winter – Go Retire Psychiatrist

Groundhog Day Finally Explained

Well, by now everybody has heard the official news about what Punxsutawney Phil saw this morning since it’s Groundhog Day. On the other hand, the unofficial news is this: for some reason he saw extraterrestrials instead of his shadow. I know about it only because a drunken official calling me from the Pentagon spilled the beans to me and abruptly hung up just before he passed out.

Apparently, they were looking for a decent rib joint, which they’re always on the lookout for after traveling halfway across the galaxy.

You have to question the ETs preference for using so much fuel and creating missing time and hallucinations for thousands of people gathered for this time-honored and totally bogus event which the editors of The Old Farmer’s Almanac repeatedly try to debunk in a futile attempt to educate us about the seasons.

What almost nobody knows is that recently declassified government documents obtained by Brer Rabbit has led to the discovery of yet another conspiracy to hoodwink the American people about the ETs preoccupation with finding the best BBQ rib joint in the galaxy, which is genetically linked to their inability to distinguish humans from woodland creatures whose only real purpose in life is to dig holes in the ground so they can secretly write books circulated only amongst groundhogs about how silly it is for humans to call them ridiculous names like “whistle pigs.”

The truth is groundhogs know perfectly well how the seasons change and it has nothing to do with them—it’s all about the tooth fairy. But…ETs can’t handle the truth, as Col. Jessup has repeatedly pointed out in countless memes and gifs over the years.

We can only hope this deplorable state of affairs will be rectified when scientists eventually back engineer and reverse the polarities of the device (which is, trust me, stored in a cardboard box in a garage in Area 51) ETs use to hypnotize the criminals amongst their own kind into endlessly flying around in their souped up Tic-Tac UFOs in the absolutely pointless search for the perfect rib joint—all because the ET leaders can’t come up with a better solution to close the gaps in their worthless criminal justice system.

I hope I have made all this clear. Happy Groundhog Day!

A Squall’s a’Comin’!

There’s a 30 percent chance of snow squalls this afternoon.

Ain’t a fit day out for man nor beast!

Snow Squalls Predicted in Iowa Today!

The National Weather Service predicts “snow squalls” for parts of eastern Iowa today in the afternoon.

I’m only using this GIF because I couldn’t find one for the State Farm commercial captain “A squall’s a’comin’!

Sena recognized the guy in the GIF above as W.C. Fields and wondered if there were any other videos of this scene with audio as well. They aren’t hard to find.

Moon Halo This Morning?

I was picking up our mail at the mailbox pod this morning around 5:45 a.m. and noticed what looked like a faint circle of color around the nearly full moon in the western sky. There were streaky white clouds. Not far from it and to the left was something that looked like a big star-which I guessed was Venus. It didn’t twinkle like stars do.

I’ve never seen anything like it before. It reminded me of a rainbow and I thought I’d heard something about moonbows (probably on the Weather Channel). By the time Sena got up and I told her about it, she suggested I get a video. By that time, it was pretty much gone, though.

According to one article, this might have been a moon halo, which differs from a moonbow. Moon halos can form from ice crystals. It was about 25 degrees outside.

So, according to some cultures, moon halos might herald bad weather, maybe in a couple of days. On the other hand, it’s going to be pretty quiet around here for next several days.

Sena Double Dog Dared Me to Try the Electric Snow Shovel!

Well, the snow kept coming down. I had to go back out to shovel. I was going to use my plow shovel, but Sena said I was too chicken to try the electric snow shovel.

I couldn’t back down.

So, I had to go out there, after the wind had changed mind you, and use the battery powered shovel. I got snow all over me because no matter what I did to adjust the snow deflectors, the snow just blew back in my face.

I could have been a contender.

Sena Gives the Electric Snow Blower the Real Test!

We got a real snowfall starting last night and into this morning. Sena took the Voltask battery-powered 48V 16-inch snow shovel out and put it through its paces.

We got about 6 inches of snow and it chewed right through it. It threw the snow into the next county! It took her about 30 minutes to make my job a lot easier with the shovel.

Testing the New Snow Removal Tools!

We finally got enough snow to test the new shovels today. Recall we have a cordless electric snow shovel and a snow pusher plow shovel with a 36-inch blade. The battery-powered model is a 48V 16-inch Voltask.

I was a little surprised to learn how powerful the electric shovel is. It comes with two batteries. It has a safety button which you have to press at the same time you pull the trigger. It comes with lights so if you ever want to clear snow after dark, you could do that. Of course, there’s no heavy lifting and it’s easy to push. It can throw snow a long way and you can also direct it left or right. It’s like a vacuum in reverse.

