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Svengoolie Show Movie: “The Night Strangler”

I saw the 1973 made for TV movie “The Night Strangler” directed by Dan Curtis and starring Darrin McGavin as the investigative reporter Carl Kolchak. I’ve never seen the first Kolchak movie, “The Night Stalker.”

The gist of The Night Strangler plot is that some guy in Seattle is strangling women and getting a little blood from them. People are scared; Kolchak is putting clues together with a lot of help from a local newspaper archivist researcher Titus Berry (Wally Cox) while local police as well as Kolchak’s editor, Tony Vincenzo (Simon Oakland) spend a lot of time yelling at Kolchak—which just provokes him to yell back. Eventually Kolchak irritates everybody so much they all just haul him up to the top of the Space Needle and toss him through a window. He happens to land on top of the first of 6 belly dancers killed by the strangler.

She’s as white as a sheet, dead as a doornail and has decayed flesh around her neck. She’s so anemic as to be white as a fish belly though the coroner finds that only a few drops of blood were drained from her neck.

And that really gets Kolchak started. He’s an extremely annoying reporter who doesn’t take “no” for an answer from anybody, even the owner of the Pink Elephant car wash who refuses to let him run his old jalopy through it for free.

Kolchak always wears the same dingy suit no matter how many times he gets thrown from the Space Needle and ignores everybody who insists he have the suit dry-cleaned.

He takes pictures of cops being thrown around like rag dolls in an alley (not Post Alley where the Gum Wall is) by a bull strong man who apparently can also dodge speeding police cruisers like a running back.

However, the police confiscate Kolchak’s camera and put enough obstacles in his way to make me wonder if they’re in cahoots with the strangler who it turns out is also leading tours of the legendary Seattle underground and would give free tours to the cops who can get free box lunches from an old diner where human skeletons throw fish around just like they do at Pike’s Place Fish Market while letting rats crawl through their eye sockets.

Kolchak gets valuable insights from an old crone named Professor Crabwell (Margaret Hamilton, who also played the wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz) about a youth preserving potion that the strangler might be making—and just when she gets to the good part, a house drops on top of her.

When Kolchak and a brave belly dancer (who is beginning to dislike him as much as everyone else does) get to the underground, he tells her to give him about 30 minutes before she calls the cops to come and rescue him. How does he know he can hold off the strangler for longer than 30 seconds?

The ending is pretty good, mainly because you know you won’t have to listen to Kolchak anymore. I’ll give it a 3 shrilling chicken rating.

Will There Be a Men in Black 5 or Not?

As a big fan of the Men in Black (MIB) movies, my burning question is: Will there be an MIB 5 or not?

Probably not in my lifetime, which is sad. I’m not really as big a fan of any other films, despite what you might think of my Svengoolie movie reviews—which are always tongue in cheek.

I didn’t see the first MIB film when it came out in 1997 because I was too busy starting my career as a psychiatrist. It’s my favorite, but I can’t remember the first time I saw it. I’ve always thought the chemistry between Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones was priceless. One of my favorite quotes from that was:

Edwards: Why the big secret? People are smart. They can handle it. (this relates to why the subject of extraterrestrials on the planet is kept a big secret).

Kay: A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it. Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you’ll know tomorrow.

I Iiked the first sequel, MIB II (2002), although not as much as the first movie. And I just found out what Frank the pug meant by his question to Agent J about missing Laura. I always thought I heard Frank ask him: “What? Still sit and shiver?” That doesn’t make sense, of course. What Frank actually asked is “What? Still in shiva?” I finally just looked up the word “shiva.” Turns out it’s a Jewish term, loosely translated meaning a period of mourning, in this context of losing his girl.

I thought the third sequel, MIB 3 (2012) was really funny (all of them are funny). I always thought this one about time travel and getting trapped in the year 1969 was on target, partly because it was historically accurate. I lived through that era. Somehow, being able to laugh about it might be healing, in a way.

Jeffrey Price: Do not lose that time device or you will be stuck in 1969! It wasn’t the best time for your people. I’m just saying; it’s like a lot cooler now.

Agent J: How will I know if it works?

