Category: paranormal

Sena Says Chase Away the Winter Blues, Try Lume!

Sena said I could give you an update on the Lume products. Remember, she said this was OK.

She’s actually happy with the product. She uses it as recommended by the creator, who recommends applying it “under boobs, butt crack, pits,” and so on. That’s how the commercials go.

We shoveled snow and scraped ice yesterday and she thought she could go without a shower last night—mainly to see how long the deodorant would last.

On the other hand, she’s not going to buy it again because it’s too expensive. Really, that’s the only knock against it, according to her. And her word is the only one that matters. Except her suggestion I try Mando products. Is she trying to tell me something?

I’m wondering how this will promote Lume research into making the deodorant for Bigfoot (my proposal in the original post), namely Bigfoot B.O. Begone (BBOB). Lume can even have the name, as long as they back it up with field research. That means going into the field to find Bigfoot, applying the product, and getting follow up results periodically (every hour on the hour would suffice) for at least 72 hours.

Bigfoot is about 8 feet tall and weighs over 600 pounds, so wrestling with it will require fortitude, strict dedication to the scientific method—and plenty of beef jerky. Sticking your nose into its armpits and other unmentionable body sectors will take courage, excellent health insurance, life insurance, and a total lack of sanity.

What some people will do in the name of science makes you wonder if psychiatric treatment could make a difference.

Remember, she said this update was OK. I’m available for questions just as soon as I’m released from the witness protection program.

Sena Gets Her Lume!

Sena finally got her Lume products delivered yesterday. That’s right, I said “Lume,” the total body odor remover you see being advertised on TV. I can’t bear to watch them, which might say something about how we’re socialized to avoid confronting our own B.O. In my defense, the commercials have been described as “in your face.”

The packet arrived after 11 days, starting its delivery journey in Kentucky. I suspect the recent bad winter weather had a lot to do with the delay. The postal service delivered it and the products inside were frozen. The Acidified Deodorant Wipes package was a solid brick and I bet you could have broken a window with it.

Sena ordered the Lume products with the goal of experimenting with them to just to see if they work as advertised. The long message Lume sent after the delivery was interesting:

UPS has marked your package as delivered! This is one of the best days of my life, second only to when you placed your order.

Please allow an additional 1-2 business days for your lovingly prepared package to arrive on your doorstep. Sometimes packages are marked as “delivered” while they’re still in your faithful mail carrier’s bag or looking cute in the mail truck.

If you still haven’t received your Lume in 2 more business days, please contact us! (Not to brag, but we are pros at Where’s WaldoTM.)

Tips & Tricks for Becoming a Lume Pro

Prep Your Clothes & Prime Your Pits

Body odor happens in two places: ON your skin and IN your clothes. Learn how to both places ready for outrageously effective odor control on our Getting Started Page!

We Had to Break Some Rules to Be This Good

What’s that smell? It’s the sweet smell of science! Our water based cream rubs in like a lotion, and because Lume is not like ordinary deodorant, it doesn’t smell like ordinary deodorant. A natural, unexpected, fleeting scent leaves you smelling like nothing at all.

Pits, Feet, and Privates

Odor reactions are the same no matter where they happen on our body! You can use Lume anywhere you have external odor but wish you didn’t. Yes, even there.

Have Some *Private* Questions?

No need to be coy. We all have private parts, and we all have odor! Find answers to your questions on our FAQ page or by messaging our knowledgeable team at website address. (Trust us, we’ve heard ALL the questions.)

Doubts have been raised about whether or not the deodorant keeps you odor free for 72 hours. I’m not sure what to make of the claim. Most deodorants and antiperspirants that have been on the market for years make that claim. I’m not sure how you’d verify it. I don’t generally go without showering for several days. I’m likely to wash the deodorant off well before 72 hours after application.

Along those lines, there’s also a product like Lume for men now, called Mando. I’m not sure why the name was chosen. It can be short for mandolin or Mandalorian (fictional male warrior character in the Star Wars franchise) among other meanings, usually suggesting machismo.

The Mando product may or may not be connected to the acquisition of Lume by Harry’s Inc. (maker of men’s personal care products) in 2021. According to the web, Mando was launched in 2023.

So, the logical question, of course, is when will the Bigfoot deodorant be released? Hey, it’s well known that Bigfoot stinks to high heaven, and while explanations differ about what he smells like and why, there’s no reason not to develop a total body deodorant for Bigfoot. It could be called Bigfoot B.O. Begone (BBOB for short). It has a ring to it. And there’s even a Minnesota connection relevant to the Lume/Mando creator. The Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization (BFRO) have documented at least 75 sightings in Minnesota.

