feet, the sofas had to be turned just right to get it through the doorway. We’re talking less than a half-inch to spare on both sides.

It took most of the morning to get the items into the garage. I never want to do anything like that again.

Now here’s the kicker. The guy who came to pick up the furniture was a tall, wiry, friendly guy who had a hand truck and nobody else with him. The truck had a ramp. It took him about 5 minutes to hustle everything into the truck. Miraculous. I never thought of getting a hand truck. I probably could have rented one from U-Haul.

On the other hand, I doubt we’d have done much better if we’d had a hand truck. The pick-up guy was not just strong. He used Ninja physical maneuvers which made the whole job look easy. Five minutes.

By comparison, several hours after we finally got the stuff into the garage, it took me five minutes just to limp back into the house and collapse.

But Habitats for Humanity really appreciates your donations.

Cicada-Geddon in Eastern Iowa

A couple of days ago I saw one of the many news items about the 17 year (and 13 year) cicadas invading Eastern Iowa this summer.

But I haven’t seen any mention of the sex-crazed, fungus-infected zombie cicadas announced in April.

So, you can relax. Try noise-cancelling headphones.

Top of the Line Appliances for Your Pipe Dream Home!

It’s that time of the year again; everybody’s moving whether relocating across the country or just moving across town.

One thing is key: you need quality, top of the line appliances. Say you’re having family and friends over for dinner and you need freezer space for roadkill squirrel. Why, a General Electric fridge with the perfect size little freezer designed to accommodate flattened rodents is just what you need.

But wait; you’ll need a stove to cook them! Look no further than your own Magic Chef. Emeril Lagasse would be proud to own this little gem, which might even have smell-o-vision as he would call it! That is, if you like the smell of smoked salmon (see what I did there?). Just whack your food against the grill to knock off any residual char. Or spray them down with the complimentary Copper Bullet Hose and watch that smoke just disappear!

Better hurry to order. These items are selling so fast there is a strict order of only two to a customer!

Pay no attention to that thing which resembles an antique hash pipe in the oven.

Note on Photos: Courtesy of Slager Appliances in Iowa City, I took these photos of vintage appliances on display in their showroom.

The Triple Berry Frosty at Wendy’s

We got the Triple Berry Frosty at Wendy’s and we got a surprise answer at the order station when we asked what berries are in it:

“Uh, I don’t actually know.”

Fair enough. We tried to guess. Sena thought one of them was strawberry and another was blueberry (to account for the slightly bluish color). I couldn’t tell what was in it-but it was good.

I had to look on the web to find out the berries are strawberry, blackberry, and raspberry.

The Wendy’s Blog says that the Triple Berry Frosty is one way to take a break: “We all have moments when we could use a bit of an escape from our busy lives.”

That fits right now.

Coin Rolling Conniptions!

Bank tellers who hand you sleeves to roll your coins laugh in their sleeves (so to speak) because they don’t count coins anymore and they like to see the customers wince.

I complained about this in a previous post. I tried it. It’s doable. I used the Wikihow method. Using a cloth to put the coins on helps because they just slide around on a smooth tabletop.

Lining them up in your palm and sliding them into the sleeve just right so they don’t jam is the hard part. Once you get the hang of it—it’s still incredibly slow.

Maybe the Coinstar machine?

UPDATE: I got $55 dollars rolled up in coins. All told, I probably put in about 2 hours on the project. I also want to point out that you’ll have different numbers of piles of 10 coins depending on what denomination is marked on the sleeves.

Releasing Your Inner Nerd

Getting the new laptop reminds me of my pocket protector nerd days. That’s because the modern laptop is a sharp contrast to the big heavy desktops. I worked for consulting engineers back in the stone age and I wore a pocket protector. Some people might not know what that is. It’s a little plastic pen holder that fits in your shirt pocket. It protects your shirt from ink spots, but makes you look like a nerd. I would also keep notes on a little pocket flip cover paper notebook.

It was mandatory that you carry six or seven pens and mechanical pencils in the pocket holder, which typically would be emblazoned with some kind of engineering advertising label: Nerdy Engineers Are Us or The Silos of Tomorrow.

When I graduated to a Personal Digital Assistant (PDA) complete with stylus, I thought that was a major upgrade. It was a mobile handheld device on which I took notes using a stylus. It was a little on the big side for my shirt pocket, so it displaced the paper notebook and the pocket protector.

You can see the PDA in action by watching the Men in Black II movie in which a couple of junior level men in black are using them to take notes. This is the scene at Ben’s Pizza Parlor in which Frank the talking pug says the deflated body of Ben has “zero percent body fat” and the two men in black laugh at the joke.

Also on the nerdy side, I used to wear bow ties. They were kind of fun to tie. I had many. One of them was plaid, which I realize raises the nerd level up a notch. My nerd fashion attire also included (you might want to sit down for this)—clip on suspenders. I later graduated to the suspenders you button on the inside of your pants beltline.

I think you can still release your inner nerd by getting a pocket protector. And remember, you didn’t hear it from me.