Month: April 2024

Shoehorn Thoughts

Sena got us three new shoehorns. They’re different sizes: the usual 6-inch, an 11-inch, and a 16-inch.

Of course, you could ask why anyone would need a 16-inch shoehorn. The simple answer is that it’s to help you get your boots on. But would you be able to get it on an airplane in your carry-on bag? Well, one wisecrack answer would be “Yes, if your carry-on is big enough.” I’m not sure what the TSA would say about it.

What if an obstreperous airline passenger was perturbed about not getting his complimentary in-flight Zagnut bar snack, got his carry-on and pulled out that steel 16-inch shoehorn, demanded his complimentary Zagnut and started waving it around like he’s a samurai?

I don’t know the answer, which is yet another reason why I’m reluctant to get on an airplane these days.

Another question I can’t answer is whether those new slip-in Skecher shoes eliminate the need for shoehorns. I couldn’t find a clear answer. On the other hand, I did find out that a few people, including lawyers, think some Skecher shoes can lead to tripping and sustaining injuries that could potentially be worth a small fortune in class-action lawsuits.

I have a pair of Skecher shoes which do seem to make me trip more often than I normally would, even for a geezer. And while I can use a 16-inch shoehorn to get them on, I have to stoop over and straighten out the bunched-up fabric on the top part of the shoe, and just like that I get another back spasm just like the one which drove me to use the shoehorn in the first place.

And where do you store these extra long shoehorns? Sure, they’ve all got a small hole in the handle, which fools you into thinking you could just hang it on one of the coat hanger hooks in your mud room. But the holes are too small. I could tie a shoelace on it and hang it on a coat hanger, but that’s too much work. I guess I could tie a fishing line on it, but I want to store it someplace, not catch a marlin with it.

I found one web site which claimed you can take socks off with a 16-inch shoehorn. Let’s think about that. It’s steel and the edge, while not razor sharp, could tear a hole in your sock. Or it could leave a scratch on your leg or foot. You could do both if you’re handy with a weapon like that.

That sounds like a class-action lawsuit. I should call them and find out what my case could potentially be worth.

The Wendy’s Orange Dreamsicle Frosty Is In Your Dreams

Well, we stopped by the Wendy’s drive up a couple of days ago and tried to order that new Orange Dreamsicle (sometimes called the Creamsicle) Frosty. But they were out of it, mainly because they didn’t order enough of it. I guess it’s a hot-cold item (Har!). They encouraged us to return the next day, which we did.

They had plenty of Orange Frosty. They said it was just like those orange Push-Up Pops you got when you were a kid (what gives? I never got one). Sena said the Push-Ups tasted like orange sherbet, so she was looking forward to it.

OK, if we’d been blindfolded and didn’t know about it in the first place—we wouldn’t have been able to tell there was anything orange about it but the color.

It was a nice enough color, but it tasted so much like vanilla we wondered why they were calling it orange. We thought the same thing about the strawberry and peppermint Frosty’s. The only one that was a hit for us was the Pumpkin Spice flavor—even though some foodies said the main ingredients were milk and soy. Some said it reminded them of eggnog. I got nothing against eggnog.

So, what was in the Orange Push-Ups? I looked this up on line and they were made of cream and orange juice concentrate.

What exactly is in the Orange Dreamsicle Frosty? The dessert is aptly named, because you’re dreaming if you think you’re getting any orange in it.

It’s got milk, sugar, corn syrup, cream, and non-fat milk, plus thickeners and additives for color. There is no orange or even tangerine in it.

What do you want to bet that’s what’s in all the other flavors? When the new flavors come out, Wendy’s says they can’t give you vanilla. Funny, because that’s what most of them taste like. I’m pretty sure it’s because they use the vanilla as a base to make the new flavors.

That’s OK with me because vanilla is my favorite anyway. And chocolate is a close second. Anytime Wendy’s has a new Frosty, we’re up for it!

Is it About the Nail or Not?

I saw this essay about getting your hamster off the treadmill and being in the moment. It’s not just for University of Iowa employees.  I do the mindfulness thing, I juggle, I make dumb YouTube videos. And for a little over a month now, I have not scrolled past the first few headlines at the top of the on-line news outlets. It’s a little easier than I thought to give up FOMO zombie-scrolling news habit, if you can even call it the news.

And the nail video is a hoot.

Our Solar Eclipse Day: A Happening on Terry Trueblood Trail

Yesterday, we went out to Terry Trueblood Recreation Area to see the solar eclipse. It was a gorgeous day for it, although a bit chilly. When we got there about 11:30 AM, the parking lot was pretty empty and only a few people were there. We even ran into a few on the trail who didn’t know about the eclipse at all.