BBOB could lead to making him less shy and more willing to share his favorite food, which is beef jerky. And we’re always talking about Bigfoot as though there are only males in the species. The classic 1967 Patterson/Gimlin film of Patty the female Bigfoot (with boobs no less) clearly illustrates the need for an “under boobs” deodorant for the Sasquatch tribe. It would probably have to last more than 72 hours.

I’m not making any guarantees here, but there may be an update to this post.

New Aromatherapy Diffusers!

Sena got some new aromatherapy diffusers made by Studio 66. They have a magical glow. One has a design of cardinals on it and it is titled Winter Ice (or Mistletoe, depending on what side of the box you read). The box says it smells like sweet orange, warm cinnamon, juniper berries and eucalpytus. The other has a design of deer in the trees, called Enchantment or Cozy Cashmere. According to the box, it has notes of jasmine, sandalwood, and vanilla with a hint of sweet musk.

They were obviously designed and named by extraterrestrials, but they look nice. So far, I can’t smell them-which could mean the nasal implant the ETs jammed up my nose is dysfunctional.

The Geezer Remarks on Superfoods

Sena is big on eating healthy, which is a good thing. On the other hand, we don’t necessarily always like the same foods. And there’s the whole issue of what people call superfoods nowadays.

Funny, when I was a kid, I used to just refer to superfoods as “yuck!” There are variant spellings.

I read the Wikipedia entry on superfoods and it essentially says there is officially no such thing.

Take beets—please!

Sena’s big on Beets and Leeks. I’m not a big fan. I’ll eat them, of course. There’s nothing wrong with them that intravenous ipecac and a stomach transplant won’t fix. The drawback is the medical bill.

I don’t think we’ve ever had kale. Does that make the superfood list? I think it’s the same thing as mustard greens, okra, and other building materials similar to shingles.

I tried okra when I was a student at Huston-Tillotson University (then Huston-Tillotson College). I was offered this slightly slimy substance as part of a dinner at the home of my Religion and Philosophy professor and his family. It’s slimy because it contains mucilage, which is (correct me if I’m wrong but I’ll naturally ignore you) also the name of the glue we used in grade school to make valentine cards.

In fact, think of any food you dislike as intensely as any medication or tonic you had to take when you were a kid. That would be classified as a superfood. I had to take a tablespoon of mineral oil a day, which is a substance very much like mucilage.

I found out that millet is marketed as a superfood. That’s funny, because it’s also used as a filling for juggling balls. When you work up an appetite juggling, you can just bust open one of the balls and snack on a handful of bird seed, which is what millet really is.

Actually, superfoods come in handy in case you’re abducted by extraterrestrials. Whenever they look like they’re getting ready to jam some kind of implant up your nose, offer them a juggling ball. Just tell them to keep chewing through the leather shell until they get to that tasty millet center. This will give you time to write down the driving directions to the nearest barbecue joint for them (Jimmy Jack’s Rib Shack in Iowa City for example).

Anytime you need any more expert advice on superfoods, just let me know. I’m not available.

Darned Rhinorrhea Interrupting People

I’ve been having a runny nose recently that is intermittent and often related to eating hot foods. I have to get up from the dinner table and blow my nose, especially if we’re having hot soups or chili. I’ve been making fun of it, saying it’s caused by the nasal hair condensation index. You could also refer to it as Darned Rhinorrhea Interrupting People (DRIP). I looked it up on the internet and getting a runny nose is pretty common when eating and after other activities. It can happen just from getting older.

It turns out that there is a connection to eating certain kinds of hot and spicy foods called gustatory rhinitis. I never had this problem until the past month or so.

Recently, I get this even while juggling. And there is something called exercise induced rhinitis. It’s been known for over a hundred years.

I always notice I have a drippy nose when I come in the house after shoveling snow. It’s just snow melting from my nose hairs.

But I never got a runny nose from eating chili until a month or so ago.

And I found out there’s this thing called geriatric rhinitis. It can be caused by a number of things like (hold on to your tissue!) gustatory rhinitis. There are a number of other common causes including allergies, certain medications, and extraterrestrial abduction. Those darned ETs are forever sticking implants in peoples’ noses. There is a tendency to believe geriatric rhinitis needs some kind of specific treatment, such as anticholinergic sprays, immunotherapy, and a nasal cork stopper implantation procedure under general anesthesia in the outpatient Ear, Nose, and Throat surgery center. It costs only $50,000 per nostril (not covered by most insurance). ENT surgeons use a device with an Artificial Intelligence module, which can detect the difference between your nose and your eye with 50% accuracy.

Jokes aside (for a fraction of a second), I’ll admit a thought crossed my mind (an infrequent event) that I might have a cerebrospinal fluid leak, which is caused by a tear in the meninges into the sinuses and nasal passages. The fluid is thin and clear. Nasal sprays don’t stop it and you should seek medical attention if you can’t remember your name or find chunks of cerebral cortex in your Kleenex.

