Go Retire Psychiatrist

I’m having a dental breakdown. Over the weekend, one of my crowns popped out while I was flossing. What do you think about that? Trying to do something healthy for my teeth and I had to see a dentist about the hazards of flossing.

Flossing doesn’t usually hurt your teeth, but this reminds me of a something I saw at The University of Iowa Medical Museum. Have you heard of tooth worms? Ages ago, people thought tooth decay was caused by tooth-eating worms. Nowadays, we know better, thanks to Ancient Aliens. The real culprits are extraterrestrial implants of tiny ETs who live inside your teeth. It’s a little cramped, so they tend to get kinked muscles. Kinked muscles are their chief reasons for telling dad jokes. They whisper them softly, like:

“What do you call somebody always contemplating deep questions of dental hygiene? A flossopher.”

“Why did the tooth fairy go to a psychiatrist? Because she no longer believed in herself.”

What’s a dentist’s favorite animal? A molar bear.”

Boy, talk about your dental implants! And then you can’t get them out of your head. I guess that’s better than anal probing.

And that reminds me of a news item I saw about recent research into Dad jokes. The article itself was on a couple of paragraphs, but the author cited a study that was 48 pages long! The title of the study is a little on the long side: “What’s Brown and Sticky? Peering Into the Ineluctable Comedic Mystery of Dad Humor With a Handful of Machine Learning Models, Hundreds of Humans, and Tens of Thousands of Dad Jokes” by Paul Silvia and Meriel I. Burnett. OSF stands for Open Science Framework and I never heard of it. They looked at over 32,000 jokes on Reddit thread for dad Jokes.

The answer to the dad joke in the title is in the abstract:

“A stick, of course. This masterpiece of human creativity is an example of a dad joke, a clean, good-natured joke founded on puns, literalism, and wordplay….”

I didn’t really read it except to try to find all the jokes—forget it, the study is pretty sciency and there’s no room for funny business.

There’s a much faster way to learn about dad Jokes and you don’t have to be a dad to appreciate them. What am I saying? No normal person appreciates dad jokes! All you need to do is to visit the Dad-joke University of Humour (DUH).

You can earn a certificate just like I did and probably know just as much about dad jokes as you would from reading the 48-page article.