home improvement – Go Retire Psychiatrist

And Then a Light Bulb Went Off

I was sitting in my office last night trying to read a book and noticed that the overhead light on the ceiling fan wasn’t providing enough light. The next morning I flipped the switch and could see through the glass globe cover that one of the bulbs was out. It flickered on about a half hour later and then went out again.

When I got the ladder out and tried to remove the cover, it wouldn’t budge. There weren’t any screws on it, so I looked at a few YouTubes to learn how to remove it. Lot’s of people were using tools and, of course, duct tape. Some methods looked dangerous.

For me, the most helpful hint came from a Wikihow lesson. The first example suggested using those rubber dishwashing gloves. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it right away because I use them to twist off stubborn lids on food jars. It worked on the fan light cover.

Sometimes the simple, old-fashioned tricks for solving problems are the best. In fact, it reminded me of what I’d been reading by the dim light. It was an essay by E.B. White from his book, Essays of E.B. White. The title was “The Winter of the Great Snows,” published by HarperCollins in 1977. Copyright restrictions prevent me from quoting directly, but his point was that tackling challenges with common sense and safety in mind is a good idea.

There are many light bulb moments in life that I’ve missed. I appreciate any help I can get.

Back to the Roller Window Shades?

I just heard about the new regulation banning cords on window shades. I didn’t know that window cords were so dangerous.

We recently moved into our new house and need window coverings. We’ve had corded window coverings (mostly blinds) for years wherever we moved. I guess we’ll have to consider other options.

This reminds me of the old roller shades we used to have. I couldn’t find a free picture of them on pixabay, no matter how I worded the search term. The ones I remember were white and had a mechanism in the roller which retracted the shade—if you had just the right wrist motion.

Many times, the shade ended up in a heap at your feet. You could injure yourself by tripping over the shade, or sometimes by the shade suddenly snapping upwards and smacking you in the face.

There are newer versions of roller shades and they’re all expensive. You can still get old-fashioned roller shades, but I think they cost a lot more.

There’s an old photograph of a room with several roller shades on this web page.

Bathroom Fan Timers are Now Required by Code!

OK, so maybe you already knew that bathroom exhaust fan timers for reducing moisture are required by code.

But we didn’t, which is why we were both a little spooked when the hallway bathroom fan came on all by itself on our first evening in our new house. It has done that a few times, even though we barely use that bathroom. It’s the only bathroom in the house which has a fan timer. I don’t think it’s supposed to come on by itself, so it’s probably haunted.

It’s made by Intermatic and Sena finally flagged down an electrician working in another house under construction on our street who found an instruction manual for our model. He told her it was installed because it’s code.

Imagine if every bathroom in your house had a bathroom fan timer in it. I’m sure some people love the idea. I also realize some people might think it’s crass of me to admit I would love to disable it.

I don’t think I can disable it. The initial setup instructions alone contain 28 steps. Then you get to actually program it, which gets you to 41 steps. If you ever have to edit the programming, you’ll need to develop a serious drinking problem. You have to scan a QR code to get your latitude and longitude. That’s not a joke.

The unit runs partly on batteries. I think the model we have is the ST01 and it takes a single CR2 battery. A newer model takes a different kind of battery and you need two of them. They control the clicking noise and the time and date. You also need strong fingernails or a tiny flat head screw driver to open the battery compartment. See the video below.

If you figure out how to disable it, please comment. Otherwise, I guess you could call the 800 number in the manual to access what might be an automated recorded answering algorithm which ends up recommending mayonnaise or Miracle Whip for your Braunschweiger sandwich.

ADDENDUM 9/10/2024: I pressed the MODE button once and the timer went from AUTO to MAN (manual). We haven’t had it turn on automatically so far after that.

Top of the Line Appliances for Your Pipe Dream Home!

It’s that time of the year again; everybody’s moving whether relocating across the country or just moving across town.

One thing is key: you need quality, top of the line appliances. Say you’re having family and friends over for dinner and you need freezer space for roadkill squirrel. Why, a General Electric fridge with the perfect size little freezer designed to accommodate flattened rodents is just what you need.

But wait; you’ll need a stove to cook them! Look no further than your own Magic Chef. Emeril Lagasse would be proud to own this little gem, which might even have smell-o-vision as he would call it! That is, if you like the smell of smoked salmon (see what I did there?). Just whack your food against the grill to knock off any residual char. Or spray them down with the complimentary Copper Bullet Hose and watch that smoke just disappear!

