The Trouble with HOAs According to the X-Files

I just recently saw an old rerun of the X-Files episode, Arcadia. The Wikipedia spoiler link is here, but I’m going to talk about it anyway. Arcadia in Greek mythology was the home of the gods, Hermes and Pan. In the X-Files episode, though, it’s more like one of the deepest circles of Hell in Dante’s Inferno.

I think I saw this one in 1999, but I can’t be sure. I did vaguely recognize the fake names Mulder and Scully assumed when they investigated the Home Owners Association (HOA) cursed neighborhood to investigate disappearances of 3 residents. The fake names were Rob and Laura Petrie. Remember the Dick Van Dyke show about a cute, lovable, wacky married couple? You don’t? Shame on you!

The idea of the show’s nightmarish depiction of horrible HOAs was taken from the real-life experience of the guy who wrote the script. He arrived late in the evening to move in to his new house in the HOA—which fined him $1,000 for the offense of moving too late in the day. No kidding, this really happened to the poor guy.

Anyway, if you don’t mind your p’s and q’s in this neighborhood, a giant garbage goblin rises out of the yard and tears you limb from limb. Sound like fun?

Don’t put pink flamingos in your garden and definitely don’t put a basketball hoop in your driveway.

By now, those of you who have ever lived in an HOA know what this episode is driving at. We’ve lived in a couple of them and we didn’t care for the concept.

If you’ve never lived in an HOA, then you’re not just lucky. You’re probably part of a minority in this country because the HOA concept has been embraced by a growing number of Americans since the 1960s. I frequently see horrible news headlines about them in which people who don’t obey all the little rules get fined or worse. Often, the main recommendation by some experts is to take the HOA to court.

And maybe you’ll get a visit from the garbage goblin.