7 Jan 2025 – Go Retire Psychiatrist

Anecdote alert! Sena just got back from shopping and had a priceless little story about shopping for a yardstick for measuring window film to apply on a door window. I suppose I should say that the title of this post is a dad joke that some people might not get.

Sena asked a Menards worker where to find a yardstick. She said the guy looked like he was in his thirties. His English was probably a little rough. He looked puzzled and directed her to the lawn and garden center. She clarified that a yardstick was something like a ruler. He replied that they didn’t carry school supplies.

Another worker was in the same aisle and chuckled. He directed her to where the yardsticks were.

You know, I haven’t seen a yardstick in a long time. We don’t own a ruler although we have a tape measure. Just to let younger people know, a yardstick is typically a piece of wood 36 inches long (which is 3 feet), marked off into inches, and used for measuring things.

The worker who didn’t know what a yardstick was could probably relate to football games because the length of the field is still divided into yards—but only if he’s a football fan, I guess. But you don’t measure distances to a first down on a football field with a yardstick. . Incredibly, they measure it with a chain between two sticks. None of your lasers for the officials.

We had a yardstick in the house where my brother and I grew up. You could also use it to reach stuff that rolled under tables. You could make comparisons by saying “By any yardstick, blah blah.”

And you can make dad jokes about yardsticks. By the way, the company that makes yardsticks won’t be making them any shorter either.

We’re waiting for the next snowfall. We’ve had a couple of light ones so far and we used shovels to clear our driveway and sidewalk. They didn’t amount to much, but we’ll get a heavy snow here pretty soon.

We’ve been using shovels for years. I’m aware of the risks for heart attacks in certain people, especially sedentary middle age and older men with pre-existing cardiac risk factors. I’m not keen on snowblowers, mostly because I like to shovel.

I’ve been using an ergonomic shovel for years, although the wrong way until about 4 years ago. I used to throw snow over my shoulder while twisting my back. Now I push snow with a shovel that has a smaller bucket or with a snow pusher with a shallow, narrow blade. I lift by keeping my back straight and bending at the knees, flipping the small load out. I take my time.

I don’t know how high my heart rate gets while I shovel. I exercise 3-4 days a week. I warm up by juggling. I do floor yoga with bending and stretching, bodyweight squats, one leg sit to stand, use the step platform, dumbbells and planks. When I’m on the exercise bike, I keep my heart rate around 140 bpm, and below the maximum rate for my age, which is 150 bpm.

I’m aware of the recommendations to avoid shoveling snow based on the relevant studies. I realize I’m way past the age when experts recommend giving the snow shovel to someone else.

The question is who would that be? There aren’t any kids in the neighborhood offering to clear snow. Maybe they’re too busy dumb scrolling. I’m also aware of the city ordinance on clearing your driveway after a big snow. They’re very clear, at least in Whereon, Iowa.

“The city of Whereon requires every homeowner to clear snow from sidewalks within 24 hours after a snowfall. This means you. If you fail in your civic duty to clear snow and ice from your walkway within the allotted time of 10 minutes, the city will lawfully slap you with a fine of $3,000,000 and throw your dusty butt in jail for an indeterminant time that likely will extend beyond the winter season and could be for the rest of your natural life and even beyond, your corpse rotting in your cell, which will not bother the guards one iota because of the new state law mandating removal of their olfactory organs. Hahahahaha!!”

In light of the strict laws, Sena ordered a couple of new snow removal tools. Neither one of them is a snow blower. I think it’s fair to point out that some cardiologists have reservations even about snowblowers:

There are even studies that show an increased risk for heart attacks among people using automatic snow blowers. Similar to the extra exertion of pushing shovel, pushing a snow blower can raise heart rate and blood pressure quickly–from “Snow Shoveling can be hazardous to your health” article above.

One of them is a simple snow pusher with a 36-inch narrow blade. That’s for me. The other is a cordless, battery powered snow shovel that looks like a toy for Sena. The ad for that tool includes a short video of an attractive woman wearing skinny jeans and her stylish coat open revealing her svelte figure while demonstrating how the electric shovel works. It appears to remove bread slice sized pieces of snow from the top of a layer which stubbornly sticks to the pavement. Call the Whereon snow police.

We should be getting both tools before the next big snow.