UFOs – Page 4 – Go Retire Psychiatrist

Crazy Like a Fox

I finally got a picture of a fox not far from our property—but not close enough to get a good image. That said, it led me to do a little reading on the web about foxes. The most interesting item is the idea foxes might be able to locate prey under deep snow by using some kind of magnetic sense involving a protein in the retina called a cryptochrome. I’m not sure if this has been conclusively proven yet, but some scientists have said that this explains why foxes are able to find mice hiding in deep snowdrifts. They use a comical nose dive leap to catch them. It looks crazy, but it might increase their hunting success rate. Maybe that’s the origin of the expression “crazy like a fox”. Other animals, including bears, might be able to use this magnetic sense. Let’s hope not.

Bears don’t have a comical leap when they hunt. They’re anything but comical when they’re surprised. A land surveyor in Alaska surprised a brown bear recently and got badly mauled. The Associated Press news item title was “10 Seconds of Terror: Alaska man survives bear mauling.”

It’s a harrowing story although the man’s telling of it is almost eerily non-dramatic. He’s pretty matter-of-fact about the whole thing. It turns out he’s lived in Alaska for 40 years. He personally knows five other people who’ve been mauled by bears in Alaska. He even sounds like it would have been all the same to him if he’d been killed rather than injured. He didn’t sound like he was depressed or even unhappy, just calmly matter-of-fact.

That’s exactly how several Alaskans talk about what sounds like an absolute traffic jam of UFOs in the skies over the state. I guess I should call them Unidentified Aerial Phenomena (UAP) now that we have a government task force (The U.S. Office of Naval Intelligence) assigned to investigating them. It sounds a little crazy. I sometimes wonder if this might be an attempt to draw attention away from other things happening in the country that’s getting a lot of press. That might be crazy like a fox.

I’ve watched the show Aliens in Alaska a few times. Ordinary, everyday Alaskans tell their stories about the UAP they’ve witnessed. They all describe them in the same way the guy talked about getting mauled by a bear, even the ones who say they’d been abducted by aliens. One guy was pretty frank about his UAP story, and even joked that maybe he was putting himself at risk for getting hustled off to the Alaskan Psychiatric Institute (API). Most of the time, when people are telling these stories on other TV shows, they always seem to be a little hysterical, which makes them a little less convincing. But the way Alaskans tell their stories, it’s like hearing how they got mauled by a bear, no big deal (“…oh, and did I ever tell you how I won 10 straight games of cribbage, all with at least one perfect 29 score?”).

Come to think of it (for no particular reason), I’ve never heard of any episodes of bear mutilations. There are plenty of stories about cattle mutilations, which are often attributed to aliens. How come bears don’t get the same treatment? Maybe because they’d fight back. Getting back to that mauled land surveyor, when I was a land surveyor’s assistant back in the day in Iowa, the only trouble I had with animals was with pesky cows trying to tip our tripods over out in the fields—probably as revenge for cow-tipping. I didn’t tip cows. They never put the salad fork in the right place (rim shot).

Anyway, I saw a commercial recently made by Alaska Governor Mike Dunleavy, talking up Alaska as a major tourism destination, also touting the state as having one of the highest vaccination rates in the country for COVID-19, although that has been fact-checked. According to the commercial, among the many exhilarating experiences you can have in Alaska is to see the bears.

He didn’t mention the aliens (which I’d rather see than bears), even though it could be one of the biggest draws to the place given the soaring interest in UAP. Crazy like a fox.

Bigfoot, UFOs, and the Dollar Bill Jump Challenge

I’ve got one thing in common with a lot of people who say they’ve seen things like Bigfoot and UFOs. I’ve seen someone beat the Dollar Bill Jump Challenge but I can’t prove it.

I know there are a lot of people who say they’ve seen the Loch Ness Monster, ghosts, little gray aliens, Sasquatch, and who also claim to have eaten delicious fruitcake. That is to say I’ve seen a lot of blurry photographs, videos, and I’ve thrown out more than my fair share of fruitcake.

However, I also don’t have any video evidence for what I saw a guy at the YMCA do over 40 years ago, which was to jump forward over a broom handle while holding his toes. Don’t bother asking me why there was a broom in the weight room at the YMCA. Too many questions get in the way of a good story. This middle-aged jock was telling me and another youngster about this strong man stunt of jumping over a broom handle laying on the floor. He never mentioned a dollar bill, but it looks like this is usually part of the game.

He looked right at me and said, “You look like an athlete, let’s see if you can jump over a broomstick.” First of all, I was a skinny kid and didn’t look athletic—that’s why I was in the weight room in the first place. Furthermore, the guy had several conditions for jumping over a broomstick on the floor I didn’t know about before agreeing to try it.

You have to bend over in front of the broom handle (dollar bill) and grab your toes, keep your knees slightly bent, and then all you have to do is jump. Most of the time, the challenge is to jump over a dollar bill. I think you could injure your feet on a broom handle, so I advise against it.

