Essay “Forget Me Not” on the Web About Leaving a Legacy

Sena found a great essay on leaving a legacy. It’s titled “Forget Me Not” written by Jonathan Clements and posted on the website HumbleDollar on February 17, 2024. I think it’s worth sharing.

The comments are still coming in. One commenter (Newsboy) wrote the one below:

“The late great author, Steven (sic) Covey, once suggested: “To live. To love. To learn. To leave a legacy – That’s what we all want.” 

How appropriate it seems that a willingness to embrace the first three items on his list (live / love / learn) typically results in the “dearly departed” achieving some meaningful degree of the last one (leave a legacy).”

This reminded me that I shared Stephen Covey’s concepts with junior residents when I was the chief resident in psychiatry. He wrote many books, including The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

I took the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Signature Program many years ago. All of us who attended got the course book and the Talking Stick. Back then Covey called it the Indian Talking Stick; I guess nowadays you’d call it the Indigenous People Talking Stick. The idea was to pass the stick around and you’d have to respect the person holding it and listen carefully while they have their say until they feel understood. Only then could the stick be passed on to someone else, once again to allow them to say their piece until they are understood. There could be no interruptions.

I wonder if the Talking Stick really works. I’ve never tried it. I guess that’s the problem.

I think Covey left a legacy. I doubt that was his main goal.

Black History Month: In Honor of James Alan McPherson

I thought it would be nice to mention James Alan McPherson, Pulitzer Prize winning author and longtime Iowa Writers’ Workshop faculty member, in keeping with the theme of this month’s Black History Month: African Americans and the Arts. A neighborhood park was named in his honor (James Alan McPherson Park) in 2021. There has been a plan to erect a memorial plaque in his honor, which I believe is still in process.

There is a very nice summary of his accomplishments as a writer on the Black Past website.

“Our Hidden Conversations” is a Very Tough Book to Read

As I approach the end of the book “Our Hidden Conversations” by Michele Norris, I find myself doing what I often do when I feel uncomfortable emotionally. I start to deploy my sense of humor.

As a psychiatrist (now retired since 2020), I learned early in my residency training that humor can be thought of as a “mature” psychological defense.

Given the painful memories that the book evokes, I find that I self-edit my usual habit of turning pain into comedy. Maybe it’s not always mature.

On the other hand, there are times when facing what is nowadays called my “lived experience” about racism and identity in the era my wife and I grew up in, while not funny, can be peeked at most safely from the funny edge.

So, with that in mind I took a look at the web page of the National Association of Black Social Workers (NABSW) which summarizes the organization’s position on white adoption of black children. I first read about it in Ms. Norris’s book, in the chapter “Black babies cost less to adopt.”

I was surprised to see the actual document, which has been posted since 2013. Sections of the position paper titled “Transracial Adoption Statement (c) 1972” are underlined. It expresses clearly an opposition to placing black and transracial adoptees with white parents. I might have missed it, but I don’t see another position statement that modifies it.

There are 30 state chapters of the NABSW. Iowa is not listed.

There is no National Association for White Social Workers. There is a website for the National Association of Social Workers (NASW). When I typed in “National Association of Black Social Workers” in the search field on the NASW website, almost 800 results were returned. When I applied the filter for ethnicity and race, there were 5 results attesting to the NASW efforts in countering racism. I didn’t see any mention of the NABSW. Maybe I just missed it.

I lived for a brief time in an African American foster home eons ago. I can’t think of anything funny to write about it. Has there ever been an opportunity for cross talk between the NASW and the NABSW? I’m not judging anyone here. I’m just asking.

Moving right along, I have again searched the web using the term “African American psychiatrists in Iowa.” I’ve posted about this before, looking at it from the funny edge (this allows me to take a deep breath). I still find my former colleague, Dr. Donald Black, MD listed. The only thing black about him is his name. And my 2019 blog post is the 3rd link down from the top, preceded by two from Psychology Today.

Most of the mental health care providers from the Psychology Today lists are Nurse Practitioners who are black. One of them does not look black. She looks white. She’s a psychiatrist. I’ve worked with her in the past and don’t recall her ever identifying as black. But because I’m reading the race card stories in “Our Hidden Conversations,” and because I’ve been around a little while, I’ve learned that some black people can look white. You can’t always judge a book by its cover.

A good black psychiatrist is hard to find. In fact, a black psychiatrist of any quality is hard to find. However, in general, there are notable black psychiatrists in our history. One of them was Chester Middlebrook Pierce, MD. Among his many accomplishments, he was the founding president of the Black Psychiatrists of America in 1969, which was one year after the NABSW was established. Dr. Pierce was also the president of the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology in 1978. I didn’t learn about him until today. How is that possible?