Better hurry to order. These items are selling so fast there is a strict order of only two to a customer!

Pay no attention to that thing which resembles an antique hash pipe in the oven.

Note on Photos: Courtesy of Slager Appliances in Iowa City, I took these photos of vintage appliances on display in their showroom.

Chair Leg Cups for Floor Protection–Hah!

Okay, Sena ordered some chair leg cups to protect our wood floors. These are for the new Parsons chairs we got recently.

The cups and how to install them over the chair legs are enough to remind some people of condoms for extraterrestrials. These people have no morals and have not developed the maturity needed to listen to Rossini’s William Tell Overture without yelling at the top of their immature lungs, “Hi Yo, Silver!”

Anyway, we struggled with these condoms, I mean these chair leg prophylactics, I mean Hi Yo, Silver!”

Where was I? Oh, the cups came with no instructions. They are made of tough silicone and one end has a soft covering to enable sliding over carpet or wood floors. The manufacturers give you extra cups because they probably know you’re going to cut them up on your table saw when you figure out it will take approximately 5 hours to install one, just one, on any dining room chair without sustaining serious injury to your fingernails or getting one on just enough only to see it snap off and ricochet off your ceiling into the kitchen garbage disposal where you can gleefully grind it up into tiny condom particles.

Sena tells me the reviews are generally positive. Apparently, people writing these reviews either have no problems installing them on their furniture legs or they are pathological liars.

It really takes two persons to get these on a chair leg, one to hold down the chair, which for reasons known only to chairs, try to run away as soon as you try to put chair leg cups on them. While one person has to press down on specific corners of the cup to press them down, the other has to pull down on the sides.

If by some miracle you get all of the cups installed on the chair legs, you then turn the chair right side up, set it on your carpet or wood floor—and immediately notice that it won’t sit level. You then wonder if the problem was that you removed all the chair leg levelers (those little screw things on the bottom of the legs). Maybe you should not have removed them. Then you try putting the leveler back on, which of course means you have to remove the cup you labored to install, and then reinstall it.

After you do that—voila! The chair still sits cockeyed with one leg shorter than all the rest. Isn’t that clever? Actually, they worked out okay after the first couple and we did have to work as a team.

I think your best bet is to buy a house with dirt floors. You’re welcome.

Parsons Chairs Our Latest Knockdown Furniture

Our old Parsons chairs are getting pretty lumpy, so we ordered some new ones. We generally buy and put together knockdown furniture to save money, although squatting on my haunches and sitting on the floor while cranking a hex head wrench makes my joints sore.

Sena was having a little anxiety about the chairs. Ordering knockdown furniture can be a daunting experience, especially because I’m one of the least handy persons on the planet.

I looked up Parsons chairs on the internet. It’s named for the Parsons School of Design in Paris, France. They were first created in the 1930s in reaction against very ornamental designs of that era. They’re plain and simple, often used as dining chairs.

When I was a skinny kid, I used to lift our dining chairs for exercise. We couldn’t afford barbells. I think of Parsons chairs as being pretty light weight, so I don’t know if the chair I used for bench pressing were Parsons—although I was definitely a lightweight.

On the other hand, these chairs are definitely heavier than the ones they’re replacing. The tough part was getting the screws lined up when fixing the seat to the chair back. I had to tip the seat slightly either to me or away from me to get the screws in. When I can screw them down easily with my fingers, I’m usually OK. Occasionally, it takes a quick crank with the wrench to get it going.

When I wasn’t interrupting myself taking pictures of my assembly of the chairs, I put one of the chairs together in about 25 minutes. For me, that’s not the record. I assembled a typical knockdown Parsons chair in 15 minutes back in March.

Sena was had high anxiety about the chairs-nervous about possibly having to return them if they were damaged or parts missing and so on. She read some of the reviews by people who got them and had bad experiences. She had high anxiety about me, in case I broke something. But things turned out OK.

Drain Grates Screwed!

Well, early this morning all the drain grates were screwed down tight. We never heard the workers. The rocks we had set on top of them were all piled up neatly on our back yard patio.

Any critter that tries to yank those off will get a hernia. If those grates come off again, we’ll have to call the FBI and report we have an X-File for them.

Door Painters Remembered Everything But The 3 Legged Pig Joke!

The door painters remembered everything but the 3-legged pig joke yesterday. But they remembered everything else. They worked pretty hard getting the doors back on the hinges.

