knock down furniture – Go Retire Psychiatrist

Once More Unto the Breach of the Zinus Bed Frame Assembly

We had yet another opportunity to put together a Zinus platform bed, this time for our King size mattress.

That’s right; we didn’t learn from our experience a couple of years ago. We did it because we got rid of the old bedstead, the disassembly of which led to my left ankle injury in June. Since then, I’ve either slept on the mattress which was on the floor or on a lumpy hotel bed.

Actually, the assembly wasn’t all that bad. It did take longer than I expected, given that we went through this routine with the other bed in 2022. Again, we had the benefit of that handy little ratchet hex head wrench although I did get a charley horse in my right thumb after we got the frame assembled.

The bed was delivered in the early afternoon, I don’t remember exactly when because I was delirious by the time we finished a little after 4:00 in the afternoon. Some reviewers said one person could finish the job in a half hour. You know, time gets distorted when you’re delirious from overuse of a little ratchet hex head wrench.

When all is said and done, the choice to go with the DIY knock down furniture again still made sense. It can cut the total cost by hundreds of dollars for a similar product shipped preassembled from XpensiveStuffStore.

But a lot of sweat equity is involved, especially when the parts have confusing labels. For example, the 4 sides were labeled Left (L) and Right (R) but there didn’t seem to be any way to tell what the frame of reference was. Was it the head or the foot of the bed? Why did we end up putting both R and L sides on the same side of the bed? And why did that even work?

Don’t answer that question unless you have assembled this frame and know the correct answer. I still don’t.

It took more time and effort than it should have because I forgot to postpone tightening all screws until all the parts were screwed together. If you decide to do your own assembly and start getting the idea that a sledge hammer should have been included in the hardware box—loosen all the screws.

What comes to mind is the phrase “Once more unto the breach,” a phrase from Shakespeare, about which I know almost nothing. I think the whole quote is “Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more or hang up the hex head wrench before you get a charley horse.”

Chin Technique for Sofa Table Assembly

There are a few handy man jobs Sena lets me do around the house. They tend to be chores like Knock Down Furniture assembly. The most recent job was a small sofa table. You know, usually the companies send you a cheap tool to put things like this together. This time they didn’t enclose a hex head wrench—because they didn’t use hex head screws. The sofa table came with Phillips head screws—but no Phillips head screwdriver. No problem; I have one of those.

In the video I made, I mention the chin technique to use when you’re putting stuff like this together by yourself. You just hold on to the parts with your chin pressing against your shoulder. I don’t have a patent on it yet.

Knock Down Furniture Will Knock You Down

There are many names for ready-to-assemble furniture, including flat pack furniture, or knock down furniture. We’ve never bought IKEA furniture, but it’s the same kind of thing and there are a ton of memes about it.

I kind of like the name “knock down furniture” because it best explains how we feel sometimes after we’ve tackled a tough project—like the chair we got recently. It looked like a simple chair, but it came with a tiny Allen wrench and there were way too many bolts, two different kinds of washers, those fussy little barrel nuts that drive you nuts, dowels, screws and you needed extra tools besides the Allen wrench (well, just a Phillips head and a flat head screwdriver). I guess I got spoiled after getting a mini-rachet driver Allen wrench in addition to the manual one which came with the platform bed kit we recently got.

The dreaded Allen wrench and other offenders

It took us all day to figure out how to get the seat back to fit between the legs so the bolt holes would line up. We came really close to deciding we’d have to return it. I installed the apron (the part which fits between the two legs in front and requires dowels for which you need a mallet) upside down. I’m not blaming it completely on the instructions—OK, I am blaming it completely on the instructions. Sometimes a thousand words would be better than a lousy picture.

By the way, I think Allen Wrench Arthritis (AWA) is a thing.

Contrast that with the love seat which was much larger, did not require any tools at all and barely took 30 minutes to assemble. We didn’t break a sweat. The only reason I look forlorn in the picture of me holding up the seat back is because I’m still suffering from PTSD after the little chair assembly.

I think the best knock down furniture piece would require no tools, have only 4 or five pieces to sort of snap together and take no more than 20 minutes to assemble.