There is a website for the Black Psychiatrists of America and you can try the search field to look for a black psychiatrist there. I couldn’t find any listed in Iowa. Most of them seem to be in Texas. I had a little trouble applying the search filters.

Those are my thoughts for now about “Our Hidden Conversations” by Michele Norris. This is not a funny book.

CDC May Change the 5 Day Covid-19 Isolation Guidelines

I see many news headlines reporting that the CDC may be planning to drop the 5 day Covid-19 isolation guidelines. For now I’m taking that as a rumor until the CDC website says something official about it.

Word on the street is that we may know more in April.

More Thoughts On “Our Hidden Conversations” Book by Michele Norris

I need to correct something I got wrong in my first post about Michele Norris’s Distinguished Lecture on January 23rd. While reading her book, “Our Hidden Conversations” I ran across this race card in the chapter “Black Babies Cost Less to Adopt:”

“Vote (for) Obama! He looks like me!”

That was the 8-year-old daughter said that. The person who sent in the card was her father, Dr. Val Sheffield and he was a medical student in Iowa at the time. Once you know that, you realize why he wondered whether he should have been “…happy or dismayed by this comment.”

Anyway, I’m a little over halfway through the book, “Our Hidden Conversations.”

The title of the chapter above, “Black Babies Cost Less to Adopt” is troubling and it has a lot to say about how it was common in the past to discount the cost of adopting black babies. Foster care of non-white kids was also a subject in the chapter. Identity conflicts are common and can lead to reminiscing about things like:

“I was not Black enough.”

“I was not Asian enough.”

“I was not Hispanic enough.”

What matters is being kind enough.

Bootless II: Dr. Russell Ledet’s Story

Recall that I had been checking to see if the Distinguished Education Lecture given by Dr. Russell Ledet, MD, PhD on January 17, 2024 during the MLK Celebration of Human Rights would be available for the general public. While somebody may be working on that, I managed to find Dr. Ledet’s YouTube, entitled “Bootless II.” I think it’s a great distillation of his major theme.

Preliminary Thoughts on “Our Hidden Conversations” Book

This is a short post about my initial impressions about the book, “Our Hidden Conversation” by Michele Norris.

I’m not finished with the book yet, but I thought I would let you know that the first chapter, “Bread Crumbs” was tough to read. I had to put it down and come back to it a few times because it brought back memories.

The chapter title “Bread Crumbs” means the clues that parents, grandparents, etc. might leave for subsequent generations to find which might shed light on one’s background, explain troubling circumstances, and so on.

I have some bread crumbs left to me by my family. Some are in the form of photos, although there is no family photo of all of us together.

I remember the hair combing routine my mom had with me and my brother every Sunday morning before church when we were kids. Our father was black and my mother was white. Dad was out of the home and we lived with mom. We were the only black kids in the church. In fact, all the members were white.

Mom used a prodigious amount of hair oil while vigorously combing our curly hair back. It took many strokes and the pulling pinched a bit. The ritual took a little while. When I look back on it, I guess the goal was to straighten our hair as much as possible.

Everyone in the church always treated us kindly and I was baptized there.

If you decide to read “Our Hidden Conversations,” give yourself a break whenever you feel like you need it.

Sweethearts on a February Stroll

Yesterday, we went out for a walk because it was a pretty nice day for February. All the snow was pretty much gone. We saw a hawk who also saw us. We approached the tree it was perched in very slowly. It tolerated our attention until we got too close for comfort—and flapped off in a huff.

It was a nice enough day to walk all the way out to the Sitting Man and beyond. Others were out taking in the sun as well. It’s good to do simple things; things like walking in the sun, drinking iced coffee, eating zucchini bread, waving at UFOs.

You know how it is.

The Big Tomato On The Vegetable Hamburger, Please!

Sena bought a pretty big tomato at the grocery store the other day. When she picked it up, she said to a store employee that she was going to make a huge “vegetable hamburger” with it.

Evidently, the guy didn’t know what to make of the name “vegetable hamburger” because he asked her why she wasn’t going to use any meat.

This was the same situation when she tried to order a “vegetable hamburger” at Wendy’s over a year and a half ago. Nowadays everybody seems to think that means “meatless.”

I checked the internet again and I still can’t find a definition of a “vegetable hamburger” that corresponds to what Sena and I grew up with. Everybody seems to think that lettuce, tomato, etc. are no longer parts of a vegetable hamburger.

I think we need to bring this concept back-because I doubt Sena is going to change what she calls it.

All in favor say, “Vegetable hamburger, please!”

“Our Hidden Conversations” Book by Michele Norris Arrived

I just started reading Michele Norris’s book, “Our Hidden Conversations.” It’s based on her Race Card Project, which has been going on for 14 years and counting. It’s about more than racism between black and white people. I’ll let you know what I think about the book from time to time.