paranormal – Go Retire Psychiatrist

Svengoolie Movie: “The Creation of the Humanoids”

Svengoolie Intro: “Calling all stations! Clear the air lanes! Clear all air lanes for the big broadcast!”

Last night, I watched the Svengoolie movie, “The Creation of the Humanoids,” and I don’t mind telling you, I was reminded of Isaac Asimov’s book, “I, Robot.” Believe it or not, I purposedly avoided reading any other reviews of this movie to see if they mention the possible connection of Asimov’s book with this movie. It preceded the film by 12 years, and it’s at least conceivable that producers and writers might have been inspired by the plot, took the idea of the robot laws from the book and dressed it up in at least some of the dialogue. I think there’s also a connection to Artificial Intelligence (AI) in our own time.

The last two stories in Asimov’s book are “Evidence” and “The Evitable Conflict,” both of which seem to be exemplified in “The Creation of the Humanoids.” They’re both about the conflict between robots and humans and how difficult it is to apply the Laws of Robotics, the first of which is that “a robot not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.”

The robots in the film actually create the humanoids with the overall goal of saving the human race from extinction. And they’re programmed to obey the “Prime Law” which prevents them from killing humans. The psychological conflict of Captain Kenneth Cragis (Don Megowan) and Maxine Megan (Erica Elliot) and the rationale the robots supply for what they did both to and for humans echo the Laws of Robotics.

In the movie, the politics of the racist conflict between the robots and the group calling themselves the members of the Order of Flesh and Blood remind me of the Civil War—right down to the uniforms of the latter and their slur for the robots, which is “Clickers” (substitute another two-syllable slur and you get the idea).

In Asimov’s story “The Evitable Conflict,” something called the Machine takes control of a variety of factors manipulating natural resources, goods, services, and even the social fabric on the planet to protect humans, who have a penchant for overusing and destroying resources and each other. The robots in “The Creation of the Humanoids” do something similar and break the fourth wall to tell you about it.

Anyway, Captain Kenneth Cragis is a member of the Order of Flesh and Blood and reminds me of a character in the 2004 movie “I, Robot,” which is Sonny. An important part of Cragis is hidden from the audience as well as himself.

The dialogue is heavily intellectualized and the robots, which are supposed to be blue, wind up showing up in different colors and those eyes! Cragis and his sister, Esme Cragis Milos (Frances McCann) have a protracted and almost poetic discussion about their differences of opinion about the robots. I wonder if McCann’s revealing dress was intended to distract the audience from the dry declamations.

The scene in which Cragis confronts the robot Pax who has somehow chosen Esme to be his main squeeze is puzzling. Cragis sort of breaks Pax (David Cross) and converts him into a ’57 Chevy, which barely upsets Esme. The scene in which Dr. Raven (Don Doolittle), a robotic scientist, makes some adjustments on a disembodied arm is one example of many which proves why even Svengoolie calls this movie “a low budget” production. The furniture pieces look like they’re made for children; both Cragis and Esme might as well have sat on the floor.

Ok, so this sounds more like a review than my usual fibs and jokes, but I think it’s because the movie reminds me of something that is on a grander scale. Speaking of scales, except for the low production value, I thought movie was pretty good and I would give it a 4/5 Shrilling Chicken Rating. Sena, who watched it this morning, thought it was really good and would give it a 5/5 rating despite “the glassy eyeballs.” So, I’ll give it a 4.5/5.

Svengoolie Movie: “The Brides of Dracula”!

Svengoolie Intro: “Calling all stations! Clear the air lanes! Clear all air lanes for the big broadcast!”

It’s almost Christmas and while I was watching the Svengoolie movie “The Brides of Dracula” last night, it struck me that the chief vampire Baron Meinster’s eyes reminded me of holly berries. Yo, Hondo, somebody needs to break out the Extra Strength Visine!

You probably don’t remember the sequels to this film:

The Rides of Dracula, about a vampire’s collection of fancy horse drawn carriages; he’s sort of like the Jay Leno of wealthy car collectors.

The Double Wides of Dracula, about a vampire who’s the landlord of a mobile home park and charges extravagant “rent” (several pints of blood).