However, as the day went on, more visitors showed up, although by no means a crushing crowd. Sena and I were testing out our pinhole and cereal box viewers, and I practiced using the solar filter with my smartphone. While we were doing that, a woman approached us and we struck up a great conversation about the eclipse, which she was looking forward to as well.

As the time approached for the big event, others took up positions around the park. It didn’t take long for us to share stories with others. A woman shared her pinhole viewer with us. She also shared her eclipse glasses (Sena did as well) with another couple who had a NASA live feed on their large screen smartphone. They in turn shared the NASA live feed with us. The irony was the couple didn’t have eclipse glasses and couldn’t safely look up at the partial eclipse right where we were in Iowa City.

And that’s how we all got to share our experience of 4 eclipses, 3 of them total eclipses (albeit vicariously by the NASA live feed by smartphone) with Carbondale, Illinois as well as Arkansas and Texas. The videos were mesmerizing.

As the eclipse progressed, we noticed it got colder and darker. The birds stopped singing. On the NASA live feed, we heard a reporter excitedly remark that the bats were flying out of the caves because they thought it was nightfall. The Terry Trueblood Park lights turned on it got so dim; then they came back on as the eclipse reversed.

The eclipse itself was spectacular. Even more fascinating was how it brought some of us together with others to share it. It reminded me of an old term “the happening.” It was coined in the 1950s and, although I think it originally referred to artistic events, you could apply it to a lot of big and cool events—like eclipses. It was a happening.

Off to See the Eclipse!

We’ll be off to try to see the eclipse today, because the weather report yesterday (and this morning!) said it would be sunny and warm.

For the occasion, I made a cereal box eclipse viewer just for fun. We’ll see if it works. I sacrificed a box of Raisin Bran for it. Sena wondered where her cereal box viewer was. We had only one box of cereal in the pantry.

And we’ve got some eclipse glasses. Good luck out there!

Partial Social Eclipse Viewing on the Pentacrest April 8, 2024!

The University of Iowa Dept of Physics and Astronomy and the Sciences Library invites the public to view the partial solar eclipse on April 8, 2024 between 12:30 PM-3:00 PM at the Pentacrest and the Sciences Library courtyard. Solar eclipse glasses free while they last.

Solar Eclipse Around the Corner So We May Need to Protect the Cicadas!

The solar eclipse is just around the corner! We’re hoping for decent weather. We’re also hoping that everyone views the event with safety in mind.

University of Iowa Health Care ophthalmologist Dr. Ian Han has great tips on how to observe the solar eclipse on April 8, 2024. He pointed out that eclipse glasses that pass muster for safe viewing of what will be a partial eclipse in Iowa are typically on a list of approved eyewear and often have an ISO (that stands for International Organization for Standardization) number stamped on them. Our glasses have the right stuff!

However, animals sometimes get confused by solar eclipses, including cicadas (see my other post about cicada weirdness posted today). Cicadas might stop singing or maybe their gonads drop off a little sooner than usual, I don’t know exactly. But the zombie cicada gonad apocalypse timing probably makes that a non-issue. I did say “probably.” But how could we protect them if necessary?

There might be a scientific way to custom fit the cicadas with solar eclipse glasses using groundbreaking technology first used in the 1989 documentary film, “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids,” which I have not personally watched but which could be featured on Svengoolie. We’d have to scale up production for possibly trillions of bugs. And I guess we can’t protect their gonads.

But we can all protect our eyes.

Update: I found a very good web site which tells you how to check if your solar eclipse glasses are genuine and protective. In addition to the information above, you can test the eclipse glasses indoors by putting them on. You shouldn’t be able to see anything but the brightest light bulbs and those just barely. You can test them outside as well. On a sunny day, look around at any reflective surface. You shouldn’t be able to see much at all. I tested ours and they passed with flying colors.

Cicada Zombieland

I’m sure you’ve heard the zombie cicada horror movie-like story in the news which sounds like it would make a great episode for the Svengoolie TV show. “Attack of the hallucinating zombie cicadas without gonads” would make a good title. One possible torrid scene suggestion would open in the “living” room (although zombies are not really alive), female (Alice) and male (Fred) cicadas seated on the sofa, lava lamp on the coffee table:

Fred: Alice baby, what’s your sign?

Alice: Your gonads are off, hon.

Fred: Oops. Did I leave them at the racquetball court?

Alice: Hmmm. Have you had your…shots?

Fred: What do you mean?