Jeffrey Price: You’ll either know…or you won’t.

I never watch MIB International (2019). Nothing against the actors; it just doesn’t do for me what Agents J and K do.

Anyhow, I doubt there’s ever going to be an MIB 5. I just wish the cable networks had not recently stopped showing reruns of the movies. Now it looks like the only way to see them is to subscribe to a streaming service, which is way too expensive just to feed nostalgia. I checked the Internet Archive. Comments on the videos mention their low quality. I know they’re available on DVD, but we don’t have a player anymore. I know I could play them on my computer, but I’m too lazy to sit at my desk. It’s just not the same as watching them while sitting in the living room in a really comfortable chair.

I’ve seen them so many times, I’ve practically memorized them anyway.

Upcoming Svengoolie Movie: “The Night Strangler”!

Svengoolie Intro: “Calling all stations, clear the air lanes, clear all air lanes for the big broadcast!”

This coming Saturday, the Svengoolie show movie will be the 1973 horror flick, “The Night Strangler” starring Darrin McGavin who plays an investigative reporter/detective named Carl Kolchak, which I’ve never seen. Neither did I see the first movie, “The Night Stalker.”

The setting is in Seattle. Apparently, there’s some monster serial killer who’s really, really mad about getting chewing gum stuck all over him whenever he goes hunting for victims on Post Alley. He’s written dozens of letters to the city about cleaning up the Gum Wall, which they actually do periodically, but hey, sticking chewing gum wads on the wall is a time-honored tradition, which Sena and I noticed when we were visiting Seattle on vacation about 9 years ago. Don’t lean up against the Gum Wall.

Anyway, the killer has come up with a plan to blow up the Gum Wall with dynamite to spite the Seattle city council, which Kolchak can’t figure out without consulting Artificial Intelligence (AI) until late in the movie. AI instructs Kolchak to build a rudimentary time machine which is this really souped-up car which, when it reaches warp speed, can send Kolchak back in time to the scene of the crimes and with the assistance of a kid named McFly, he can…no wait, that’s a different movie.

Upcoming Svengoolie Show Movie “Tarantula”!

Svengoolie Intro: “Calling all stations, clear the air lanes, clear all air lanes for the big broadcast!”

This Saturday’s Svengoolie movie will be “Tarantula,” about a giant tarantula in the Arizona desert who developed a huge brain and invented a brand new barbecue-flavored meatballs dish made out of humans and marketed to extraterrestrials who are pretty hungry after traveling from a far-away galaxy and abducting thousands of people who are just looking for a fun new ride on a spaceship and the giant tarantulas have 8 arms and are trying to learn how to juggle 32 persons because it’s well known that people can learn how to juggle 8 items and they have only two hands and—OK, so that’s not quite the story line but fun to think about.

Urgent Svengoolie Movie Update: “The Bad Seed”

I think I just found out why we have to tune in to the upcoming Svengoolie movie “The Bad Seed” an hour early this Saturday. It comes on at 6:00 p.m. because it’s two hours long!

There’s another crisis. The Iowa Hawkeye vs UMass college football game comes on at 6:40 p.m. tomorrow evening.

That means I’d have to choose between watching “The Bad Seed” or watching the football game. In order to see both I’d have to watch the movie on the Internet Archive.

That means I’d miss Svengoolie’s corny jokes. Hmmmm.

Upcoming Svengoolie Movie: “The Bad Seed”

Svengoolie Show Intro: “Calling all stations, clear the air lanes, clear all air lanes for the big broadcast!”

This coming Saturday’s (September 13^th) Svengoolie movie will be the 1956 Warner Bros. production of “The Bad Seed,” which is about a little psychopathic girl who dares another kid to knock a stick off her shoulder and when he does, he finds out with a shock it’s not a stick but a venomous snake which bites him on the nose, sending him to the hospital in an ambulance which careens off a bridge into a raging river full of giant piranha which—OK, so that’s not exactly how the movie goes and I’ve never seen it before.

The show is coming on at 6:00 p.m. central time instead of 7:00 p.m., just to let you know.