This blog post does not constitute medical advice and if you have DRIP, you should contact your nearest Voodoo practitioner.

Rube Goldberg Contraptions and Other Updates

Just random updates for now. That 2-person 6 ball pass juggle Sena and I made a YouTube about? We could barely complete a couple of volleys, and we didn’t think we’d ever make much more progress. However, yesterday, we were starting to make 3, even 4 passes and cascades. Just when you think it’s hopeless….

What about me and the shower juggle pattern? I have not stopped trying—but I’m really no further ahead than I was 6 months ago. It wouldn’t feel right to quit. Success could happen tomorrow.

I remember watching an X-Files episode a while ago, “The Goldberg Variation.” A Rube Goldberg Contraption is a machine that is built of a lot of complex parts that in sequence result in solving a simple task. The main character in the episode is Henry Weems, who is incredibly lucky. His life is a series of improbable, complicated sequences of events that either make him rich or foil his enemies.

Unlike most people, Henry wants to use his incredible power for good, specifically to help a kid get a special treatment for liver disease which is killing him. The results he gets are wacky and complicated and result in good things happening to others.

I wonder what makes Rube Goldberg Contraptions so focused on trivial results? I think it would be nice to build one that—write your wish here.

Note: Rube Goldberg cartoon in public domain (source Wikipedia article, “Rube Goldberg machine”).

AARO Wants UFO Info

The All-Domain Anomaly Resolution Office (AARO) is now accepting information about U.S. government programs or activities related to UFOs from “…current or former U.S. Government employees, service members, or contractor personnel with direct knowledge of U.S. Government programs or activities related to UAP dating back to 1945.   These reports will be used to inform AARO’s congressionally directed Historical Record Report.”

You know who you are.

Plant Based Cheese Made with Artificial Intelligence Is Only The Beginning!

We tasted plant-based cheese by Kraft yesterday. Sena bought it at Hy-Vee the other day. It’s actually not bad. The company is called Kraft NotCo. They make Not Cheese. It’s made with chickpeas, which are the same thing as garbanzo beans. You can also buy plant-based mayo, called Not Mayo. I don’t know if it’s made with chickpeas.

Sena could have got Not Mayo; instead, she got Miracle Whip—a miracle by itself because she likes “real” mayo.

What’s really interesting about these products is how they’re made. On the Kraft Heinz NotCo website, you’ll find a description of these products in the About section entitled “Not Your Average Joint Venture.” One line is thought-provoking:

“Our partnership reimagines the brands you love from Kraft Heinz using proprietary AI from NotCo to give you the plant-based version of your favorite foods that deliver on taste and performance.”

I’m assuming that AI stands for Artificial Intelligence (not “Absolutely Inedible”). So, how did Artificial Intelligence get involved? What does the AI actually do? Does it come up with the recipes for Not Foods? Are tiny bits of genetic code and nanobots involved?

Does this mean we’ll become enslaved by AI powered men in black who conspire with extraterrestrials to collect human embryos to create the giant Cheese Bots who take over the earth making it a gigantic assembly line to make smartphones that will make it easier to butt dial your congress persons to demand more laws making Home Owners Associations covenants mandatory and violators punishable by the giant garbage goblin in the well-known X-Files documentary “Arcadia”?

No; no, it does not mean that. You can safely eat AI manufactured chickpea products without fear of being transformed into an Extraterrestrial-Robot-Not Cheese hybrid super soldier marching on Washington, D.C. to force feed congress persons with Braunschweiger and Not Cheese Sandwiches with Not Mayo on Not Wheat Bread and Not Lemonade.

I kind of like Not Cheese and I don’t feel any different.

An Unexpected Encounter with Bigfoot on the Clear Creek Trail

The other day we put in about a 2.5 mile walk on the Clear Creek Trail in Coralville. We haven’t been there in a long while. It gets really quiet along the wooded trail. Sometimes even the birds don’t sing.

It was pretty quiet except for some strange knocking noises. You know, Sena has taken the lead in spotting Bigfoot in our walks in three parks, counting our latest trek. She saw Bigfoot in Hickory Hill Park, Terry Trueblood Recreation Area, and now again on the Clear Creek Trail.

She’s a Bigfoot hunter, there’s no doubt. This Bigfoot we saw a couple days ago was different. It obviously was interested in helping the Hawkeye football team with their offense. It eats plant-based cheese for some reason. I always thought it preferred beef jerky.

Did you know Bigfoot plays guitar?

And Then There Were Four Drain Tile Lids Flipped

Now there are 4 tile drain lids that have been flipped. A couple of others were flipped last night. Sena put them back on and put a rock on one of them. The two others with rocks on top of them were undisturbed.

Four of the seven lids have now been flipped this season. We still don’t know what causes this. I suspect it’s an extraterrestrial playing a prank on us.