sasquatch – Go Retire Psychiatrist

Bigfoot Safari in Iowa!

I suppose you’ve all heard there’s going to be another Iowa Bigfoot search this year sponsored by the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization (BFRO). It’s scheduled for September 18-21, 2025 (Thursday-Sunday). Check the registration details for fees and whatnot—No guns or dogs allowed.

What would Einstein say about the difference between Bigfoot, Yeti, and Sasquatch? They’re all relative.

The announcement as of today doesn’t say where the trip will start yeti (har!). Presumably, the party won’t be anywhere near Dyersville, where the movie “Field of Dreams” was filmed. And if the organizers give this a big enough build-up, the hopeful will come.

And they have showed up for previous events; at least I think so. There have been several such expeditions in recent years. According to the BFRO website, there’ve been 78 sightings of Bigfoot in Iowa.

Bigfoot saw me but no one believed him.

The Wikipedia article on Bigfoot is one of the longest I’ve ever seen. There are over 300 references. Funny, I didn’t see any of my documented sightings even mentioned, not even the classic tree structure in Hickory Hill Park.

How does Bigfoot know what time it is? He checks his sasquatch.

What do you call a Sasquatch who can improvise? An unscripted cryptid.

What do you call a Sasquatch who’s always prepared? A ready Yeti.

What do you call an Italian Bigfoot? A spag-yeti.

What kind of exercise does Bigfoot like? Sasquats.

Bigfoot sightings have been reported from all over the world. You can even see one in Canada caught on camera in this famous documentary from The Red Green Show.

Sasquatch Playing Cards Arrive!

We got our Sasquatch playing card deck! The images of Bigfoot are strikingly similar to the carved image on our new Sasquatch cribbage board. And they both resemble the image of Patty, the female Bigfoot supposedly captured on 16mm film back in 1967 by Bob Gimlin.

That’s the legendary Patterson-Gimlin video of Bigfoot. There are two opposing views on the existence of Bigfoot which I think are probably influenced by Patty.

The TV show, The Proof Is Out There, aired an episode of experts who talked a lot about evidence for Bigfoot. I watched the show, which ran on December 3, 2021. The Daily Mail UK ran a big story about it. I honestly can’t remember what they decided.

On the other hand, there are a few people who claim to know for a fact that a guy has admitted that he put on a stinky monkey suit and played the part of Patty—and said he’s blowing up the whole thing because he never got paid for doing it. That was way back in 2004, and the story is all over the internet.

I tend to be skeptical about most things like Bigfoot and extraterrestrials. I’m not exactly saying they don’t exist.

But why can’t anyone find a corpse, roadkill, or a definite fossil of Sasquatch? Is that why people are starting to call Bigfoot an interdimensional being, coming and going through a wormhole vortex? And why does everybody still pay attention to the tale?

I think it’s because just about everybody likes a good story—which is what Bigfoot has always been.

Is That Patty on Our Sasquatch Cribbage Board?

Sena wondered if anybody ever talks about female Sasquatch creatures. That reminded me that our Sasquatch cribbage board has an image of Bigfoot that looks familiar. I looked up the Patterson-Gimlin video on YouTube. The creature caught on video has been called Patty.

If you compare Patty in the video with the image carved into our cribbage board, there’s a resemblance. At least I think there is. At one point in the video, when Patty looks back at the camera, it looks very much like the carving—at least to me.

Scrub to about 54 seconds into the video and also at 1 minute and 28 seconds.

The Scientific Skinny on Bigfoot

What’s up with this Bigfoot thing? Could it be a few humans with the rarest form of Hypertrichosis (Werewolf Syndrome)? You know, some scientists said that Patty, the hairy creature featured on the Patterson Gimlin film back in the 1960s, was not genuine because she had hairy breasts. Hey, guess what? If a woman has Hypertrichosis she can grow hair anywhere, even on her breasts.

But I guess that would not account for the huge size of Bigfoot. Why would they be seven or eight feet tall? They’re sometimes described as being ferocious carnivores. What would they find to eat in the forests? Deer, maybe. But are they quick enough to catch deer?

Can a 1,000 pound bipedal humanoid chase down a deer? Hey, it’s more likely Bigfoot could be a grazer. Some of the largest animals on the planet eat nothing but grass. Take cows for example. They’re pretty big and they munch on things like grass and frosted mini-wheats—with just a little milk they squeeze from their non-hairy breasts.

That’s a tough skill to master when all you’ve got are hooves. And like some chimpanzees who can learn to crack nuts with big rocks, if cows don’t get the hang of milking themselves by the time they’re a few years old, they just never get it. They’re stuck with trotting to Hy-Vee to get a gallon of two percent.

But sometimes you hear about Bigfoot making these tree structures. That’s what some people call them. They usually don’t look like they amount to much. It’s not like they have a well-defined sun room or even a roof. It’s a stick laying across another stick, unless you’re watching the TV documentary Mountain Monsters. Then they’re split levels or log cabin vacation lodges with a jacuzzi.

And how about the noises that Bigfoot makes? The sounds vary a lot from screams to deep bellows to nasal twangs reminiscent of Willie Nelson singing “You Were Always on My Mind.” Do they have a language of some kind? Or do they just grunt and growl and ask where to get the best beef jerky?

Bigfoot sometimes knocks on trees. I’m not sure why. It could be like knocking on wood for luck, I think. Maybe it’s their music. Knock three times on the big tree if you fear me.

This stuff gets pretty deep after a while. Your thoughts?