There are variations on this game. It probably makes no difference if you lay the dollar crosswise or lengthwise. You always have to grab your toes, not let go when you jump, and land upright. There’s an ankle grabbing variation which I don’t think makes much difference, but the classic rule is you have to hang on to your toes.

The other kid and I tried to do this about a dozen times and we invariably let go of our toes or fell over or both. Then the middle-aged jock did it flawlessly. No, I didn’t have a camera. It’s too bad because a video would prove one way or another whether this stunt is possible.

On the other hand, I’ve seen a lot of videos and snapshots of Bigfoot on TV that are so terrible I can’t tell if I’m looking at a Bigfoot or a man in a monkey suit. I’ve never seen an alien, not even the corpse of one. I know, there are a lot of videos of UFOs, but they look like tic tacs and make me think of someone shaking a mini laser pointer in front of a cat to make it chase the light around. And I have not tried to eat fruitcake since I was little and my mom made me eat it because it was a Christmas gift from our church.

What would impress me is seeing a video of a Bigfoot ghost stepping out of a flying saucer while eating a big slice of fruitcake.

The one explanation I’ve found on line for why the dollar bill jump stunt is considered impossible is that your center of gravity has to move ahead of your base. The same article says you can jump backward easily because the support base moves first and the center of gravity stays in a balanced state. I can’t do that either. There are a couple of YouTubes that show a lot of people falling over. None of them tried it backward, although one guy tried it sideways and fell on his side.

For the record, my story of witnessing somebody beat the dollar bill jump is just that—a story. If you have a video of you or somebody beating the dollar bill jump challenge, let me know.

Keep Looking Up for UFOs

I’m sure you’ve already heard about the sighting of a UFO in the sky over New Mexico by an American Airlines pilot in the last few days. His recorded account sounds like he thought it might be some kind of long, cylindrical missile. It may or may not be the subject of an FBI investigation. I don’t know why the FBI should get involved. Heck, I have an unretouched snapshot of the darn thing by remote viewing via teleportation through a wormhole vortex. I’ve had lots of practice with this potentially dangerous maneuver, but you should not try this at home.

The original story I saw mentioned that the UFO was seen over a remote corner of New Mexico—close to a place called Des Moines. Don’t confuse that with Des Moines, Iowa. That doesn’t mean that UFOs never visit Iowa. It’s hard to know what to make of all those soybean mutilation reports.

There was a similar incident a couple of weeks ago. A UFO was reportedly spotted over Florida, although that one was said to be an actual missile. I got a shot of that one too, and I’m not so sure. Note the scorch marks on the fuselage.

It’s pretty frustrating that so few people get their cameras out when they see UFOs. You can claim that it’s adequate if we get recordings of pilots saying things like, “I’m seeing a UFO right now and it’s shaped kind of like a cross between a toaster oven and an Emu. I would say more but I’m being abducted as we speak. Can someone call my broker and tell her I want to buy more shares of crop circle futures?”

But a picture is worth a thousand words. How about those tic tac images? Has anyone contacted Ferrero Group to remind them that you need some kind of license to make UFOs? They’re too big to eat, by the way.

Some of you might remember the Public Broadcasting TV show Star Gazer hosted by Jack Horkheimer? He always closed the show by inviting viewers to “Keep looking up!”

That’s something we could all do more of. Keep looking up.

Try to Keep Your Buns Warm

I was out shoveling snow this morning in the subzero temperatures. It’s getting down to 20 and 30 degrees below zero with the wind chills today and tomorrow—and likely beyond. Try to keep your buns warm in weather like that. Sena helped by making hot cocoa when I came in for a break. Little things like that make a big difference. Like many other people in the country, we’re getting out despite the wind chill warnings. There are a couple of reasons for that. None of us want our neighbors falling on our sidewalks. The other reason is that you look for just about any kind of a break from the indoor routine caused by the Covid-19 pandemic, part of which is the TV show lineup.

On the other hand, I get a kick out of the Ancient Aliens program. Last night, William Shatner, the Star Trek star who has his own show about the weird and wonderful, UnXplained. He sat at the head of a table lined by a group of Ancient Aliens heavy hitters, along with video guest stars including physicist Michio Kaku. I think Shatner was playing the role of devil’s advocate, apparently trying to argue against the idea that aliens are driving their UFOs recklessly around our planet while intoxicated on oregano, crashing them on the Weather Channel’s Highway 401 in British Columbia, forcing the Heavy Rescue crews to pull them out of ditches using 65-ton rotators (which look like they’re from another planet, by the way) and occasionally kidnapping various humans for the odd anal probing.

Anyway, I suspect Shatner was playfully provocative and this got the Ancient Alien crew to talking loudly and rapidly all at once, interrupting each other and challenging Shatner to a knife fight and whatnot. Just kidding; they were all very polite and respectful.

