Category: humor

Final Chapter on the Pella Bottom Door Seal Saga

Today, we finally got the right bottom of the door weather seal—only not from Pella. We gave up on them after they crapped out after the third try to ship us the right seal. The third one was an even worse failure than the second. It was 51 inches long and the barbs were not spaced right.

I got transferred to a Pella Corporation supervisor who told me that the issue should have been handed to their service department long before it got so far into this circus of mistakes. So supposedly, the supervisor contacted the service department—who never contacted us. Apparently, the supervisor didn’t stay on the case to ensure we got the right item because we never heard back.

Pella just dropped us.

We finally found Hass Wholesale in South Bend, Indiana (update 3/4/2024: no longer has a website, apparently). The story is a little complicated. Evidently, Pella manufactured the bottom door seal we needed at an Ohio factory until around 2010 or so and then shut down the factory.

On the other hand, the invoice on the item we got from Cloud Brothers Wholesale LLC (evidently associated with Hass) identified it as “Pella-Pease 2/8 Bottom Sweep from (2001-2014 5/8” Kerf.” UPS delivered it.

The Pease company also makes their own door seals which would have fit our Pella door. They even call it a Pella seal. But they manufacture them and have nothing to do with Pella. They also don’t make them in the 32-inch length.

Both Pease and Hass sell Pella bottom drive on door seals just like the one we needed. I think Hass gets some of them from Pease. I don’t know what relationship they might have with Pella. Pella never commented on one of our messages indicating we were aware of Hass Wholesale inventory containing an item Pella apparently was not able to find in their own inventory.

Enough of them were available such that Hass Wholesale was able to ship us the right item 3 days after we ordered it.

Pella Corporation in Iowa fumbled the ball repeatedly for more than a month.  

We give Hass Wholesale two thumbs up for a job well done. On the other hand, Pella Corporation customer service representatives (in Pella, Iowa no less) while friendly, couldn’t get the job done at all. Pella gets two thumbs down.

Of course, we were nervous about installing the seal, but it looked almost exactly like the old one and the measurements were spot on. The barbs didn’t run the whole length of the seal, but they really didn’t need to be that long. The important thing is that they were 5/8’’ center on center wide to fit the kerfs.

We were a little hesitant about doing the job today, because there’s a Heat Advisory (temperatures up to 105 degrees) and we had to take the entry door off the hinges and air condition the garage so to speak.

There was not much effort other than I used a rubber mallet to help drive the seal securely into the kerfs. I also hammered a couple of small nails into both ends. I didn’t need to adjust the height of the threshold. The door closed securely and the seal was snug.

We had to push towels against the entry door bottom for weeks and worried about bugs and energy bills, waiting for Pella to send us the right seal. We don’t have to do that now.

I have no idea how many people actually replace their bottom of the door seals. I wish them luck if they are on Pella doors. You might want to just go with Hass Wholesale to save time.

We Are in Hot Water!

We have a new water heater today! What a relief. We spent a whole week on pins and needles waiting for the hot water to stop flowing again (maybe abruptly), and put us back on the cold shower regimen.

But the plumber was in and out in 2 hours flat. He was personable, knowledgeable, efficient, fast, and neat. He even put down drop cloths to keep the floors clean as he carted the old tank out and the new one in.

He gave us a quick rundown on the controls. They look easier to read and adjusting the temperature is simple—just turn a dial. The old one had a confusing light array. If you didn’t press them in just the right order, you could end up like a lobster being prepared for dinner.

There is an LED light on the control box and there are more than a dozen System Status Code sequences and they all mean something different. One is called “Heartbeat” (alternates bright and dim) and the control status description is “Call for Heat (no fault conditions).” I guess that means I call the plumber whenever I want hot water, which sounds a little inconvenient, but that’s how these newfangled gadgets are.

He was good with a joke, too. When we were discussing the controls and the LED indicator light, I asked him how we would know if something is wrong. On cue, he quipped, “You won’t have hot water.” I think he’s told that one about a million times. I’ll give him a call when the Heartbeat LED blinks.

Of course, we got an owner’s manual. It clearly states that the manual “must remain with water heater.” There was no manual with the old water heater when we moved in a couple of years ago.

