I read this article about swearing being a good thing to do to increase your workout performance or whatever. There’s a link to the study that a researcher says supports that conclusion. I mean this story is talking about really bad words being good for you. It reminds me of a time when I was a pre-teen kid and broke my wrist falling out of a barn loft. I don’t remember exactly how I got to the emergency room. We didn’t have a car so our next-door neighbor must have driven me with my crooked arm and my hysterical mom to the hospital.
My mom was in the emergency room with me. When I cut loose with a torrent of really bad words, nurses had to practically carry her out because she fainted. This was right after I asked the doctor if it was OK if I swore and he said “Go ahead,” injected anesthetic—and immediately started to manhandle my wrist. I don’t think I ever swore in front of my mom before that.
I don’t remember if the swearing helped me withstand the pain or not. I don’t think so.
There was my other trip to a hospital for chest surgery when I was in my early teens. I had a chest tube after the operation. My roommate had undergone some kind of abdominal surgery. We had a lot of stitches and were in a lot of pain, which was bearable if we didn’t move at all. It even hurt to breathe. But the other factor was the TV in our room. It was way across the room and there was some kind of comedy show on. It was really funny—which made us feel really terrible. We could barely move and even had to talk quietly, yet this funny show made us laugh, which expanded our chest and abdomen areas, stretching the sutures. It was excruciating.
Even swearing would have hurt, not to mention laughing out loud. We really couldn’t stand to laugh and it was too bad I can’t describe the sound of two guys trying not to even chuckle. If you e4ver watched Loony Tunes cartoons and remember how Elmer Fudd sounded with he laughed—that was how we sounded because we were trying to suppress laughing. It was funny but pitiful. My roomie finally made this desperate slow motion move out of bed, crept to the TV and shut it off. I was so grateful. Neither one of us ever swore.
The other thing this swearing for power reminds me of is the movie Signs, which starred Mel Gibson as Graham Hess. It was about an alien invasion and in one scene, some people/aliens (they don’t’ yet know what) are running around the house and Graham’s brother Merril (Joaquin Phoenix) are getting set to chase them. Merril tells Graham to yell and curse, although because Graham is a former Episcopal priest, swearing is beyond him:
- All right, listen, we both go outside, move around the house in opposite directions. We act crazy, insane with anger, make them crap in their pants, force them around till we meet up on the other side.
- Graham Hess: Explain “act crazy”.
- Merrill: You know, curse and stuff.
- Graham Hess: You want me to curse?
- Merrill: You don’t mean it. It’s just for show. What?
- Graham Hess: Well, it won’t be convincing. It doesn’t sound natural when I curse.
- Merrill: Just make noises, then.
- Graham Hess: Explain “noises”.
- Merrill: Are you gonna do this or what?
- Graham Hess: No, I’m not.
- Merrill: All right, you want them stealing something in the house next time?
- [outside light comes on]
- Merrill: On the count of three. One…
- Graham Hess: All right.
- Merrill: two… three!
- Graham Hess: Ahh! I’m insane with anger!
- Merrill: We’re gonna beat your ass bitch! We’re gonna tear your head off!
- Graham Hess: I’m losing my mind! It’s time for an ass-whupping!
- [Merrill and Graham meet each other]
- Graham Hess: I cursed.
- Merrill: I heard.
Anyway, I think we have to make a distinction between cursing about something or cursing at someone before we start claiming, like the author of the study says:
“Swearing is literally a calorie-neutral, drug-free, low-cost, readily available tool at our disposal for when we need a boost in performance.”—psychology researcher Richard Stephens of Keele University in the UK.
Go Retire Psychiatrist 