Anecdote alert! Sena just got back from shopping and had a priceless little story about shopping for a yardstick for measuring window film to apply on a door window. I suppose I should say that the title of this post is a dad joke that some people might not get.
Sena asked a Menards worker where to find a yardstick. She said the guy looked like he was in his thirties. His English was probably a little rough. He looked puzzled and directed her to the lawn and garden center. She clarified that a yardstick was something like a ruler. He replied that they didn’t carry school supplies.
Another worker was in the same aisle and chuckled. He directed her to where the yardsticks were.
You know, I haven’t seen a yardstick in a long time. We don’t own a ruler although we have a tape measure. Just to let younger people know, a yardstick is typically a piece of wood 36 inches long (which is 3 feet), marked off into inches, and used for measuring things.
The worker who didn’t know what a yardstick was could probably relate to football games because the length of the field is still divided into yards—but only if he’s a football fan, I guess. But you don’t measure distances to a first down on a football field with a yardstick. . Incredibly, they measure it with a chain between two sticks. None of your lasers for the officials.
We had a yardstick in the house where my brother and I grew up. You could also use it to reach stuff that rolled under tables. You could make comparisons by saying “By any yardstick, blah blah.”
And you can make dad jokes about yardsticks. By the way, the company that makes yardsticks won’t be making them any shorter either.
Happy Christmas Eve! Hey, I found all these Dad Jokes on the web. These ought to keep you busy well into New Year’s Eve and beyond. And remember, you don’t have to be a Dad to tell Dad jokes. It might help to attend Dad-joke University of Humour (DUH) though.
Here’s kind of a dad joke about our red Hippeastrum, which bloomed nicely!
And you can hear a dad joke in the Claymation Christmas video below (hint: a taxi is involved).
I want to gas; I mean talk about copyright as it relates to consultation psychiatry or telling dad jokes. By the way, those aren’t the same.
I used to teach medical students and residents how to do certain quick bedside cognitive tests for delirium and dementia. Over the years the instructions about how to administer them (and the restrictions over using them at all) have changed slightly. The major point to make is that they have been copyrighted, which usually means you have to pay to play.
One of them, the Mini Cog, despite being copyrighted, does not require you to pay for the privilege of using it. The video below shows part of it. I didn’t do a comedy bit about the short term recall of 3 objects. The video also flickers when I show the delirium order set; just pause it to stop the flickering.
There used to be a cognitive assessment called the Sweet 16, which started off being non-copyrighted, but then became copyrighted. At first the Sweet 16 mysteriously just disappeared from the internet. You can now download it from the internet, but it’s clearly marked as copyrighted.
The reason the Sweet 16 became unavailable is because a company called Psychological Assessments Resource (PAR) acquired the copyright and then started enforcing it. I found out about this when I could not obtain the PAR version of a cognitive assessment very similar to the Sweet 16 called the Mini Mental State Exam (MMSE) unless I forked over at least $100.
I then started teaching trainees how to use the Montreal Cognitive Assessment (MoCA) because it was free to use without any strings attached. Then it also was copyrighted although you can use it under certain conditions.
Moving right along to telling dad jokes, I found out that dad jokes (and indeed, any joke) can be copyrighted, at least in theory. In fact, it’s hard to enforce the copyright on jokes, even when you can prove originality. Here’s an example of a dad joke I think I made up:
What do you get when you cross marijuana with a Mexican jumping bean? A grasshopper.
Note: this joke may become more important now that the DEA, according to news agencies, plans to reclassify marijuana from Schedule I to III in the near future.
Sena thought it was funny (the joke, not the DEA), which probably means it’s not, technically, a dad joke. That’s according to the authority about dad jokes, Dad-joke University of Humour, (DUH). I’m far from a joke teller at all, as Sena (and anyone else who knows me) would assert. On the other hand, I did graduate from DUH and have a diploma to prove it. You can now give me money.
Furthermore, I also investigated whether something called anti-jokes can be copyrighted. According to the internet, the answer seems to be no. Here’s my attempt of the anti-joke:
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
The doorbell salesman.
See what I did there? In case you didn’t know, experts say that Knock-Knock jokes are among the hardest to copyright for reasons I suggest you look up later. If you also frame the Knock-Knock joke as an anti-joke (stay with me here), the literalness and mundanity of the so-called punch line makes it virtually impossible to copyright. And, like the dad joke, it’s usually not funny—although there can be exceptions.
Just for the sake of incompleteness, I’ll mention the concept of copyleft, which is not the same as open-source. Although this is usually applicable to computer software, you could broaden it to include dad jokes—I think. Copyleft could mean you can use or modify a dad joke (or anti-joke), spread it freely at parties and whatnot as long as it’s bound by some condition. This includes paying me (no personal checks, please).
What pet do inventors have a love-hate relationship with? A copycat.
We just got our upstairs doors picked up by the painters yesterday. They took all the doors off the hinges and taped numbers on them to keep track. They’ll probably finish them and return them by the end of the week. Two guys removed the doors and one of them had a dad joke for me:
“A man was driving along the motorway when he noticed a chicken running alongside his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him, as he was doing 60 mph. He accelerated to 70, and the chicken stayed right next to him. He sped up to 75 mph, but the chicken overtook him.
Then the man noticed that the chicken had three legs. So, he followed the chicken, speeding all the way, and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens on the farm had three legs.
When he spotted the farmer he asked him, “Where did you get these chickens?”
The farmer replied “Well, everybody likes chicken legs, so I bred a three-legged bird. I’m going to be a millionaire.”
The man was impressed and asked him how they tasted. The farmer said, “Don’t know, I haven’t caught one yet.”
Now, he didn’t tell it exactly that way, but it was just as funny. It was the first time I heard the 3-legged chicken story. Of course, as with any sort of hairy dog (hairy chicken?) story, there are different versions of it. I looked this up on the internet and Ronald Reagan told it. It was posted 12 years ago, has 2 million views, 32,000 likes, and about 1800 comments.
I wonder if that painter will tell me the 3-legged pig joke when he comes back?
I went out to the mall yesterday and it was fun. I tried a Chick-fil-A sandwich for the first time ever. I got there at just the right time, after the noon lunch crowd thinned out. You get these waffle fries that are actually pretty good. The chicken sandwich is moist and delicious. I love the big photos outside the restaurant. I get the biggest kick out of the “Eat Mor Chikin” jokes.
I also flipped through a few Dad Jokes books. I think Dad Jokes are really funny. One of the books had a legal warning in it on the copyright page that sounded like the publisher would come after you if you repeated the jokes anywhere.
I thought you were supposed to tell jokes, not keep them to yourself. Besides that, the sale price on the book was almost $18. Hey, do yourselves a favor and google “Dad Jokes.” You can read them for free on the web. I doubt anyone would throw you in jail if you repeated any of them.
Do you have to be a dad to tell Dad Jokes? Yes, if you tell a Dad Joke and you’re not a dad, that’s a “faux pa.” Rim shot.
The ultimate dad at the mall is the guy in the Santa Claus suit. He was walking around waving at everyone, taking pictures with kids and spreading good will.
I actually got lost in one of the big department stores. No kidding, I walked around and around the store and could not find the exit. It was embarrassing. I suspect they designed the store a lot like how they design Las Vegas casinos—to keep you trapped inside, spending your money.
Here’s a shot of the Amaryllis, Star of Holland, as of this morning.
Go Retire Psychiatrist 