It’s a pretty big deal to get a new water heater. If you have a young family, you generally have to give up your first born as collateral to cover the cost. That’s why you want to check your insurance coverage. In general, it’s a bad idea to try robbing banks to boost your finances.

The water heater is energy efficient, with an Energy Star label on the tank. It also has an ECO (Energy Cut Off) system that will shut off the water heater if the water temperature is too high.

There is a thorough Troubleshooting Guidelines section which includes Corrective Actions. A couple of them sound kind of Scary: “Combustion Odors,” and “Sizzling, Rumbling Noises.” Funny, I would think the Corrective Action would be to head for a hotel on the other side of town and don’t pack any bags. But it doesn’t mention that.

Anyway, we’re very pleased to be in hot water.

Exercise for Brain Health

University of Iowa research shows that exercise could help for protecting us against Alzheimer’s disease. After age 65, our risk for this category of dementia doubles every 5 years.

Even if scientists develop effective and safe senolytic compounds that could allow us to live to be 200 years old, that won’t be happening in the near future. There’s another way to help prevent Alzheimer’s disease.

Exercise can lower the risk for Alzheimer’s disease, especially some form of aerobic exercise.

When it comes to exercise, any exercise is better than none.

Sena and the KFC Recipe

Sena found that leaked Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) 11 herbs and spices recipe on the web. It was published in the August 19, 2016 on line edition of the Chicago Tribune story, “KFC recipe revealed? Tribune shown family scrapbook with 11 herbs and spices,” by Jay Jones. It was said to have come from the Sanders’ family scrapbook.

It calls for white pepper which we’ve never tried. The recipe has been a top secret for years, but every so often there’s a news item will pop up saying that it has been leaked to the public.

You’ll also see “copycat” recipes on the web which claim to replicate the KFC taste. It’s important that the Chicago Tribune story clearly stated that the recipe was not written in the Colonel’s handwriting. Nobody knows who wrote it. There has been more than one anecdote about the recipe being found or revealed accidentally on purpose.

We don’t have a pressure cooker. Sena prepared it, following the recipe to the letter and fried it in a tabletop cooker.

It was delicious. But we both agreed that it didn’t have that KFC taste. We think the occasional stories about leaked recipes from the Colonel are entertaining and mainly a clever publicity stunt.

I don’t really notice much of a taste to the white pepper, but then my palate is not as refined as Sena’s. She could even detect the oregano.

Maybe it’s the 11 herbs and spices that make KFC chicken so special. Maybe it’s the pressure cooker.

I think KFC uses alien chickens.

“Take me to your spice rack”

Be Quiet and Pay Attention!

I think it was last week that I got this thought about getting attention compared to paying attention. At first, I thought it was original. Hey, did I really just come up with that idea? The see-saw nature of it appealed to me. I write this blog partly to get attention. But I notice that when I pay attention and focus on what I’m writing, it’s more fun.

I quickly gave up the thought that I came up with the idea. I think the context was a little discouragement about the really low traffic to my blog. Now, I’m not just saying that to get more attention—although it does sound like that. And I really appreciate the visits I get from readers!

I searched the web for more about the get attention vs pay attention thing because I was pretty sure I didn’t come up with it but just forgot where I first heard about it.

The funny thing is that what first came to mind was the Men in Black (MIB) scene in which Agent J’s elementary schoolteacher Mrs. Edelson is displayed on the big monitor at MIB headquarters. It turns out she’s actually an alien and she’s crabbing at the class, “…Be quiet and pay attention!” I’ve searched for the YouTube clip but all I found were two: one deleted scene in which her rage at the class went up like a bomb and was way overdone and the other which was blurry and the audio was terrible.

Anyway, you get the idea. Of course, I also found the TED Talk by actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt about paying attention vs getting attention, “How craving attention makes you less creative.”

I think his point is spot on about social media being a big part of the push for many of us to crave attention. I used to have accounts on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn but dropped them years ago because I got almost no traffic. I’m still on YouTube, which has low traffic but which I have fun with because I like making funny little videos. I also made teaching videos back when I was a consulting psychiatrist at University of Iowa Hospitals & Clinics.