Just to clarify, despite the title of the 1960 British bloodsucker movie from Hammer Film Productions, the boss biter is not played by Christopher Lee (because he wanted too much money) but by David Peel so he’s not Dracula but both vampires roll their bloodshot eyes at every girl they meet.

What’s refreshing about this flick is Baron Meinster the monster actually talks, which Dracula didn’t. In fact, Meinster is articulate and suave, as befitting the wealthy nobleman who just happens to sharpen his fangs on the necks of pretty girls.

And Peel actually gets a sarcastically funny line you might miss unless you listen closely. It’s when Baron Meinster meets the headmaster of the Transylvania School for Ladies Who Want to Cultivate Longer Teeth. Herr Otto Lang (Henry Oscar) gets his comeuppance after he threatens to throw Baron Meinster (whose real identity is at first unknown to him) off the school property when he comes to woo the new teacher Marianne Danielle (Yvonne Monlaur). But after the gracious Meinster reveals who he is, which is the baron who owns the property on which the school sits (after which Herr Lang abruptly changes his tone), the baron reminds Lang that his school does a great job “for such low rent.”

There’s a fair bit of comedy in the few scenes in which a local country medical man, Dr. Tobler (Miles Malleson) meets Dr. Van Helsing (Peter Cushing). When Tobler reads Van Helsing’s business card, he discovers that Van Helsing is a doctor of many disciplines—except medicine. Earlier, Dr. Tobler prepares a quackery-type vaporizer steam therapy home remedy for himself, which includes myrrh of all things. It turns out you can inhale things like frankincense and myrrh via vaporizer; it sounds so three-wisemen-Christmasy that it fits the season!

On the other hand, Dr. Tobler doesn’t buy Van Helsing’s vampire explanation for why so many villagers are dying (in the undead sense), though he is open to taking a cut of the fees for applying the usual remedies like stakes, garlic, crucifixes, and the occasional self-branding with hot coals that goes way beyond vaporizers.

The bats look arthritic, but other than that the movie is OK. I give it a 2.5/5 Shrilling Chicken rating.

Svengoolie Movie: “Duel” Roaring Road Rage!

Svengoolie Intro: “Calling all stations! Clear the air lanes! Clear all air lanes for the big broadcast!”

Well, we watched the 1971 film “Duel” on the Svengoolie show last night. This was Sena’s second time seeing it and it was my first time watching this truly gripping movie, which was either Steven Spielberg’s first or second feature-length directing effort, depending on whether you believe Wikipedia or Artificial Intelligence (AI).

It started off as a TV movie and was later made into a movie for theaters, although it was inspired by a short story of the same name by Richard Matheson about a man vs machine cat and mouse game, published in a 1971 issue of Playboy. You can find copies of Matheson’s full story on the web, which is puzzling given copyright laws, but I guess some people are getting away with it.

Anyway, Dennis Weaver starred David Mann as a traveling salesman or maybe it was the rust bucket satanic semi-tanker truck which hunts Mann (a name that makes me think of “man” in the general sense of humankind) down on dusty two-lane highways through the California desert in an apparent act of the worst road rage you ever saw, triggered by Mann simply passing it.

At first, I wondered if there was any person actually driving the truck; maybe it was just a driverless demon truck. But on occasion you see a guy’s arm waving to allow Mann to pass him although one time this was into the path of an oncoming car coming from the opposite direction.

Early in the movie, I thought Mann’s radio in his car, which is a Plymouth Valiant (does the car model’s name Valiant signify something?) there is a goofy-sounding radio question and answer show with some guy complaining about a census question asking who is the head of household. The guy sounds really insecure and he obsesses about not being the head of household because he’s not the breadwinner because his wife is, and I think this set the stage for one of the ideas behind the movie, which is male anxiety about not being the “man of the family” and, by extension, this might point to nagging doubts in general about masculinity and the place of men in society.

This is typically where the TV commercials appear with Frank Thomas and Doug Flutie pushing Nugenix Total-T man-boosting snake oil elixir, guaranteed to grow your package 10 times “normal” size, which should make you ask what was going on with those Popeye cartoons in which he swells up after wolfing down a can of spinach and kicks Bluto’s ass followed by Olive Oyl swooning over him.