Me at the Star Trek Museum in Riverside, Iowa in 2016

I think it’s possible to take the Ancient Aliens show too seriously. I really wondered why Shatner was invited as a guest on Ancient Aliens. Maybe they don’t take themselves as seriously as some people think. Well, OK, they probably do.

In fact, I don’t think Shatner takes his own show, The UnXplained, seriously. I wonder if the title of the show is a sort of jab at the X-Files? Remember the 1999 episode, “The Unnatural”? Josh Exley (played by Jesse Martin) was an alien who took the form of an alien and was an excellent baseball player. He hid among an all-African American baseball team in Roswell in the 1940s but was executed by an alien bounty hunter who didn’t want him mixing with the human race. Think about that irony. The episode was warmly comical and at times, even poked fun at the preoccupation with alien invasions. I actually liked Jesse Martin’s version of the gospel song “Come and Go with Me to That Land.” There is no full version of it, but I also liked Sam Cooke’s rendition. Sena and I both really enjoyed watching the X-Files while eating popcorn. I treasure the memory.

Well, the sun is shining and it has finally almost stopped snowing. I have to go back out and finish shoveling.

Have a great Valentine’s Day tomorrow.

Alone in the Universe on National Nothing Day

I’m writing this post because I just found out that tomorrow is National Nothing Day, so I won’t have a chance to write it then. Ever heard of it? The legend is that a San Francisco Examiner humor columnist, Harold Pullman Coffin, created it in 1973, probably in reaction to the proliferation of holidays in general. National Nothing Day falls on January 16 and “observing” it means you do nothing all day.

How you do nothing is up to you. The holiday from doing leads into the idea of nothingness, one example of which might be outer space. The notion that nothing is out there and that we’re alone in the universe is always up for debate. In fact, in a recently posted science news item, the author announced a study finding that there are “only” a few hundred billion stars out there, not 2 trillion as previously estimated. Therefore, that makes it more likely earthlings are alone in the universe.

No kidding, that’s what the author concluded. I couldn’t find that conclusion in the study’s findings, but I didn’t read much between that and the introduction. It’s pretty technical.

I’d like to hear your thoughts about whether we’re alone in the universe. I don’t know whether life is out there on other planets, but I hope so. The feeling of being alone in the universe sometimes makes me a little gloomy.

I’m reminded of quotes from Men in Black 2 (what doesn’t remind me of Men in Black movies?). Agent J asks his partner, Agent T, “T, when was the last time we just looked at the stars? Then he asks, “Ever get the feeling we’re alone in the universe?” Agent T says “Yes” and then a second later says “No” because he thinks the questions are some kind of test he needs to pass. When Agent J offers to buy him a piece of pie, Agent T puts his arm around him and says reassuringly, “Hey, you’re not alone in the universe.”

You could ask why Agent J, one of the Men in Black agents who police and monitor all alien life on planet earth, would ask such a question at all? He’s busting the chops of beings from other planets every day. I think what he means is that he feels alone for a different reason. He had to give up his identity as a regular person in order to be one of the Men in Black. No one can ever know him—or love him. You’ll have to watch the movie to see how that works out.

On the other hand, feeling alone in the universe is a pretty big deal to many people. In fact, for astronomers and non-scientists, it’s intriguing to speculate about it. What are humans doing here anyway? What is earth, besides being a planet in one of the many galaxies? What other life forms could be out there and what’s our relationship to them?

What if earth is some sort of exile or prison planet? Remember the 1981 movie, Escape from New York, with Kurt Russell as Snake Plissken and Lee Van Cleef as Hauk? Manhattan is the maximum-security prison for the entire country. I’m not knocking New York City; we loved our visit there several years ago. I got a senior discount on my ticket for the visit to the top of the Empire State Building.

“I’m not jumping off of this building!”–Agent J in Men in Black 3 on the Chrysler Building in New York City

Another example is Men in Black 3, in which the heavy, Boris the Animal (“It’s just Boris!”), an intergalactic psychopathic alien, was imprisoned in Lunar Max, a supermax prison on the dark side of our moon.

The Ancient Alien theorists have ideas that are just as speculative. We’re the Martians; we have alien DNA zipped into our own. Some people believe they are abducted by aliens, who conduct weird experiments on them. The kind of questions that arise echo that of the character Newton in Men in Black 2: “What’s up with anal probing? Aliens travel billions of light years just to check out our…” Newton gets abruptly interrupted by the impatient Agents K and J, but I think his question is good.

I’ve noticed there a lot more TV shows with UFO content now. Some of them talk about recently declassified documents from the military and the government. People are interviewed who have been told never to reveal what they’ve seen and heard—by supposedly real Men in Black and military officers. The witnesses come forward and discuss their experiences with fear on their faces and a few of them probably wish they’d been neuralyzed.

I don’t know what to think of it, except that sometimes I wonder if maybe we’d be better off if we were truly alone in the universe. By the way, remember to do nothing tomorrow. This will confuse the aliens.