extraterrestrials – Go Retire Psychiatrist

Groundhog Day Finally Explained

Well, by now everybody has heard the official news about what Punxsutawney Phil saw this morning since it’s Groundhog Day. On the other hand, the unofficial news is this: for some reason he saw extraterrestrials instead of his shadow. I know about it only because a drunken official calling me from the Pentagon spilled the beans to me and abruptly hung up just before he passed out.

Apparently, they were looking for a decent rib joint, which they’re always on the lookout for after traveling halfway across the galaxy.

You have to question the ETs preference for using so much fuel and creating missing time and hallucinations for thousands of people gathered for this time-honored and totally bogus event which the editors of The Old Farmer’s Almanac repeatedly try to debunk in a futile attempt to educate us about the seasons.

What almost nobody knows is that recently declassified government documents obtained by Brer Rabbit has led to the discovery of yet another conspiracy to hoodwink the American people about the ETs preoccupation with finding the best BBQ rib joint in the galaxy, which is genetically linked to their inability to distinguish humans from woodland creatures whose only real purpose in life is to dig holes in the ground so they can secretly write books circulated only amongst groundhogs about how silly it is for humans to call them ridiculous names like “whistle pigs.”

The truth is groundhogs know perfectly well how the seasons change and it has nothing to do with them—it’s all about the tooth fairy. But…ETs can’t handle the truth, as Col. Jessup has repeatedly pointed out in countless memes and gifs over the years.

We can only hope this deplorable state of affairs will be rectified when scientists eventually back engineer and reverse the polarities of the device (which is, trust me, stored in a cardboard box in a garage in Area 51) ETs use to hypnotize the criminals amongst their own kind into endlessly flying around in their souped up Tic-Tac UFOs in the absolutely pointless search for the perfect rib joint—all because the ET leaders can’t come up with a better solution to close the gaps in their worthless criminal justice system.

I hope I have made all this clear. Happy Groundhog Day!

The Extraterrestrial and Mutilated Soybean Hybridization Program in Iowa

After watching a number of TV shows about extraterrestrials (ETs), I had this vivid dream about ETs invading Iowa.

Apparently, I had somehow driven out on some highway that was not clearly marked, maybe Highway 20 which the National Weather Service always mentions as a sort of boundary line between a howling, disastrous tornadimohurricannibalistic storm and utter tranquility a few miles north of us.

I got out of the car and noticed up in the sky a gigantimonguous craft shaped like a triquetra. It was eerily silent as it passed just inches above my head and it glowed multiple colors like the NBC peacock.

Suddenly, 3 beings who resembled the 3 stooges (except their heads were tiny) floated out of the craft and took me hostage. They kept arguing amongst themselves about how they were going to exsanguinate me and then fuse me with a soybean plant they had previously mutilated. Apparently, they had tipped a few cows in the process and slipped in the pasture, falling into an area full of cow pies.

I told them they smelled bad and suggested they try Mando, the deodorant that is nothing like the scented stuff which, if you apply it, is exactly like turning up your car radio when the engine rattles—hey, it just masks the problem.

I guess that hurt their feelings and they told me they were going to stick some kind of implant in my nose so they could track me because they could hear my nose whistle and find me anywhere. I told them I’m allergic to ET implants and I would just sneeze it out. I had them there.

Then they tried to communicate with me telepathically but I knew how to counter that trick. I just thought really hard about good barbecued ribs, which made them hungry. They asked me where they could find a decent rib joint and I told them how to get to Jimmy Jack’s Rib Shack in Iowa City.

So we head on over there and I help them order. They weren’t sure what to drink, so I suggested water because I saw this trick in the movie, Signs. It didn’t work as I expected and they just acted like they were drunk.

Then, of all things, they wanted to go to Area 51, and we just zipped over there. On the way, they picked up Bob Lazar who drew pictures of them. He asked me why they had barbecue sauce all over their faces and I just told him they had bad manners.

Finally, I woke up and I swear I’m going to limit how much kale I eat next time.

Protecting the Universe from the Scum of the Earth

The title of this post might sound familiar to those who have seen the movie Men in Black way too many times, like me. There’s a trailer poster from the 1997 MIB movie showing Agents J and K holding huge space guns and the title is “Protecting the Earth from the Scum of the Universe.”

