beard kit – Go Retire Psychiatrist

OK, Sena washed my beard with beard wash the other day and then I hopped in the shower, rinsed off the suds and applied the beard conditioner.

Then I got to thinking about what I’d been doing about washing my face (and necessarily my beard) with a moisturizing soap every day. This was before Sena got a beard care kit for me, and I did the same thing for months prior to that. I used a body and face soap on my face, and my face was covered with hair from my beard.

You can make the argument that you shouldn’t use regular hair shampoos on your beard because it’ll strip away all the oils you need. And you can say that you shouldn’t use beard wash to wash your face. But on the “face” of it, doesn’t that sound silly?

I got on the web and tried to ask it as a question. How can you wash your face without washing your beard? The search yields the message “This site cannot be reached.” I didn’t bother to ask an Artificial Intelligence (AI) nerd about it. I’m sure AI would either give a nonsense answer or blow a fuse.

I was not surprised. There are dozens of face wash products out there for men who have beards. Then the advice is to not use face soap on your beard. And you’re not supposed to use beard wash on your face.

Am I missing something here? I suspect I’m just encountering the usual marketing strategies for selling me something I probably don’t really need.

I found one video with a guy who has a magnificent mustache and beard in which he’s supposed to tell you what he does about cleaning his face. It’s not a YouTube video. I couldn’t get past his simple comment in the first segment of the video in which he says he washes his face once a day. That took a few seconds. Then the video just quit working.

Apparently, what I have to do is simple. I just remove my beard every day before washing my face with a facial soap. Then I put my beard in the bathroom sink and scrub it with beard wash. But I shouldn’t do that more than 2-3 times a week. Next, I reattach my freshly washed beard to my clean face.

So, when do apply my beard oil? I read that it should be applied once, and preferably, twice a day. Sorry, I don’t want beard oil or beard balm on my pillow case, thank you. On the other hand, I noticed that you can buy beard masks. One web site advertises that it’s for protecting your well-groomed beard. The price is $20.

Getting back to the question of how to wash your face without washing your beard and vice versa, I’m pretty sure this is an experiment by extraterrestrials to see if humans are smart enough yet to meet with them so we can teach them how to drive their flying saucers without forever crashing them all over our planet.

When I figure out how to wash my face without washing my beard, I’ll let you know—after I’ve patented the method and I’m ready to market a product I’d be happy to sell you for the low, low price of just $20, on a monthly subscription plan.

I tried the new beard kit stuff yesterday. I washed my beard with the beard wash and conditioner. Then I applied a little beard oil and beard balm. I combed it and brushed up with the boar bristle brush. Try saying “boar bristle brush” three times really fast right now!

I trimmed the flyaways with the very sharp scissors and—oops. I accidentally nipped my left earlobe off. It ricocheted off the mirror and splashed into the toilet. This was not a problem and from my internet research, I knew exactly what to do.

I quickly got a soup ladle and fished my earlobe out of the toilet bowl. Wrapping it in a wet washcloth, I then tossed it into a little watertight bag. Immediately, I put that into a sandwich bag with ice to preserve my earlobe. It would not have been a good idea to put it directly on ice. That would have worsened the damage. I knew better than to put it in milk, especially skim milk! That stuff doesn’t even taste like milk.

The emergency room doctor at first didn’t believe I accidentally snipped off my earlobe. He wanted to get a psychiatric consultation, but I assured him that I’m a retired consultation-liaison psychiatrist and I’m OK. I may have a screw loose but I would never cut off any of my own body parts. He reattached my earlobe and I’m as good as new.

I guess that means I’m officially anointed from a beard kit standpoint.

Sena says I glow now. Judge for yourself from the unretouched before and after photos.