Sena selected the Voltask and save a lot of money. There were other models that were priced in the 400–500-dollar range which didn’t have the features the Voltask has.

The snow plow of course, is a simple tool—just the way I like them. The narrow 36-inch blade makes snow clearing quick and there is also no heavy lifting. Spraying a little snow and ice repellent on the blade cuts down on buildup as you work.

I still prefer a shovel.

Don’t Shovel Your Heart Out

We’re waiting for the next snowfall. We’ve had a couple of light ones so far and we used shovels to clear our driveway and sidewalk. They didn’t amount to much, but we’ll get a heavy snow here pretty soon.

We’ve been using shovels for years. I’m aware of the risks for heart attacks in certain people, especially sedentary middle age and older men with pre-existing cardiac risk factors. I’m not keen on snowblowers, mostly because I like to shovel.

I’ve been using an ergonomic shovel for years, although the wrong way until about 4 years ago. I used to throw snow over my shoulder while twisting my back. Now I push snow with a shovel that has a smaller bucket or with a snow pusher with a shallow, narrow blade. I lift by keeping my back straight and bending at the knees, flipping the small load out. I take my time.

I don’t know how high my heart rate gets while I shovel. I exercise 3-4 days a week. I warm up by juggling. I do floor yoga with bending and stretching, bodyweight squats, one leg sit to stand, use the step platform, dumbbells and planks. When I’m on the exercise bike, I keep my heart rate around 140 bpm, and below the maximum rate for my age, which is 150 bpm.

I’m aware of the recommendations to avoid shoveling snow based on the relevant studies. I realize I’m way past the age when experts recommend giving the snow shovel to someone else.

The question is who would that be? There aren’t any kids in the neighborhood offering to clear snow. Maybe they’re too busy dumb scrolling. I’m also aware of the city ordinance on clearing your driveway after a big snow. They’re very clear, at least in Whereon, Iowa.

“The city of Whereon requires every homeowner to clear snow from sidewalks within 24 hours after a snowfall. This means you. If you fail in your civic duty to clear snow and ice from your walkway within the allotted time of 10 minutes, the city will lawfully slap you with a fine of $3,000,000 and throw your dusty butt in jail for an indeterminant time that likely will extend beyond the winter season and could be for the rest of your natural life and even beyond, your corpse rotting in your cell, which will not bother the guards one iota because of the new state law mandating removal of their olfactory organs. Hahahahaha!!”

In light of the strict laws, Sena ordered a couple of new snow removal tools. Neither one of them is a snow blower. I think it’s fair to point out that some cardiologists have reservations even about snowblowers:

There are even studies that show an increased risk for heart attacks among people using automatic snow blowers. Similar to the extra exertion of pushing shovel, pushing a snow blower can raise heart rate and blood pressure quickly–from “Snow Shoveling can be hazardous to your health” article above.

One of them is a simple snow pusher with a 36-inch narrow blade. That’s for me. The other is a cordless, battery powered snow shovel that looks like a toy for Sena. The ad for that tool includes a short video of an attractive woman wearing skinny jeans and her stylish coat open revealing her svelte figure while demonstrating how the electric shovel works. It appears to remove bread slice sized pieces of snow from the top of a layer which stubbornly sticks to the pavement. Call the Whereon snow police.

We should be getting both tools before the next big snow.

The Flowers Are Doing Well

The Christmas Amaryllis/Hippeastrum flowers are doing well.

I’m getting older and often I wake up early in the morning feeling anxious and a little blue. I look at the news headlines about people who die and often they’re my age or even younger. Maybe the Christmas holiday does that.

When I get this feeling of dread, I try to think of what I can be grateful for. It’s hard to think of big dramatic experiences. If I sit still long enough, it’s the little acts of kindness that drop down like snowflakes, slowly.

The grade school teacher who took the time to figure out I needed eyeglasses because I couldn’t see the blackboard.

The preacher who sat up all night in a chair with my sick mother when my brother and I were little kids and didn’t know how to help her.

The company that hired me for my first real job when I was a teenager. If they hadn’t done that, I might have become homeless.

The guy who took me to an autumn outdoor art show where he was exhibiting his paintings on a brisk autumn day. Man, it was cold.

The guy who took me to a Minnesota Twins baseball game in the summer. Man, it was hot.

I remember a couple of best friends. We weren’t friends long—but it was long enough.

The friends who supported Sena and me on our wedding day. I still remember it with gratitude 47 years later.

And looking at the flowers helps.