Svengoolie Show: “The Creature Walks Among Us”

I watched the 1956 Universal-International Pictures production of “The Creature Walks Among Us” last night on the Svengoolie show. It’s a movie about chain-smoking scientists who capture the aquatic Gill-Man, transform it into an air-breather and blow smoke into its face to make it cough. This annoys it so much it starts breaking stuff.

The scientist who pushes the whole project is Dr. William Barton (Jeff Morrow) who at times can be seen smoking 10 cigarettes simultaneously which sets his hair on fire. He’s bald for the rest of the movie, which doesn’t endear him to his wife Marcia (Leigh Snowden) who copes with his pathological jealousy by playing several musical instruments throughout the movie.

The team of scientists includes a geneticist, Dr. Thomas Morgan (Rex Reason), a prince of a guy who spars with Dr. Barton about the pros and cons of contributing to the delinquency of a major monster by altering its biology, moving it closer to the “jungle or the stars.” Dr. Barton doesn’t buy this metaphor and is bent only on pursuing a maniacal plan to teach the creature how to shoplift cigarettes and bottles of Thunderbird wine.

Dr. Morgan is sweet on Marcia but so is the guide, Jed Grant (Gregg Palmer). Marcia plays various musical instruments to keep between her and Jed, starting with a piano, progressing to a guitar and, when he gets more insistent on messing up her hair, she hauls out a cello!

The group of scientists catch the creature out on the river. They’re all smoking when it suddenly leaps into the boat and when it picks up a gas can spilling the contents all over itself, all they have to do is flick their cigarettes at it on a pre-arranged signal (Dr. Barton farts). While the creature is wrapped in flames, the crew takes a little while to figure out which fire extinguisher they should use (what works on scales, foam or dry chemical?).

Apparently, the Creature evolves spontaneously once it’s out of the water and grows a feeble set of lungs. The scales fall off to be replaced by skin, and it develops fingers. Then it tries to steal Marcia’s banjo.

The scientists imprison the creature in a pen which has an electrified fence, which Dr. Barton forgets to re-activate after he dumps Jed (whom he has knocked out with Marcia’s clarinet) in there to distract it.

This doesn’t fool the creature but I wouldn’t want to spoil the ending for you. The moral of the story is that smoking is bad for your health.

Svengoolie Show: “The Curse of Frankenstein” No Laughing Matter

The Svengoolie show last night was the 1957 Hammer production “The Curse of Frankenstein” starring the 3 stooges. Actually, this film was no laughing matter and this was my first time (and last time) seeing it.

That’s not saying it’s a “bad” movie. It’s just tough to come up with anything comical to say about a gothic horror flick that was inspired by Mary Shelley’s novel, “Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus.”

I’ve not read Mary Shelley’s novel and I only skimmed the Encyclopedia Britannica entry. That’s good enough for an old guy pretending to be a movie reviewer.

What hooked me, though, early on the film was a short dialogue between Paul Krempe (Robert Urquhart) and Elizabeth Lavensa (Hazel Court). Paul describes Victor Frankenstein (Peter Cushing) in contemptible and scary terms, to which Elizabeth reacts by saying that Victor is either “wicked or insane.” Paul answers that Victor is neither—which struck me as odd.

I would have no trouble saying Victor is evil, but what do I know? On the other hand, I ran across a couple of web articles that mentioned “psychopath” as a suitable label for someone who thinks nothing of pushing an old man like the scientific scholar Professor Bernstein (Paul Hardtmuth) over a banister to kill him in order to dig his brain out of his skull to insert into a do-it-yourself hodgepodge of spare body parts in an experiment to create a living being.

Victor, from the time he first meets Paul, presents as an insufferable, entitled brat lacking a conscience and by the time he reaches adulthood he’s the perfect example of someone with the most creepily severe case of antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) imaginable.

He gets the housekeeper Justine (Valerie Gaunt) pregnant, tricks her into entering the laboratory where the monster (Christopher Lee) kills her, marries Elizabeth and then abandons her on their wedding night in order to cheat in a cribbage game with the monster.