This radio program almost counts as a character in the film because almost everything that happens afterward is about who is more of a man—Mann or machine. Is that why some of us are anxious about AI?

By the way, were it not for Svengoolie pointing it out, I would never have noticed that what looks like a highway patrol car, which Mann swerves toward but avoids at the last second is actually a pest control vehicle with the name of the company “Grebleips Pest Control”—which is Spielberg spelled backwards.

One of my favorite scenes is the roadside café where Mann gets paranoid about all the guys in there wearing boots similar to those he saw when the guy driving the truck gets out and walks around. The boots are the only parts visible. There are several boot-wearing guys in the café who act like typical non-Nugenix Triple Total Titanic-T needing men who talk with their mouths full, drink beer, scratch their scrotums, and snicker at Mann—who just wants aspirin. He neurotically wonders which one he should confront and when he does—it’s the wrong guy.

I don’t want to overfocus on it but when the radiator hose fails and steam billows all over, engine temperature rising leading to Mann’s car slowing down, overheating and actually shutting down while the raging truck chases him, Mann is able to restart his car. Is that even mechanically possible? I think he stopped, shifted to neutral and coasted for a while, but he never stopped to make temporary repairs. By the way, is it true you can crack an egg over a busted radiator hose as a stopgap fix?

Would taking a dose of Nugenix Whopping Hairy Total-T help at all? Would a satanic truck politely quit chasing you long enough to allow you to do that? Did Mann buy any groceries at the roadside rattlesnake place including eggs?

Is Nugenix Whopping Whackadoodle Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris Plays Jenga with Stonehenge Totally Triple T enough to reverse what is happening to American males so that we can see the sequel to Duel—which would be Double Dammit Duel?

Don’t answer that. In any case, I think this is a pretty cool movie and I give it a Shrilling Chicken Rating of 5/5.

Florida Man News!

We saw the news story about the Florida Man who recently got busted by the cops in Ormond, Florida after he stole a BMW and when he was stopped for going 130 mph (about 5 mph over the local speed limit), he thanked the police for saving him from the extraterrestrials who evidently had teleported him into the BMW. Well, that explains everything!

This is just further evidence on top of what has already been thoroughly documented by Dave Barry in his 2016 documentary book, “Best State Ever; A Florida Man Defends His Homeland.”

Did you hear about the blackout in Florida?

People were stuck on the escalators for 4 hours.

I used to have a ton of Dave Barry books. I got hooked on his humor shortly after I graduated from Iowa State University back in the 1980s. I was in a post graduate program in Medical Technology in a Des Moines hospital and back then you could always find a newspaper on some tables in the cafeteria.

Over the years, I lost many of his books during moves. Sena would ask me something like “Do you really still want all these Dave Barry books?” I knew better than to say “These are very important examples of timeless prose exemplifying humor literature that will be excavated in the distant future by archaeologists who will preserve them in hermetically sealed glass bookcases so people can admire the covers.”

I just threw them out. Please don’t tell Dave.

Anyway, I have managed to preserve a photo of Florida Woman, taken in Miami many years ago. Let this be a lesson to you: never call your wife “Florida Woman” unless you want to live the rest of your life in a refrigerator packing box—although you can use duct tape to seal off those cracks to keep the wind and snow out.

Did you know there’s a song titled “Florida Man”? Believe it or not I heard it a couple of years ago on the Big Mo Blues Show on KCCK radio. It’s by Selwyn Birchwood who is from—that’s right, Tampa, Florida. The song was released by—you guessed it, Alligator Records.

And here’s Iowa Man:

Jim with 48 inch pusher plow shovel and new coveralls

Upcoming Svengoolie Movie: “Duel”

So, the upcoming Svengoolie film is “Duel” which I’ve never seen before but Sena has—and she says it’s pretty good! She even plans to watch it. It was released in 1971 and stars Dennis Weaver. Steven Spielberg directed it. According to Svengoolie, it did so well on TV it was also released in theaters.

