I saw the Bigfoot episode of The Proof is Out There last Friday which purportedly showed thermal images of two Yowies, the Australian version of Bigfoot. I was shocked when host Tony Harris said the video was either a hoax or possibly Yowies—and went with “Possibly Yowies.”
Interesting name, “Yowie.” It sounds like something I’d yell if I accidentally touched a stovetop burner. Actually, a Wikipedia article about it says it was originally called “Yahoo,” which is something I might yell if I won the lottery.
Supposedly the thermal imaging shows two Yowies hugging a tree. The tree looked pretty skinny. I would think that a 9-foot tall, 800 lb. cryptid would crush rather than hug such a little tree. And will someone please tell me why DNA evidence, footprints, or poop samples were not obtained?
I quickly glanced at a few web articles which said there’s no physical evidence for the existence of the Yowie in Australia. I’m thinking it’s high time we capture one with a method that is guaranteed to work. Here’s how you catch a Yowie:
First you dig a hole and fill it with ashes. Carefully place peas around the hole. When the Yowie comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.
Then we can start serious scientific study of the critter. The first thing you have to learn is not to call it a critter, which is undignified. The proper title would be Sir Cryptid Yahoo Yowie, Esq.
Test whether it prefers beef jerky, vegemite, or politicians for lunch.
We might start by teaching Sir Yowie how to dance. No doubt you’ll recall the 1974 documentary film “Young Frankenstein” in which the Frankenstein monster does a pretty fair job of tap dancing.
See if Sir Yowie can learn how to juggle. One problem might be that it could be better at basketball, given its height and strength. You juggle while Yowie dribbles. Don’t argue.
See if it can learn to play cribbage. However, a crisis could arise if you don’t let it win the big annual American Cribbage Congress tournament (I think it’s in Virginia Beach, VA this year). How would you calm down a giant who smells like it needs a diaper change?
Go Retire Psychiatrist 