cryptid – Go Retire Psychiatrist

OK, so last night I watched Don Wildman’s Van Meter Visitor (supposedly a mysterious Van Meter, Iowa cryptid) episode first seen over 100 years) from his show Beyond the Unknown. The season 3 episode first aired in October 9, 2021, and I’d never seen it before.

Wildman said that somebody investigated the history of this creature who was spotted in 1903 in Van Meter, Iowa and concluded that the 8-foot-tall monster with a huge shining beak was actually a great hornbill—a pretty big bird but hardly 8 foot tall (more like 3-4 foot).

Supposedly, according to some experts, this big bird escaped from an exotic pet enthusiast. It’s never seen in America and is native to India or Southeast Asia.

I can’t find anything on line that says anything about this explanation. By most accounts, the Van Meter Visitor is a cryptid that is unexplained to this day. I think there’s still an annual festival for it in Van Meter.

The cast of Expedition X (season 4, episode 2) also did a TV episode about the Van Meter Visitor on September 9, 2021. I might have seen it, but I don’t remember the conclusion. I’m pretty sure the team didn’t think it was just a big bird. I don’t know why the Expedition X episode appeared about the same time as the Beyond the Unknown episode. Maybe Don Wildman and Josh Gates joked about the Van Meter monster over lunch one day and decided they’d both do a show about it.

Hey, I’m open to the great hornbill explanation, but so far, I can’t find any links to web articles that agree with it. Heck, even AI says “There is no connection between the great hornbill and the Van Meter Visitor.” I didn’t ask AI; it just pipes up because I can’t block it.

If any readers know about the great hornbill explanation for the Van Meter Visitor, drop a comment!

I saw the Bigfoot episode of The Proof is Out There last Friday which purportedly showed thermal images of two Yowies, the Australian version of Bigfoot. I was shocked when host Tony Harris said the video was either a hoax or possibly Yowies—and went with “Possibly Yowies.”

Interesting name, “Yowie.” It sounds like something I’d yell if I accidentally touched a stovetop burner. Actually, a Wikipedia article about it says it was originally called “Yahoo,” which is something I might yell if I won the lottery.

Supposedly the thermal imaging shows two Yowies hugging a tree. The tree looked pretty skinny. I would think that a 9-foot tall, 800 lb. cryptid would crush rather than hug such a little tree. And will someone please tell me why DNA evidence, footprints, or poop samples were not obtained?

I quickly glanced at a few web articles which said there’s no physical evidence for the existence of the Yowie in Australia. I’m thinking it’s high time we capture one with a method that is guaranteed to work. Here’s how you catch a Yowie:

First you dig a hole and fill it with ashes. Carefully place peas around the hole. When the Yowie comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.

Then we can start serious scientific study of the critter. The first thing you have to learn is not to call it a critter, which is undignified. The proper title would be Sir Cryptid Yahoo Yowie, Esq.

Test whether it prefers beef jerky, vegemite, or politicians for lunch.

We might start by teaching Sir Yowie how to dance. No doubt you’ll recall the 1974 documentary film “Young Frankenstein” in which the Frankenstein monster does a pretty fair job of tap dancing.

See if Sir Yowie can learn how to juggle. One problem might be that it could be better at basketball, given its height and strength. You juggle while Yowie dribbles. Don’t argue.

See if it can learn to play cribbage. However, a crisis could arise if you don’t let it win the big annual American Cribbage Congress tournament (I think it’s in Virginia Beach, VA this year). How would you calm down a giant who smells like it needs a diaper change?