Tag: The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch

Tough TV Choices

I have a couple of choices for TV shows tonight. I could watch an X-Files rerun on the Comet network or the “season finale” of The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch.

Sena and I have been watching the X-Files reruns the last few nights. We didn’t know it was on until Sena happened to catch a couple of episodes. It comes on weeknights between 8-11 pm. They’re the early ones, which were pretty good.

We used to watch X-Files and munch popcorn a long time ago when the show was new. It was good entertainment.

On the other hand, it’s hard to know what to call The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch. Is it entertainment or investigative reporting? I don’t know how you can say it’s investigative in nature when mostly what you see are guys firing off dozens of hobby rockets to annoy the interdimensional entities who then lob UFOs back at them.

Calling a show a “season finale” doesn’t make me think about scientific TV programs.

I’m betting the skinwalker season finale will be an extravaganza of hobby rockets and dozens of Sasquatches flinging their hairy legs in the air in unison Rockette-style while munching on beef jerky.

I can’t afford to miss that. Sena will watch the X-Files on the TV downstairs.

Watch Out for Spaghettification on Skinwalker Ranch!

I’m not up to speed on the math of black hole portal wormhole vortices and whatnot, but I think the actors on The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch need to be careful what kind of incendiary devices they’re tossing into the Triangle Area.

I barely got through the general physics introductory course at Iowa State University. I remember the momentum lab experiments—barely. My lab partner showed up late because he was really hung over. I think he asked me if I ever partied and I said I had pretty much outgrown that kind of thing. He looked at me like he was shocked and exclaimed, “You mean this crap ends?”

On the other hand, despite his hangover he grasped the momentum math better than I did.

I’m still trying to figure out why one of the actors said “A black hole?” when somebody posed the question “What does that thing look like?” referring to what looked like a black hole at ground level following a LiDAR imaging test in the Triangle Area. I didn’t know you could find black holes with LiDAR.

There was also the suggestion of funnels in the air above the black hole, leading to the team wondering if it was a portal leading to a wormhole. Everybody got excited about it, and wondered if it might explain all the weird stuff happening on the ranch. Could there be monsters, extraterrestrials, orbs, and Braunschweiger with Miracle Whip sandwiches zipping in and out of these things?

It got me looking around on the internet to find out whether black holes and wormholes could be the same thing. It turns out some scientists think there could be black hole portals on one end and white hole portals on the other end of wormholes, which I think means you get spaghettified on one end and reassembled on the other.

However, this could mean you have to be wary of spaghettification if you try to travel to another dimension through a wormhole. You don’t have to take my word for it (and you shouldn’t!). Just ask physics professors Leo and Shanshan Rodriguez at Grinnell College in Iowa. Black holes swallow up everything that comes within spitting distance from them, stretch them way out so they resemble noodles and eventually destroy you.

The only thing you can do then is call Chuck Norris, who routinely eats black holes with Braunschweiger and Miracle Whip for lunch (they taste like chicken) and farts them into another galaxy far, far away. Chuck’s side hustle is to work part time at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) where he is a part time janitor, sweeping up the little black holes it sometimes generates. That black hole the LHC created in 2012 which swallowed reality didn’t stand a chance against Chuck, who gargled it and spat reality back out.

This goes back to Einstein’s theory of general relativity of course, which proves by advanced, hyper galactic step over toe hold jujitsu level mathematical formulas that the stitches in the fabric of spacetime get all warped leading to a crazy strong gravitational pull involving stirrup pants that stretch you enough to motivate some men to spend any amount of money to increase their penis size including subjecting themselves to black holes such that they would need a carryon bag to haul it through Chicago O’Hare and believe spaghettification is just the trick although airport security has yet to devise how they can get it through the screening machine in order to avoid pat down searches which can not only tickle but also delay passenger boarding and lead to mass hallucinations of a big UFO similar to the O’Hare event in 2006, which was actually caused by a weather event according to men in black suits posing as FAA agents at the airport.

Does anybody else have a sudden craving for pasta?

Wormhole Vortex Portal at Skinwalker Ranch!

I watched The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch the other night and the investigators got really excited over seeing what they called a wormhole portal in the Triangle area of the ranch. Somehow, it was detected by LiDAR, which stands for light detection and ranging. It measures distance using light instead of sound like radar does.

I didn’t know you could use LiDAR to detect wormholes.

Anyway, the whole team including Travis got so worked up about it the show got interrupted so that all the actors (I mean investigators) could calm down by mindfulness meditation. It was better than finding a mutilated cow.

Prior to finding the wormhole, they had guys shooting rockets, flamethrowers, and electricity bolts into the sky at about the 30-foot level where weird things usually happen, like orbs.