It’s about this Fuller Brush man who just happens to have the name David Mann (Fuller Brush “Mann,” get it?) who’s driving across the country trying to find anyone who’ll buy brushes and things like car wax which he tries to sell to a long haul trucker who doesn’t think much of the quality of the wax which turns out to be nothing but beeswax which is often used as a finish on cribbage boards like the Cribbage Wars board we’re supposed to get sometime this evening from Ebonwood, which is a store in Appleton, Wisconsin. Anyway, the long-haul trucker gets really mad about this overpriced beeswax and transforms into a massive Bigfoot with a chauffeur’s license and a huge truck full of frozen fruitcake which he’s hauling to the only state, Massachusetts, in the U.S. which allows fruitcake to be used as construction material because, let’s face it, nobody in their right mind is going to eat that stuff and people are known to mail each other moldy fruitcake every Christmas for years on end as a beloved but truly warped tradition that has led to laws in some jurisdictions which penalize this practice heavily, even imposing life sentences to hard labor consisting of trying to cut this fruitcake, which is, not to pun-alize you, a “fruitless” exercise because it’s hard as rock. Well, this raging Bigfoot truck driver rams all 16 gears of his massive truck into overdrive, which makes the truck completely shut down, making it necessary for him to put on his neon green jogging suit and chase David Mann all the way to a run-down Dairy Queen that…OK, so the movie probably doesn’t go exactly like that, but you should watch it anyway.

Svengoolie Movie: “The Mummy’s Tomb”

Svengoolie Intro: “Calling all stations! Clear the air lanes! Clear all air lanes for the big broadcast!”

I watched the Svengoolie movie “The Mummy’s Tomb the other night. This is the first time I’ve ever seen a mummy movie (unless you count the one in which Brendan Fraser appeared in 1999 and I didn’t pay much attention) and most of the hour-long film shared my TV screen with the local weather report, which happens sometimes. This time it was about the snowfall, which dumped 5 inches on Iowa City. We spent about a couple of hours clearing it the following day with the help of Sena’s favorite tool, the cordless electric snow shovel and me with the brand new 48’ snow pusher plow.

Anyway, “The Mummy’s Tomb” is a relatively short movie made in 1942 and starred Lon Chaney as Kharis the mummy. He had no lines because he had to keep mum, evidently. There was plenty of stock footage from “The Mummy’s Hand,” released in 1940. Just so you know, I’m aware of the 1932 film “The Mummy” with Boris Karloff as the mummy, but I’m not planning to watch it unless, of course, it appears on the Svengoolie show.

There’s this character named Babe in “The Mummy’s Tomb” who evidently was also in “The Mummy’s Hand” and the two had different last names and the 1942 version of Babe was more serious.

This movie is a sequel to “The Mummy’s Hand” and they killed off Kharis in that one but resurrected him in “The Mummy’s Tomb” although didn’t give the monster new bandages. Kharis limps around and never uses his right arm early in the show yet is nimble enough to carry Isobel Evans (Elyse Knox) in his right arm while climbing a flower trellis. This is the first clue that Kharis had a personal trainer and despite being thousands of years old, he perked right up after only one bottle of Nugenix Total-T thanks to Frank Thomas and Doug Flutie.

Hey, remember Flutie’s historic last second 64-yard Hail Mary pass to Gerard Phelan in the end zone in the 1984 Boston College vs Miami game? It’s not mummified ancient history, but it’s more fun to watch than this movie!

Where was I? Oh yeah, it was difficult to tell if Isobel fully appreciated this because she fainted as soon as she saw Kharis and remained pretty much unconscious the whole time Kharis was carrying her around (so much for Frank’s “she’ll like it too” promise).

The funny thing is Mehemet Bey (Turhan Bey) doesn’t get this because he develops a huge crush on Isobel and orders Kharis to fetch her for him. This happens more than halfway through the film but until then, Mehemet’s main goal was to get revenge on the guys who were responsible for “killing” Kharis the first time around. Mehemet has the power to control Kharis, yet pulls a gun on John Banning (John Hubbard) who is the son of Prof. Stepen Banning who started the whole business of desecrating the tomb of Kharis and can by god whip John any day of the week in a game of checkers.