He pretends to bury the monster in the woods after Paul kills it by shooting it in the eye with an AK-47—then sneaks back to dig it up, carry it back to the lab and reanimates the wreck. He proudly shows it off to Paul, who throws up on him. This makes no difference to Victor who is always smeared with dirt anyway because he hangs out in morgues, graveyards, and golf courses (“as he approaches this critical putt, somebody leaps out and cuts off his feet”), filching eyes, hands, Adams apples and what have you to assemble and repair the monster.

There are big differences between Shelley’s monster and Hammer’s creature—the latter doesn’t speak at all while the former is eloquent. Hammer’s creature can barely stand up or sit down on command while Shelley’s monster can do triple axels skating across the Arctic ice as Victor pursues him.

During the movie, my mind often wandered off to memories of Mel Brooks’ “Young Frankenstein.”

Svengoolie Show Upcoming Movie: “The Curse of Frankenstein”!

Svengoolie Show Intro: “Calling all stations, clear the air lanes, clear all air lanes for the big broadcast!”

The Svengoolie show movie coming up this Saturday is Hammer’s 1957 production of “The Curse of Frankenstein”! Guess what? This time, Christopher Lee plays Frankenstein’s monster and—he has no lines at all. The movie is loosely based on Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley’s classic novel, “Frankenstein; or The Modern Prometheus.”

There’s lots of blood and gore, so wear goggles because the film was shot in SpatterVision. Don’t look for screws on the monster’s neck. I guess they were loose and fell off.

Svengoolie Show: “Horror of Dracula” Has a Funny Side!

Well, last night I watched Hammer Films 1958 production of “Horror of Dracula” and because we had some bumpy thunderstorm weather again in eastern Iowa, the movie had to share TV screen space with the weather report. No matter, it didn’t diminish the total creepy and comedic effect of the film. You heard right; I thought parts of it were comical. I know, Christopher Lee had only 7 minutes of screen time and none of it was humorous.

Now I’m sure you believe I hallucinated the comedy bits, but I can provide links to them to prove it. I never ask Artificial Intelligence (AI) anything, but it pipes up without prompting because I can’t get rid of it. AI denied there was any humor in it at first, but when I put the question indirectly by asking about one of the actors, AI had a different answer.

When I searched using the term “George Benson played what part in Horror of Dracula?” AI said: “In the 1958 film Horror of Dracula, George Benson played the role of a Frontier Official. He appears in scenes that border on slapstick comedy where his authority is undermined.”

I think this is interesting because I didn’t find any other web sites that remarked on humorous elements in the film.

The actor, George Benson, plays a coughing Frontier Official who Dr. Van Helsing (Peter Cushing) and Arthur Holmwood (Michael Gough) are questioning in an attempt to track the whereabouts of Dracula by pressuring the official to reveal where Dracula’s coffin was sent. The official coughs his way through various excuses and expressions of the need to obey the laws and so on. Holmwood makes a good show of dramatically waving money under the official’s nose, eventually succeeding by bribery to get the official’s cooperation.

There’s also some near-slapstick after Dracula crashes through the border barrier in his coach while fleeing from Holmwood and Van Helsing. The coughing Frontier Official has to fix the border crossing barrier with rope and a hammer. Right after that he’s frustrated again when Van Helsing and Holmwood crash through the barrier again.

These occur at 59:17 min and 1:16:13 min, respectively on the Internet Archive film I used for reference.

And there’s also an odd comedy bit with the undertaker at 1:03:34 min. J. Marx the undertaker and mortician (Miles Malleson) actually tells a humorous anecdote and slaps Van Helsing on the chest as he laughs at his own lame joke in the context of trying to find Dracula’s coffin. He can’t find it because it’s missing.

I think the humor helps offset the grim and creepy aspects of the film. Dracula (Christopher Lee) doesn’t have any lines after about the first half hour of the movie. He bares his fangs, drools blood, and ogles women while the women ogle back. There are references to addiction and seduction in the vampire’s motivations and the victims’ collusion with him. But eternal life has its drawbacks—skulking in the dark, fear of the light, and being unable to articulate dramatic lines because oversize canine teeth get in the way, just to name a few.

I think the movie might be too intense for sensitive viewers. Otherwise, I thought it was pretty good.