Go Retire Psychiatrist

This is National Dairy Month and the extraterrestrials know all about it. In fact, the one thing Agents Mulder and Scully didn’t know about was the Cow Cribbage Curriculum Conspiracy (CCCC) that has been under way since before the ETs crashed in Roswell, New Mexico.

As Deep Throat put it on the X-Files, “They’ve been here a very long time.” Not everybody knows the details about the CCCC though, not even the Lone Gunmen. Sena and I found out about it when the ETs abducted us and a bunch of cows years ago.

All that stuff about cow mutilations is a huge cover-up by The Government. The truth is out there (and I mean really out there, bud) and it’s all about the ETs and the American Cribbage Congress (ACC). You should know this is connected to the well-known crisis of there being very few people under the age of 50 learning how to play cribbage.

You can forget the ET and human hybrid project nonsense right now. It turns out the real plan is to teach cows how to play cribbage well enough to replace the humans under the age of 50 who don’t want to learn how to play the game. This is beyond the big tournament in Reno. It’s about growing the ranks of cows who learn to play cribbage at master’s level to shame young people into taking up the game.

If you think National Dairy Month is all about pushing dairy products, you need to be aware that is just a front for the CCCC agenda. Do you think it’s just a coincidence that nobody talks about it at the FBI, not even the Smoking Man? Oh yeah, he’s just a front man who chain smokes Marleys and only occasionally goes cow-tipping on the weekends. Let me ask you this: have you ever seen the Smoking Man eat cottage cheese in public? He’s too slick for that! This ET crap they’re selling the public is just a cover for the CCCC.

Betty and Barney Hill lost time up there all right. It’s a well-kept secret they were used to teach abducted cows to play cribbage. I’ll bet you didn’t know Betty and Barney played cribbage, did you? They drank a lot of milk up there.

And who do you think milked all the cows up there while they were placidly learning how to play 6-card cribbage? Our hands were raw!

Why do you think cows say “Moooo” all the time? Because it rhymes with “15 for twoooo.” How much more proof do you need?

Can you see that cows are going to shame young people into learning how to play cribbage? How can you let a cow beat you at cribbage? Just wait; they’ll start televising tournaments pretty soon.

It’s just a matter of time when the ETs will figure out a way to solve the problem of having to make cows wear diapers at local cribbage club tournaments.

They do tend to make get high scores.