This turns out to be a wrong move because the sheriff just shoots Mehemet, and that’s the end of the boss of Kharis.

The smartest person in the movie is Professor Norman (Frank Reicher) who figures out what the substance is on the throats of Kharis’s victims (myrrh, cedar oil, Nugenix-Total T) proving that these items were used in the embalming process of mummies, thus proving that even scientists can be guilty of fraud.

So, there you have it. Towards the end of the movie, Kharis learns how to play checkers and whips the pants off John Banning. So there, only one spoiler in this review of a movie which I would give a 2/5 shrilling chicken rating.

Men in Black 5 a Thing Now?

I just saw something on the web which look like Men in Black 5 could be for real. Supposedly, maybe, I dunno—but I hope so.

It may be more than a rumor, but there are doubts about whether Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones will reprise their roles as Agents K & J respectively. Sony Pictures may or may not be confirming this depending on what article you read. Maybe somebody is drafting a script but I’m not sure.

I can’t confirm whether Frank the talking pug will be in it, but I doubt it because I think he passed away. Agent K will get around pretty well in a plutonium powered mobility scooter and Agent J will take Serutan (remember, that’s Natures spelled backward!) just before pressing the little red button.

Serleena will not stick her 3-foot-long green tongue into Agent K’s ear. I can never stand to watch that part.

Yours truly might be involved—but I really can’t say at this time because I’m still negotiating my contract.

Thank you for your time.

Svengoolie Movie List for December 2025 and a Quiz Question!

This is partly just an announcement of the Svengoolie show movie lineup for the month of December.

But more importantly, there’s a quiz question to see if you can name the movie the shrilling chicken’s question “What the heck is it, Edgar?” comes from in the featured image above.

There are no real prizes for coming up with the right answer. You’ll just have to use your imagination here. According to the picture below, if you get it right you can imagine getting the first place prize, which is a shrilling chicken.

You can imagine getting the 2nd place prize if you name something other than the right answer which is only partially correct (for example, naming something that has the name “Edgar” in it but is otherwise wrong). The 2nd place prize is a picture of a vintage calculator I used to have which could work for a very long time on a couple of AA batteries (over a decade!). I bought this old Sharp ELSI MATE EL-505 back around 1980 when I went to college at Iowa State University in Ames, Iowa. You can find them on eBay if you really want to do more than just imagine getting a prize. When we bought the new calculator, I think I threw the old one out, probably because it didn’t work even after replacing the batteries.

You can imagine getting the 3^rd place prize if you can’t make a guess at all. This is something that is still being sold by certain auto parts stores, like AutoZone ($5). It’s a wire spark plug gap gauge and adjustment tool. I used it a long time ago. I couldn’t find it in my toolbox but there’s a short video showing how to use it.

While I was out looking for the wire spark plug gauge tool, I found what I think was another type of tool called a feeler gauge. You can use it to measure spark plug gaps and other kinds of clearances. It’s got some rust on it so you could imagine cleaning it up a little but it’s not a prize level item.

Answer to the quiz question (don’t peek if you’re not done reading the post!): It’s from the movie Men in Black (1997). Beatrice asks her husband Edgar “What the heck is it, Edgar?” when he goes out to investigate a loud explosion caused by a spaceship crash landing in their yard.

Bigfoot Snow Removal Service!

We got about 9 inches of snow over the weekend and we’re set to get a few more inches today. People have to work pretty hard to get the snow off their sidewalks because Iowa City has some pretty strict rules about it. If you don’t get that snow removed from your sidewalk “down to the concrete” the city will do it for you—for a stiff price.

You got 24 hours’ notice for your first violation. If you don’t get it done in 24 hours, the city will fine you a penalty of however much it costs to remove the snow plus a $100 administrative fee.

You’ll be glad to know there’s a way to prevent this from happening to you. All you need to do is contact Bigfoot Snow Removal Service. They don’t have a phone number because they don’t technically exist, but that’s only what the city will tell you.

Bigfoot Snow Removal does not have a telephone connection nor a website but there’s a way to get around that. All you need to do is find a big stick and knock really hard on a nearby tree. You have to knock 3 times just like Tony Orlando and Dawn sang the song and do it like you mean it.