Alice: You’re not carrying any sexually transmitted diseases, are you?

Fred: I hardly see how that’s possible, since my gonads fell off somewhere. Have another drink of my psychedelic fungus urine, which I am able to shoot out stronger and faster than an elephant!

Alice: Not erotic enough in my book. I’m leaving, Fred.

Fred: Wait a minute, Alice. I’m sure my gonads are around here somewhere; let me check between the sofa cushions!

Cicadas are those bugs which make extremely loud buzzing noises every 13 or every 17 years or whatever, when they dig their way out of the ground to climb trees, molt, and find mates. Sex is the main event for them and possibly trillions of them will be looking to get lucky in the biggest invasion in over 200 years, at least in the southeastern United States.

On the other hand, there is something seriously wrong with some of them. A parasitic fungus with an LSD-like or amphetamine-like substance takes over the males and their sexual equipment just falls right off, replaced by fungus gobs which stick on to other males or females, infecting them and turning them into sex-crazed zombies which kill each other off faster than Woody Harrelson can slaughter the walking dead in Zombieland (a movie I never saw).

This reminds me of a couple of X-Files episodes, as I’m sure it reminds you. One of them is Firewalker in which a silicon-based fungus infects a crew of scientists and kills them off by making them zombie-like spreaders of it, complete with a long, strangely phallic-like sprout which explodes out of their necks, after the victims gradually become psychotic.

The other X-Files episode is Field Trip in which Mulder and Scully get trapped underground covered in a giant gooey fungus which makes them hallucinate their brains out. At the same time, it’s digesting them. Yum.

I don’t think the X-Files producers got the idea for the episodes from the cicada zombies.

Svengoolie Chicken Juggler Insanity!

Here’s yet another take on the Svengoolie TV show fan insanity. Maybe we’ll get over it someday, but for now I doubt it.

Sena gets in on the act this time as she throws the chicken at me after I tell cheesy jokes Svengoolie style before I juggle the Shrilling Chicken along with a couple of glow balls while wearing my brand new Svengoolie glow in the dark T-shirt. It’s a total fart—I mean gas.

I’m wearing gloves for a couple of reasons. Number one, the first time I tried to juggle the chicken, it dropped awkwardly on my right hand and made my index finger swell up. I had to let that heal up for a few days and I don’t want to reinjure myself. Number two—they just look cool.

Juggling items of different shapes, sizes, and weights is much harder than I thought. I never knew which way that chicken was going to fly. Catching it was total luck.

Doing stand up was a new thing for us. I never knew how hard it is to get your lines right. We had to do several takes to get the joke routines down. Muffing my lines was almost as funny as getting the jokes right.

But those jokes are so lame they’re great! The rim shot sound effect was a free download on pixabay.

Just another plug for Svengoolie. It’s a MeTV channel cheesy horror flick fan favorite. The show airs every Saturday evening at 7:00 PM. Svengoolie has been hosting it for decades and he introduces the movie and shares interesting background about the films and actors. He also tells these really groaner-style jokes which triggers the audience to throw chickens at him.

Tomorrow night’s movie is The Time Travelers.

Publicly Rate Mayonnaise Brands At Your Own Risk!

Sena bought a couple of new brands of mayo, or new to us anyway. They were Bama Mayonnaise and McCormick Mayonesa. Sena didn’t much care for Bama Mayonnaise. And that is just her personal opinion; don’t send any nasty letters, please!

On the other hand, we both really liked McCormick Mayonesa. It has lime and sugar in it. It reminds me of Miracle Whip, which as you know, is my favorite (no offense, out there!). Sena really prefers Hellmann’s Real Mayonnaise. But I still love her.

Here’s the thing about my sensitivity about nasty comments. I want to emphasize here that we are not rating any of these mayos we’ve tried. OK, I’ve written a few blog posts about them, but you will not find any numerical ratings about them (I’m pretty sure, though I haven’t checked). I found a web site article by Sean of the South. The title is “Mayo Wars.” He rated the mayos. Big mistake. He got a lot of flak. There are a lot of folks out there who worship their favorite mayos.

Sean tried 73 brands of mayonnaise. I didn’t know there was anywhere near that many brands of mayo! I gather Sean’s ratings made some people stride briskly to their refrigerators, pack their favorite brands lovingly, and ship them to Sean with letters expressing deep devotion to their mayos while advising Sean to watch his step or suffer the consequences.

Anyway, we’re not rating mayos. In fact, we believe that all mayos are created equal. Only, we think you should give the McCormick Mayonesa a try. We think it’s pretty good in potato salad and as a sauce for fish.