You never see much beside orbs. I’m not sure how you think of an orb of light as a UFO or spaceship that could be drivable by an extraterrestrial. I can’t imagine a humanoid fitting into an orb and operating it even with something like a car with a push button transmission. Remember those? When I was a kid, we had a friend who got one. She was really proud of it. I think it was a Chrysler from the 1950s.

I’m not sure where they’ll go with the wormhole thing now. Would they ever try to enter the wormhole? I thought wormholes destroyed everything that got too close to them.

They’ve been stuck for so long to come up with something different to give viewers the idea that there’s something really paranormal out there that they’ve had to add an extra show, Beyond Skinwalker Ranch. I haven’t watched it; it comes on a little late at night for me.

Next week they’re going to have the Utah State Attorney General as a guest star again out to the ranch. It looks like the military is out there buzzing the area with various black helicopters and generally getting everybody indignant and all worked up. Why should the military care what they’re doing? After all, it’s not illegal to shoot hobby rockets, flame throwers, and electricity bolts at the air, even if it might have a wormhole not covered by insurance in it.

The Skinwalker Ranch Connection to Nikola Tesla

I watched one of the new episodes of The Secret of skinwalker Ranch the other night. The use of special imaging techniques led to finding what looked like little tunnels running underground in one area of the property.

That led to trotting out the little excavator and digging up the ground. They found some light-colored veins of dirt, which they analyzed. They contained elements, things like sodium, potassium and whatnot. I couldn’t understand why they didn’t compare that to the surrounding normal-looking dirt, because I think dirt everywhere has those elements in it.

I think one of the scientists/actors, Dr. Travis Taylor, mentioned that this kind of dirt might be able to transmit electricity. That got me thinking about Nikola Tesla and his fascinating experiments with electricity. I’m probably all mixed up about his theories but I think he tried to send electricity through the earth in an effort to show it could be transmitted without wires.

In fact, that led me on my usual wild goose chasing through the internet. I didn’t know Tesla almost died from cholera when he was much younger. I also found out he suffered from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). That led me to a paper that was published in a neuroscience journal in 1999 showing that an intracellular form of cholera toxin was associated with OCD-like behaviors in mice.

Tesla also became friends with Mark Twain, one of my favorite humorists. Tesla used his “earthquake machine” to cure Twain’s constipation—by causing diarrhea.

You can learn a lot about science by watching the skinwalker ranch show. On the History Channel website, it’s subtitled as “science fiction.”

Campbell KM, de Lecea L, Severynse DM, Caron MG, McGrath MJ, Sparber SB, Sun LY, Burton FH. OCD-Like behaviors caused by a neuropotentiating transgene targeted to cortical and limbic D1+ neurons. J Neurosci. 1999 Jun 15;19(12):5044-53. doi: 10.1523/JNEUROSCI.19-12-05044.1999. PMID: 10366637; PMCID: PMC6782675.

We took the picture of the Nikola Tesla sculpture at Niagara Falls in 2015.

Thoughts on UFOs and UAPs

I was either too sleepy the other night or briefly abducted by extraterrestrials to stay up for the new spin-off TV show, Beyond Skinwalker Ranch. They hired new actors—I mean researchers. The original show, The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch, is actually interesting and I usually watch it. The actors are always firing off rockets into the sky to provoke either the extraterrestrials or the skinwalkers.

One of the cast members is an actual scientist. He’s Dr. Travis Taylor, PhD, an astrophysicist. He’s in charge of firing off those rockets. There’s a Wikipedia article on him. He has several degrees and has written many books. He’s a pretty good actor.

The other night, the show hosted a guest who was the guy who came up with the alternative name for UFOs: Unidentified Aerial Phenomena (UAP). I can’t remember his name but he was used as bait to attract attention from the ranch, which is sometimes conceptualized as being a kind of mysterious living entity, capable of ignoring humans and not creating any weirdness—and at other times causing major atmospheric disturbances and UAP activity that makes everybody on the show say things like: “We’ve got to get Travis’s eyes on this piece of dead animal skin—it’s just crazy!”

I’m not sure how any of the cast can keep themselves from laughing. On the other hand, they’ve managed to involve the Utah state attorney general. He has the same tailor as Johnny Cash, apparently. He supports the actors and seems to know better than to try and upstage any of them. He wants to know what’s flying in the air in his state. Judging from the number of sick and dead mutilated animals strewn around the 512-acre property, my guess is that it’s mainly buzzards.

The show might talk to the guy who recently identified himself as an ex-intelligence official and whistleblower who reports that the federal government is hiding numerous UAPs, many of which have no doubt been crashed on Earth by drunken extraterrestrials, none of whom have ever taken a defensive driving course and are doing hard time in underground prisons in Utah for operating UAPs while under the influence of the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, an alcoholic beverage described by researcher Douglas Adams in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Try to say that sentence in one breath, I double-dog dare you.

