Bigfoot – Page 3 – Go Retire Psychiatrist

I’ve got one thing in common with a lot of people who say they’ve seen things like Bigfoot and UFOs. I’ve seen someone beat the Dollar Bill Jump Challenge but I can’t prove it.

I know there are a lot of people who say they’ve seen the Loch Ness Monster, ghosts, little gray aliens, Sasquatch, and who also claim to have eaten delicious fruitcake. That is to say I’ve seen a lot of blurry photographs, videos, and I’ve thrown out more than my fair share of fruitcake.

However, I also don’t have any video evidence for what I saw a guy at the YMCA do over 40 years ago, which was to jump forward over a broom handle while holding his toes. Don’t bother asking me why there was a broom in the weight room at the YMCA. Too many questions get in the way of a good story. This middle-aged jock was telling me and another youngster about this strong man stunt of jumping over a broom handle laying on the floor. He never mentioned a dollar bill, but it looks like this is usually part of the game.

He looked right at me and said, “You look like an athlete, let’s see if you can jump over a broomstick.” First of all, I was a skinny kid and didn’t look athletic—that’s why I was in the weight room in the first place. Furthermore, the guy had several conditions for jumping over a broomstick on the floor I didn’t know about before agreeing to try it.

You have to bend over in front of the broom handle (dollar bill) and grab your toes, keep your knees slightly bent, and then all you have to do is jump. Most of the time, the challenge is to jump over a dollar bill. I think you could injure your feet on a broom handle, so I advise against it.

There are variations on this game. It probably makes no difference if you lay the dollar crosswise or lengthwise. You always have to grab your toes, not let go when you jump, and land upright. There’s an ankle grabbing variation which I don’t think makes much difference, but the classic rule is you have to hang on to your toes.

The other kid and I tried to do this about a dozen times and we invariably let go of our toes or fell over or both. Then the middle-aged jock did it flawlessly. No, I didn’t have a camera. It’s too bad because a video would prove one way or another whether this stunt is possible.

On the other hand, I’ve seen a lot of videos and snapshots of Bigfoot on TV that are so terrible I can’t tell if I’m looking at a Bigfoot or a man in a monkey suit. I’ve never seen an alien, not even the corpse of one. I know, there are a lot of videos of UFOs, but they look like tic tacs and make me think of someone shaking a mini laser pointer in front of a cat to make it chase the light around. And I have not tried to eat fruitcake since I was little and my mom made me eat it because it was a Christmas gift from our church.

What would impress me is seeing a video of a Bigfoot ghost stepping out of a flying saucer while eating a big slice of fruitcake.

The one explanation I’ve found on line for why the dollar bill jump stunt is considered impossible is that your center of gravity has to move ahead of your base. The same article says you can jump backward easily because the support base moves first and the center of gravity stays in a balanced state. I can’t do that either. There are a couple of YouTubes that show a lot of people falling over. None of them tried it backward, although one guy tried it sideways and fell on his side.

For the record, my story of witnessing somebody beat the dollar bill jump is just that—a story. If you have a video of you or somebody beating the dollar bill jump challenge, let me know.

You’ve heard of the 1938 “War of the Worlds” radio broadcast by Orson Welles on The Mercury Theatre on the Air? Some people thought it caused a panic but it was introduced as just part of the radio program way ahead of time.

Well, I’m announcing way ahead of time that this post about Bigfoot’s purchase of a pair of Oxfords is just fiction so you don’t rush the shoe stores with your video equipment and lord knows what else.

You should also not storm the Terry Trueblood Trail looking for the cryptid’s footprints, although I think you might still be able to see them. They weren’t just footprints when I filmed them. It was as though someone or something extremely big and heavy, wearing shoes, had sunk into the concrete sidewalk with each step. That part is non-fiction.

We’ve walked the trail a half-dozen times over the past few years but we never noticed the footprints until just recently. I don’t think the sidewalk is newly poured, but it’s more likely than Bigfoot going for a walk on the trail. Then again, I’m used to seeing animal prints in sidewalks. They’re not shy about walking in wet cement—but things which wear shoes usually are.

It just so happens there have been reports of sightings of Bigfoot in Iowa, believe it or not. Nobody has ever captured one or even seen any dead ones. Some people think they’re not animals per se, and may be able to escape detection by jumping between space-time dimensions. Maybe that’s why the footprints abruptly stop on the trail. I wonder if it hurts to do that.

I can’t explain Bigfoot at all, much less why it would buy a pair of shoes—or where it would buy them. There would be a lot of excitement if it bought the shoes. People would faint in the aisles and the checkout person would be skeptical of an intergalactic credit card.

Maybe Bigfoot is an expert shoplifter, especially if all it has to do is leap between dimensions to escape the proper authorities. It could be that the reason why they knock on trees is to tell each other where the laziest shoe store security officers work.

When you figure all this out, let me know.