I get hardly any traffic on my current blog (which I’ve had for about 3 years) and I get a little frustrated with that. However, I like to write so I’m probably going to hang on to it for a while. I had a previous blog that lasted for about 7 years. It also never got more than a modest number of followers.

When I’m paying attention to what I’m writing about, it may not get any views but I get more satisfaction from writing them. I do my best writing when I’m just having fun doing it. I get a kick out of writing. But then I wonder why I’m not getting any views.

I think the see-saw aspect of paying vs getting attention is normal. So, I should pay more attention to Mrs. Edelson.

Countdown to Hot Water Heater Replacement

Well, even though our hot water heater was temporarily fixed, there is no guarantee that it won’t fail again between now and later this week. That’s when we’re scheduled to have the new water heater installed

That will cost approximately 10 billion dollars. This item will be the major selling point for our house because we’ll have to sell it immediately in order to move to the poor house.

We have insurance of course. We know what our deductible will be, although we’re not exactly sure how much the insurance company will pay. Maybe they’ll want to know whether we tried to “fix” the water heater first.

Technically, we did that although it could go out again during a shower. That could mean a trip to the emergency room for treatment of rapid hypothermia including surgical removal of icicles from various bodily orifices.

There may be an upside to that. Flash freezing could mean we could preserve ourselves for the future when scientists figure out how to slow down or even stop the aging process.

In fact, that reminds me; Sena saw a news item indicating that there may be a class of medications called “senolytics” that could allow humans to live up to 200 years.

The article doesn’t say what kind of shape you’d be in around that age. What are the implications for retirement age? Would that have to be postponed until you’re over a century old? What would it be like to be that old? Maybe we could ask certain entertainers who are making a living in Branson, Missouri.

How much would senolytics cost at the pharmacy? Probably about 10 billion dollars per pill.

How about extending the working life of water heaters?

My Plan for the Unidentified Frying Objects!

We have to get the UFO thing under control, and it’s going to take more than mass produced tin foil hats. I watched a couple of paranormal shows the other night and saw The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch and The Proof is Out There hosted by Tony Harris.

I poke fun at The Secret of Skinpicker Ranch and The 200 Proof Moonshine is Out There, but not in malice. It’s because they are funny. Just to let you know, I think they’re both pretty good entertainment, although I favor The Proof is Out There because of the skeptical approach.

As usual, Tony and his experts politely debunked a few alleged paranormal phenomena and used a sense of humor doing it. I’m still not sure why Tony calls the current series the Skinwalker Edition. He never really investigates what the skin picker cast members are up to, which usually involves saying “What the bleep” after seeing the odd orb or two and occasionally having fainting spells.

I think Tony gets green screened into a couple of pictures and videos of the Skinpicker Ranch in northern Utah where it’s located and politely comments about what the cast is up to on the show. I cannot understand why an astrophysicist, Travis Taylor, is on the show, other than to try to give it credibility for the pseudoscientific approach. However, Dragon (played by Bryant Arnold), who is just a security guard, gets more camera time than Taylor.

That said, I think it’s way past time to get a better understanding of these Unidentified Frying Objects (UFOs). We’re talking about an astral chicken here, who is anatomically altered to function as its own wormhole vortex. I think the White House has been aware of the alien poultry cloaca portal vanguard (APCPV) for decades.

There are not enough tin foil hats to go around, people. Besides, they are a waste of good aluminum foil wrapping paper, which should be reserved for the resistance fighters when it comes time to roast the invaders. Don’t blame me when you get caught; you’ve been warned.

What we really need is a large coop to confine these galactic free range cluckmeisters. We need to toss the so-called Unidentified Frying Objects, which are actually alien cloaca black hole benders, into the skillet and add poultry seasoning. You want them to be golden brown.

It’s important to be committed to the goal, even when their hired thug abductors which commonly look like little green men (the small grays are the custodians). The abductors tend to be easily tricked into setting you free if you find a decent BBQ rib joint for them. Jimmy Jack’s Rib Shack in Iowa City is a good choice. They also do chicken.

You’re welcome.