I think the producers of the skinwalker show should consider hiring another actor, Nick Pope, the retired employee of the British Ministry of Defense. He investigated UAPs when they were still called UFOs, which of course made him a laughingstock, but that all changed when the name was changed to UAP. He is now a famous member of the Ancient Aliens team and the only one sane enough to persuade people from actually breaking down the gates of Area 51 during the Storm Area 51 crisis in 2019. He also has a Wikipedia entry. He has never publicly denied successfully completing treatment for Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster use.

Unless the new Beyond Skinwalker Ranch spinoff moves to an earlier time slot, I’ll just have to wait for the reruns. It’s probably not as funny as the original and certainly won’t equal the uproariously hilarious Mountain Monsters (which we can no longer watch because it left cable TV). Only a parody like that can top the current UAP TV program fare.

My Plan for the Unidentified Frying Objects!

We have to get the UFO thing under control, and it’s going to take more than mass produced tin foil hats. I watched a couple of paranormal shows the other night and saw The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch and The Proof is Out There hosted by Tony Harris.

I poke fun at The Secret of Skinpicker Ranch and The 200 Proof Moonshine is Out There, but not in malice. It’s because they are funny. Just to let you know, I think they’re both pretty good entertainment, although I favor The Proof is Out There because of the skeptical approach.

As usual, Tony and his experts politely debunked a few alleged paranormal phenomena and used a sense of humor doing it. I’m still not sure why Tony calls the current series the Skinwalker Edition. He never really investigates what the skin picker cast members are up to, which usually involves saying “What the bleep” after seeing the odd orb or two and occasionally having fainting spells.

I think Tony gets green screened into a couple of pictures and videos of the Skinpicker Ranch in northern Utah where it’s located and politely comments about what the cast is up to on the show. I cannot understand why an astrophysicist, Travis Taylor, is on the show, other than to try to give it credibility for the pseudoscientific approach. However, Dragon (played by Bryant Arnold), who is just a security guard, gets more camera time than Taylor.

That said, I think it’s way past time to get a better understanding of these Unidentified Frying Objects (UFOs). We’re talking about an astral chicken here, who is anatomically altered to function as its own wormhole vortex. I think the White House has been aware of the alien poultry cloaca portal vanguard (APCPV) for decades.

There are not enough tin foil hats to go around, people. Besides, they are a waste of good aluminum foil wrapping paper, which should be reserved for the resistance fighters when it comes time to roast the invaders. Don’t blame me when you get caught; you’ve been warned.

What we really need is a large coop to confine these galactic free range cluckmeisters. We need to toss the so-called Unidentified Frying Objects, which are actually alien cloaca black hole benders, into the skillet and add poultry seasoning. You want them to be golden brown.

It’s important to be committed to the goal, even when their hired thug abductors which commonly look like little green men (the small grays are the custodians). The abductors tend to be easily tricked into setting you free if you find a decent BBQ rib joint for them. Jimmy Jack’s Rib Shack in Iowa City is a good choice. They also do chicken.

You’re welcome.

Parody or Fake Science?

I was just looking at the IMDb reviews of 3 TV shows, one of which we think is hilarious and a couple of others we watch mainly because there’s nothing else on and we’ve already played cribbage for entertainment. In my opinion, one of the shows is a parody of science (and by extension fake science), and the other two are fake science. And I think the parody is a lot more entertaining the others.

Let’s list the shows with their IMDb reviews links:

The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch

Expedition Bigfoot

Mountain Monsters

We can’t watch Mountain Monsters anymore because it’s available only on the streaming network now and it’s not worth chasing (although it was uproariously funny).

One way to keep this post from getting too long is to let you look at a few reviews of all three on IMDb and compare them.

I don’t know what you think, but I have always thought that Mountain Monsters is a parody of shows like the other two, which try to be scientific but fall far short.

First, we need a definition of parody. Merriam-Webster says:

Parody: “a literary or musical work in which the style of an author or work is closely imitated for comic effect or in ridicule.”

I think it’s probably also good to know the difference between parody and satire.

Now we think The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch and Expedition Bigfoot are failed attempts to come off as science-based so-called reality shows. They take themselves too seriously. You can probably tell that from the IMDb reviews. The casts never find anything noteworthy, jump at their own shadows, and generally are terrible actors.

If you then read the reviews for Mountain Monsters, maybe you can see why we’d classify it as a parody. Most reviewers call it pure entertainment. It’s unpretentious and clearly pokes fun at the other two. I even found one reviewer who pointed out the credits at the end of Mountain Monsters has a disclaimer saying no animals were hunted. We hadn’t noticed that, but it’s probably because we were still laughing so hard at the hillbilly antics.

The cast of Mountain Monsters are probably better actors, but forgivably often can’t stop themselves from laughing at their own jokes.