One mystifying thing was that they rehung all the newly repainted doors without leaving so much as a smudge on them. They were spotless. We don’t know how they did it.

Anyway, the 3-legged pig joke is below:

One day a man drove by a farm and saw a three-legged pig. The man went up to the farmer and said, “Excuse me, but why does that pig only have 3 legs?”

“Well,” said the farmer, “that pig is very special. One time my wife was cooking something she stepped out of the kitchen and it caught on fire. No one in the house knew about it but the pig, and he saved me, my wife, and my 2 kids.”

“That’s amazing!” said the man, but why does the pig only have three legs?”

“Well, there was that time the pig saw a big storm coming and we didn’t. The pig ran into the house and dragged us out to the storm cellar. If it weren’t for that pig we would all be dead.”

“But still, that doesn’t explain why the pig only has 3 legs.”

“And I remember the time my youngest son was stuck up a tree, but I was too far away to hear his cries for help. The pig ran to me and led me to where he was.”

“Well, that is a miracle, but how come that pig only has 3 legs?” the man said quite annoyed at this point.

“Well,” said the farmer, “with a pig that special… you have to eat ’em real slow.”

Hey, I don’t write these jokes. That one came from a web site called Funny English Jokes.

Air Purifier Went to Code Green and More Odds and Ends

Just some odds and ends here today. Our new RENPHO Air Purifier went to Green Air Quality yesterday around lunchtime. It’s the first time since we got it that it changed. Green still means “good” air quality. Blue is “very good.” Orange is bad, red is “polluted,” and magenta is “evacuate now!” The fan speed increases a little between air quality indicators. It went back to Blue in about 20 minutes. We’re not sure what made it switch. I would make a comment about Sena cooking tater tots for lunch to what you might call Black quality, but then I would have to leave town.

I saw a new juggling trick that has attracted some jugglers to post new world records. Since I like to brag about being able to stand on one leg for a minute, I can tell you there are world records posted for longest time juggling the cascade while standing on one leg. There are two records. The first one was set in 2017 by a young man who did it for almost 11 minutes. Then, in April of 2023, another even younger kid did it for over 22 minutes.

I’m thinking there is a need for an “Old Guy Juggler” category so that I could set a new world record for juggling while standing on one leg for 4 or 5 throws. I’m sort of practicing.

Sena and I are trying to learn a new 2-person 5 ball juggling trick. For some reason, it’s a lot tougher than we thought it would be. Slow progress. I’ll keep you posted.

Our freshly repainted doors are supposed to be delivered today by a couple of painters. I’m wondering if I’ll hear the three-legged pig joke from one of them. How about a painter joke?

So, the painters finished painting my house and hand me the bill. I notice that by the paint, it says $0. I say, “You guys did such a nice job, why didn’t you charge me for the paint?” The head painter says, “Don’t worry about the paint, it’s on the house.”

Brand Spanking New Air Purifier!

Sena got a brand spankin’ new air purifier and it’s whisper quiet. It’s made by RENPHO. Air purifiers probably don’t reduce virus particles but they at least they give you the impression you’re doing something to keep the air clean in your home.

We had an air purifier years ago, and the whole unit had to be cleaned occasionally. This one has a filter you change every 6 months or so.

It’s easy to operate. Basically, you turn it on and forget it. Some of the directions are a little interesting. One of them is a table of what the different button symbols are. The title is “Defination.”

The list of cautions includes the instruction, “Do not place anything on top of the appliance and do not sit on the appliance.”

Why it would occur to anyone but an extraterrestrial to sit on the air purifier is beyond me.

There’s an air quality sensor light which glows a different color corresponding to how good or bad the air is in your house. Blue is very good; Green is good; Orange is bad; Red is polluted. Ours always glows a nice, comforting blue.

There’s a note below the air quality sensor light description:

“Note: Compared with professional instrument, the detecting result of this air quality sensor may has tolerance in accuracy, we suggest you regard the sensor detecting result as a reference only.”

I’m not sure how to interpret this note. Does “tolerance in accuracy” mean it has only tolerably fair accuracy, meaning good enough for government work? Would a canary work just as well?

The trouble shooting section contains an entry that might be helpful:

Problem: You can’t adjust any of the controls.

Cause: An Extraterrestrial Biological Entity (EBE) is sitting on top of the air purifier. Some EBEs are pretty finicky about air purifier settings. They might prevent you from changing them by contacting their superiors, who will abduct you and conduct various experiments using large probes.

Solution: Let the EBE have its way.