There are reasons to invert the title; all you have to do is read the news headlines. And one of them is on a story posted in the Guardian entitled ‘Bored aliens’: has intelligent life stopped bothering trying to contact Earth?

Whoa! When exactly did they start?

In a nutshell, the author is citing an astrophysicist’s notion that we should consider embracing a novel idea called “radical mundanity” which in this context says that maybe extraterrestrials are not much smarter than earthlings. That could be one explanation why nobody has seen what the majority of humans would call clear and convincing evidence that advanced civilizations exist out in the galaxy.

I guess “clear and convincing evidence” means ETs should be walking up to us and asking for directions to the nearest good rib joint.

I guess terms like “radical mundanity” and “radical empathy” are in vogue because radical rationalization is an old earthling habit that fathered both.

In fact, common sense suggests that something like radical practicality might explain one pretty funny quote from MIB. It’s the one in which Agent K is demonstrating the universal translator to the soon to be Agent J and confides that earthlings are not supposed to have it, and then goes on to explain why:

“Human thought is so primitive it’s looked upon as an infectious disease in some of the better galaxies. That kind of makes you proud, doesn’t it?”

Interesting why Agent K says that the low opinion some ETs have of humans is something to be proud of. Maybe that because of radical admiration, which is what we often have for slick villains clever enough to steal something like the universal translator—since radical criminality is so rampant everywhere on earth.

That would pretty much be the end of this line of thought (if I had any sense). But if you reason that most ETs would be leery of earthlings, why would so many of them travel to this planet? Part of the answer (of course) is in MIB. It’s Agent K’s explanation for why so many of them do.

Agent K: “Back in the mid-1950s the government started a little, underfunded agency with the simple and laughable purpose of establishing contact with a race not of this planet… They were a group of intergalactic refugees wanting to use the earth as an apolitical zone for…creatures without a planet. Did you ever see the movie Casablanca?”

“Today there are approximately 1500 aliens living and working Manhattan and most of them are decent enough; they’re just trying to make a living.”

OK, that’s only part of the story, maybe mostly the radical empathy part. Getting back to radical mundanity, which is how we got started on this crooked tale, where does this put earthlings and ETs? Maybe we’re headed toward realizing that every bright dot in the sky is not evidence for visitors from somewhere out in the galaxy or beyond. Maybe trying to get to Mars is not such a hot idea. Maybe we can try to get along with each other on earth without waiting for ETs to stop us from slaughtering each other. I don’t know as much about this approach as I should, but I think it’s called radical acceptance.

Svengoolie Movie: It Came from Outer Space

I watched the Svengoolie movie, “It Came from Outer Space” last night. I’m sure I’ll recover someday. Until then, I’ll have to do my best to write about it. Ray Bradbury actually wrote what’s called the film treatment for the story and Harry Essex wrote the screenplay. I gather there’s a difference between the two, but don’t ask me what it is. So, it’s helpful to know that real movie reviewers also noticed what I noticed, which is that the dialogue has a distinctive literary quality. I’m a Ray Bradbury fan from way back in my youth when they were still using stone tablets to write on. But even I noticed the tone and language were more elevated than what I usually see on the Svengoolie TV show.

Kudos to the movie reviewer who mentioned the literary quality of the dialogue, which in my opinion also are reminiscent of Ray Bradbury:

Scheib, Richard. (2002, July 28). It Came from Outer Space (1953). Accessed April 20, 2025. Moriareviews. https://www.moriareviews.com/sciencefiction/it-came-from-outer-space-1953.htm

Interestingly, this blogger’s review says that Bradbury was unhappy with the result of the production.

The other blogger/reviewer had similar remarks, but it was his About post comments which caught my interest, in which his remarks about Svengoolie’s schlocky films on the show are right on target. On the other hand, he likes this movie. He also mentions that Bradbury got fired after getting paid $2,000 for writing the treatment. I’m not clear on why he was fired:

Steve aka Falcon. (Spielberg can’t get enough … It Came from Outer Space (1953). Accessed April 20, 2025. Falcon at the Movies, https://falconmovies.wordpress.com/2014/05/04/spielberg-cant-get-enough-it-came-from-outer-space-1953/

Anyway, I agree with both reviewers that “It Came from Outer Space” is different from most space invaders films in that the extraterrestrials didn’t actually invade Earth. In fact, they had a malfunction in their spacecraft and accidentally crashed here. They were actually headed for somewhere else, possibly Milliways, the restaurant at the end of the universe (“The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe” by Douglas Adams). They took the form of earthlings so they could get around without being noticed.

