Go Retire Psychiatrist

Svengoolie Intro: “Calling all stations! Clear the air lanes! Clear all air lanes for the big broadcast!”

The movie “Idle Hands” was released in 1999 and, according to the Sven Squad, cost $25 million to produce and made only about $4 million at the box office. I can see why. But hang on, there are some bright spots—just maybe not the stars (see what I did there?).

I’ve never heard of this movie nor seen it before last night. Several times I just held up my hands and thought—What? There are a lot more hand jokes in this film than I can come up with, but I made connections with it that I didn’t see coming. Excusing its flaws would take a lot of hand-waving, but why bother? Most of time, the flaws are the movie.

Anyway, I saw a guy in the film I hadn’t seen in years, Fred Willard (Anton’s dad, Tobias). Devon Sawa played lazy stoner Anton Tobias. His two equally laid-back stoner buddies Pnub, played by Elden Henson, and Mick, played by Seth Green, get knocked off early in the film, but are resurrected to give Anton a hand in fighting his murderous hand. The gist of the movie is that Anton’s right hand gets possessed by a demon who slaughters everybody in sight because it can’t stand hand jokes. Anton’s right-hand man goes on a killing spree just in time for the high school Halloween party.

There’s a major medical angle to this film that nobody, not even the Sven Squad, touches and it’s the neurological disorder called Alien Hand Syndrome (AHS). This is a Thing (did you catch that, disembodied hand from the Addams Family TV show?) and there’s a recent scientific paper about it:

Manea MC, Iliuta FP, Manea M, Lacau RM, Varlam CI, Mares AM, Ciobanu CA, Ciobanu AM. Alien hand syndrome: Pathophysiology, semiology and differential diagnosis with psychiatric disorders (Review). Biomed Rep. 2024 Mar 11;20(5):74. doi: 10.3892/br.2024.1762. PMID: 38544960; PMCID: PMC10963944. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10963944/

Abstract:

“Alien hand syndrome (AHS) is an uncommon neurological condition characterized by involuntary, yet seemingly purposeful, movements of a limb, typically an upper extremity, with variable awareness and control by the affected individual. It is associated with a range of peculiar sensations, such as the feeling of limb estrangement, alien control and involuntary mirroring or restraining of movements. AHS indicates a profound disruption in volitional motor control and personal agency. The aetiology of AHS is the dysfunction of critical brain regions secondary to diverse neurological insults, such as tumours, vascular disorders, infarction or neurodegenerative diseases. It is clinically categorized into the parietal and callosal types, depending on the affected region, with manifestations often linked to the specific brain region affected. The callosal type is particularly challenging to diagnose due to its rarity and potential for nonspecific or concealed symptoms amid concurrent brain injuries. Distinguishing AHS from psychiatric disorders is crucial for accurate diagnosis and improved patient outcomes (bold-face type mine). Further research is imperative for a deeper understanding of the pathophysiology of AHS and the development of effective treatments. AHS predominantly affects adults and is frequently associated with multiple comorbidities. The syndrome is also exemplified by three distinct motor behaviours: Involuntary grasping, inter-manual conflict and limb levitation accompanied by the sensation of an alien limb or the perception of external control over one’s movements. It has a generally good prognosis with partial or total recovery following appropriate rehabilitation techniques, including pharmacological and psychological measures.”

I never was called about this syndrome when I was working as a psychiatric consultant in the general hospital. AHS is caused by brain injury but can be amenable to certain kinds of psychiatric treatment. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only person to recognize how AHS is connected to the film, but on the other hand, I think it’s worth mentioning.

The only place I could find alien hand jokes was from Artificial Intelligence (AI), which is astonishing because AI usually can’t come up with a joke.

Alien Hand Puns & One-Liners by AI

• “I couldn’t control my laughter; my alien hand took over and gave the joke a standing ovation.”
• “I asked my alien hand for advice, but it just kept waving hello to a UFO.”
• “My alien hand has a mind of its own—it keeps trying to abduct the TV remote!”
• “I wanted to give my alien hand a high five, but it tried to probe me instead.”
• “That joke was so out of this world, my alien hand threw itself a round of applause.”

I caught myself watching the clock a few times while watching this movie, but a long-lost memory got tickled by a particular scene. It’s the one in which a couple are making out in the car while the hand lurks nearby. The song playing on the car radio sounded familiar. I had to wait for a commercial (you never have to wait long for those on the Svengoolie show) so I could look up this song because there were unexpected connections.

The song is New York Groove by Kiss—I thought. That’s actually a cover and soundtrack credits confirm that; the original was by Hello in 1975.

One of the over 4,000 comments on this 1978 Kiss cover of the song done in 1975 by Hello implies that nobody over the age of 56 knows about this song—beg to differ. I didn’t go through all the Kiss version comments to see whether or not anybody knew that the original Hello version of the song was in the video game Grand Theft Auto (GTA). GTA players know that and the proof is in the comments. It was playing on the car radio on station Liberty Rock Radio. The anti-hero lived in Liberty City, which was a fictionalized version of New York City. Idle Hands was set in California. Was GTA ever based in California? Yes.

Don’t ask me how I know that. Sometimes it’s better the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing.

I hardly knew how to rate this movie. It sucks in a variety of ways, but it evoked memories and connections I forgot I had. I’ll give it a Shrilling Chicken Rating of 2/5.