May the Force Be With the Qualified Plumber

Well, after 5 grueling weeks of icy cold showers, a qualified plumber—oh wait, you guys already know our hot water heater croaked just last Friday. And the plumber fixed it in a jiffy on Monday—miraculous.

So, the cold shower ordeal lasted only 3 days. But those were really dreadfully, awfully, cosmically cold shower days.

I don’t know what he did other than to clean the burner and re-ignite it. But it must have been a special cleaning method using Obi Wan Kenobi moves and a spell, “These aren’t the droid reigniters you’re looking for.”

Anyway, he walked in without anyone else with him and wasn’t carrying a new hot water heater on his back. That said two things to us. He was not a technician in training and he was very confident he could get our water heater working again. And he did.

On the other hand, he did carry a very large pack on his back, and I wondered if just maybe there was a little old jedi in it. Maybe Yoda was hiding in there, ready to encourage the plumber to concentrate more deeply if necessary, “The burner clean. Yes, hrrrm.”

We were impressed and didn’t even ask him about his qualifications. We know what can happen when you ask questions like that.

Clean Version

Although he couldn’t tell us how long the fix would last, he did tell us the approximate price of a new water heater. I got the urge to take another cold shower as a countershock. But I resisted. And the plumber didn’t give a hard sell.

Anyway, he’ll get back to us with a quote. Until then, we’re hoping the cold shower days are gone.

Nature Walk with Rare Broochaprankumus Species

The other day Sena and I went on a nature walk at the Terry Trueblood Recreation Area. There’s a lot of Mullein growing out there. It’s a pretty invasive prairie type plant. It’s said to have medicinal uses, but don’t eat it.

The tree swallow chicks have all fledged. We didn’t see any water fowl but the red wing blackbirds were raising a ruckus.

There were many common butterflies like Monarchs and Black Swallowtails.

And there were a few rare species—compliments of Sena’s brooches, which you view for the first time ever in our video.

New Manual Dual Wheel Edger!

We were out doing yard work today. I usually do the edging with an old-fashioned manual edger to trim grass off the sidewalk to get a cleaner look. I think that’s difficult to achieve with a gas or electric powered trimmer. Sena did some extra mowing with the reel mower, which is also not a power machine—unless you count muscle power.

My edger has lasted about 12 years. I’ve used it for so long, I can’t tell what company made it anymore. The label is rubbed off. It had a 15-year guarantee, but I’m not chasing that one down. Today I noticed the job was a lot harder. I had to keep stopping because the blades kept getting stuck.

When I finally took a closer look at the tool, I noticed that the rubber was cracked and about to fall off the wheel next to the blade. I was able to finish the job, but had to run out to buy a new edger before the next time.

Menards had one. The brand was Yardworks, which I’ve never heard of. It cost about $45 with tax. I thought that was steep and can’t remember how much the old one cost. I suppose the price can go up a bunch over a couple of decades, but I wondered if I could get it cheaper at Lowes.

I drove over there only to find out that the salesmen barely knew what I was talking about. All they had were gas or electric powered models and I knew they weren’t edgers. They were trimmers.

So, I had to drive back over to Menards to buy the Yardworks model. There was a half-dozen left, which tells you how unpopular they are. I noticed something wrong with the first one I picked up. The wheels wouldn’t turn. It was jammed. The second one rolled normally. That’s essential. The blades self-sharpen.

Just because they roll doesn’t mean the chore is easy, though. You know you’ve done some work after you edge around the walkways everywhere in the yard. Some people say that’s why only people with postage-stamp yards should use a manual edger.

There’s a video of how to use the Ace model, which looks exactly the same as the Yardworks edger.

The Ace guy in the video says you should edge about every couple of weeks or so to keep thing looking neat and clean. If you do that you could end up looking like I did at one time. When my quads got so huge, they were flopping over my knees which made it difficult to put my pants on, I cut back on the edging to 2 or 3 times a season.

Sena and I both worked pretty hard in the hot sun today. This is day 3 of the hot water heater failure—meaning cold showers for me. She had decided to try sponge baths until today. So, she took a cold shower instead of a sponge bath.

She’ll unthaw by tomorrow.