Then grab a big bucket and fill it up with a lot of meat. Beef jerky is good but if you don’t have it, use anything you got on hand, even Wagyu beef. I can’t help it if you paid a lot of money for it, just be glad you can get it in America. Even though 10 pounds of it can set you back over $1000, just keep thinking about how much the city will charge you to clear your sidewalk.

Set the bucket of Wagyu or whatever out in your front yard. You can set up a critter cam if you want to make sure it’s Bigfoot fetching it and not your neighbor. However, it’s only fair to warn you that because Bigfoot is an interdimensional creature (that’s why nobody’s ever found fossils or seen baby Bigfoots) you’ll never capture any footage of Bigfoot. Oh, people pass off amateur videos claiming Bigfoot posed for them and you’ll see them on TV shows, but that’s just a government plot to distract you from the price of Wagyu beef.

The nice thing about Bigfoot Snow Removal is that they bring their own snow shovels. None of them have snow blowers because they would have to go to the hardware store and buy them. That would just cause a panic because people would faint and have to go to the emergency room and then Bigfoot hunters would start setting traps, looking for tracks and making plaster casts of them which invariably turn out to be bear or collecting animal poop that is always from raccoons, playing practical jokes and whatnot.

Just shovel your walks.

Svengoolie Movie: “Devil Doll”

Svengoolie Intro: “Calling all stations! Clear the air lanes! Clear all air lanes for the big broadcast!”

Well, I watched the Svengoolie movie, “Devil Doll” last night and was that creepy! It’s a British 1964 film directed and produced by Lindsay Shonteff (although I don’t know him from Adam. What do you take me for, a legit movie reviewer?).

Anyway, I noticed right away that I recognized one of the stars, William Sylvester (Mark English) who played a reporter trying to figure out what gives with the Great Vorelli (Bryant Halliday) a really sleazy ventriloquist and hypnotist whose stage act includes stealing Mark’s girlfriend Marianne (Yvonne Romain) and humiliating his dummy Hugo in front of an audience full of well-to-do people who smoke unfiltered cigarettes like they were going out of style.

Anyway, William Sylvester starred as Dr. Heywood Floyd in the 1968 blockbuster film 2001: A Space Odyssey. Who can forget the scene of him puzzling over the long sheet of instructions for using the Zero Gravity Toilet! I don’t think there’s a free copy of it, so it’ll set you back at least twelve bucks.

But what a contrast between the elegantly cryptic Heywood Floyd and Mark English, who is a hard-nosed, cynical journalist trying to figure out whether there’s a little guy inside the Great Vorelli’s wooden dummy Hugo, mainly because Hugo can get up and walk, even sing and dance a few show tunes like Puttin on the Ritz better than Frankenstein’s monster in you-know-which movie! Mark even gets an opportunity to examine Hugo using a set of Stanley tools, x-rays, and X-Acto knives but doesn’t get any reaction from the dummy unless you count a little sawdust.

But the tough-minded Mark gets a surprise visit from Hugo who gives him a few tips on woodworking and a hint that there’s more to him than sawdust.

The Great Vorelli has a master plan and hypnotizes Marianne which leads to a pretty complicated plot twist which involves the hypnotist learning ancient techniques for messing around with peoples’ souls which Dr. Heller (Karel Stepanek) dismisses in favor of a clinical diagnosis of catalepsy (although he didn’t directly imply Marianne was cataleptic) when Mark tries to convince him that Marianne’s personality change and delirious appearance was brought about by Vorelli.

You can check the catalepsy comment on a 16mm film of the full movie at about 1:05:40.

This catalepsy reference fascinated me because I’m a retired psychiatrist and I’ve seen patients with the syndrome. I guess there were no expert consultants available to the director.

There is a fight scene between Hugo and the Great Vorelli, full of switchblade knives, a hybrid chess boxing match, and tag team with Chuck Norris although the roundhouse kick was ineffective.

You didn’t think there’d be spoilers, did you? There were a lot of ventriloquist dummy jokes during the Svengoolie show and my featured image is my stab at it. Anyway, the ending is surprising.