That doesn’t actually work because, although they looked like us, they talked in a monotone and had blank, unblinking stares. And they crashed here, indicating the same kind of inability to drive that reminded me of the Roswell incident back in 1947 (only a few years before this movie was released) in which a UFO crashed in New Mexico.

The one thing that struck me was that, in the movie, the extraterrestrials not only couldn’t drive their spacecraft, their main goal after crashing was to fix their busted vehicle. Apparently, in their human disguises they had to go to Lowe’s Hardware to buy replacement electrical parts.

So, these extremely advanced creatures who mastered interstellar travel can get electrical parts in a 1950s era hardware store? “Excuse me, can you get me 4,000 gray toggle switches with matching cover plates—and a voltmeter?”

The spaceship carrying the lost creatures looked like a meteor as it crash-landed and again when it took off after it was fixed. Although you can find a Wikpedia article about this movie that, at the very top, links to another which claims that Bradbury published the film treatment as a book, the rest of the article denies that ever happened. I suppose some people are still looking for it, just like those still looking for the Roswell ET bodies.

Rife vs Ripe: Which is Right?

I noticed a couple of things about one of the President’s many new Executive Orders, which was “ESTABLISHING THE PRESIDENT’S MAKE AMERICA HEALTHY AGAIN COMMISSION,” or MAHA for short. It was posted on February 13, 2025. One thing it reminded me of is the tax filing season, which is upon us (everything reminds me of the tax filing season around this time of year). The other thing was a short article about the IRS, which is cutting staff sharply in response, probably as a response to the federal government workforce layoffs generally. One sentence in the article read:

“The IRS layoffs, first reported by the New York Times, come as part of a broader effort by President Donald Trump and Elon Musk’s overhaul of the federal government, which they argue is too bloated and inefficient, and ripe with waste and fraud.”

I put the word “ripe” in bold-face type because I sensed that the writer probably meant “rife” instead. I looked up the definitions of both just to make sure: Rife means abundant and ripe means mature (possibly overly mature as in smelly and ready for the garbage can).

I wonder if “rife” or “ripe” could apply to MAHA. I’m all for making us healthy. I agree with promoting health. I’m not sure what is meant by “assess the prevalence of and threat posed by the prescription of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, stimulants, and weight-loss drugs.” It sounds like a shot across the bow for psychiatrists and primary care physicians.

Some of the content may be either “rife” (or is it “ripe”?) with potentially misleading innuendo, implying that health care professionals are not doing all we can already to promote health. I agree with promoting research into the “root causes” for mental illness. However, some people need psychiatric medications for “just managing disease.” Reducing the suffering of those who are tortured by depression and delusions and hallucinations makes sense because that’s the humane thing to do.

This reminds me of a very interesting article about what some scientists think about how life began on this planet and how it might start elsewhere in the universe. Some think life evolves mainly by chance, by a cosmic accident. Others think it’s inevitable and occurs when planetary conditions are right. So that might mean there’s a good chance there are extraterrestrials are out there. If they are, what would they think of us?

And this reminds me of a quote from the movie, Men in Black. Agent K is showing Edwards a universal translator, one of the many wonders in the extraterrestrial technology room, which gives us a perspective on how humans rank in the universe:

Agent K: We’re not even supposed to have it. I’ll tell you why. Human thought is so primitive it’s looked upon as an infectious disease in some of the better galaxies.

So is the universe “rife” with life—or is it “ripe”?

The Hotel Gets Busy Handing Out Faux Cufflinks!

Several days ago, a large wedding guest caravan arrived at the hotel. Fascinating group. The line of people checking in could have stretched outside beyond the front door.

There was this guy who was there for the wedding, but arrived without cufflinks. So, he asked the front desk to help him out. They gave him what might have fooled some people some of the time—big safety pins. They didn’t work out. A couple of women guests also got safety pins, for what I couldn’t guess.

He left and came back later with a Dillard’s shopping bag. He got some smart looking brand new cufflinks! I think the last time I wore cufflinks was in the 1970s in Austin, Texas. They came with a suit that the husband of my English Literature professor, Dr. Jenny Lind Porter, bought for me. They didn’t resemble safety pins.

The hotel staff were pretty busy because the place got hit by the CrowdStrike Outage. The inconveniences included a little more work with programming room keys. One guy asked for a room on the second floor, but it was booked up with extraterrestrials. I doubt they were with the wedding group. And they couldn’t fix the outage-so much for the advancements of those from other galaxies. They probably don’t even know what cufflinks are.

There was a couple of guys (also not with the wedding crowd) who were in town for a disc (what we would call frisbee) golf tournament. It was near the Clear Creek Trail. They were solid in the standings so far.

I don’t think first prize was a pair of cufflinks.

Closing the Loop on All Domain Anomaly Resolution Office Search for Extraterrestrials?

Just in case you haven’t already heard, the All-domain Anomaly Resolution Office (AARO) revealed the lack of evidence proving the existence of extraterrestrials from the reports about what we used to call UFOs.

And NASA has said basically the same thing.

So, is there anything left to say about this? Probably not from the official side of the issue. But I don’t think this will be the end of reports of UFOs from the public.

Fake Snakes Saga Slithers On

The fake snake saga continues with not much change in scaring off birds, evidently. Bird poop calling cards are still being left.

I repositioned them and we’re hoping for the best.

This reminds me that the other night I was awakened by what I was pretty sure was an owl and dogs raising a ruckus at each other. I thought there was either one or two dogs trying to imitate the owl.

I don’t think it was the other way around. There is an owl that barks like a dog, but I believe it’s found only in Australia. I think it barks because it can’t stop eating vegemite, which makes it think it’s a dog.

Snakes don’t make noises generally, other than hissing sounds unless they’ve been abducted by extraterrestrials. The ETs conduct genetic experiments on them and that’s how they came up with the reptilians—who bark like owls.

New Aromatherapy Diffusers!

Sena got some new aromatherapy diffusers made by Studio 66. They have a magical glow. One has a design of cardinals on it and it is titled Winter Ice (or Mistletoe, depending on what side of the box you read). The box says it smells like sweet orange, warm cinnamon, juniper berries and eucalpytus. The other has a design of deer in the trees, called Enchantment or Cozy Cashmere. According to the box, it has notes of jasmine, sandalwood, and vanilla with a hint of sweet musk.

They were obviously designed and named by extraterrestrials, but they look nice. So far, I can’t smell them-which could mean the nasal implant the ETs jammed up my nose is dysfunctional.

The Geezer Remarks on Superfoods

Sena is big on eating healthy, which is a good thing. On the other hand, we don’t necessarily always like the same foods. And there’s the whole issue of what people call superfoods nowadays.

Funny, when I was a kid, I used to just refer to superfoods as “yuck!” There are variant spellings.

I read the Wikipedia entry on superfoods and it essentially says there is officially no such thing.

Take beets—please!

Sena’s big on Beets and Leeks. I’m not a big fan. I’ll eat them, of course. There’s nothing wrong with them that intravenous ipecac and a stomach transplant won’t fix. The drawback is the medical bill.

I don’t think we’ve ever had kale. Does that make the superfood list? I think it’s the same thing as mustard greens, okra, and other building materials similar to shingles.

I tried okra when I was a student at Huston-Tillotson University (then Huston-Tillotson College). I was offered this slightly slimy substance as part of a dinner at the home of my Religion and Philosophy professor and his family. It’s slimy because it contains mucilage, which is (correct me if I’m wrong but I’ll naturally ignore you) also the name of the glue we used in grade school to make valentine cards.

In fact, think of any food you dislike as intensely as any medication or tonic you had to take when you were a kid. That would be classified as a superfood. I had to take a tablespoon of mineral oil a day, which is a substance very much like mucilage.

I found out that millet is marketed as a superfood. That’s funny, because it’s also used as a filling for juggling balls. When you work up an appetite juggling, you can just bust open one of the balls and snack on a handful of bird seed, which is what millet really is.

Actually, superfoods come in handy in case you’re abducted by extraterrestrials. Whenever they look like they’re getting ready to jam some kind of implant up your nose, offer them a juggling ball. Just tell them to keep chewing through the leather shell until they get to that tasty millet center. This will give you time to write down the driving directions to the nearest barbecue joint for them (Jimmy Jack’s Rib Shack in Iowa City for example).

Anytime you need any more expert advice on superfoods, just let me know. I’m not available.