Go Retire Psychiatrist

By now, everyone has seen the story about the Bigfoot sighted in Damariscotta, Maine.

The local police found out way too fast that it was just a guy in a costume. An interesting sidelight was that the people in Damariscotta (Damariscottamans? Damariscottites? Damariscottimanians?) all came together to make sure friends and neighbors were safe from Bigfoot.

Well, we have some circumstantial evidence for a clever plot schemed up by squirrels and Sasquatch.

My wife and I take walks around the block together and we have noticed lately that the sidewalk is littered with pieces of walnut shells all over a short stretch of the path. It’s just in one short stretch under a walnut tree.

Have you ever tried to walk on walnut shells? You could easily trip or slip on them. You don’t have to use much imagination to come up with the idea that this could be a clever plan that the squirrels and Bigfoot cooked up to capture unwary humans.

We have stepped carefully around the nutshell fragments so as not to slip and fall down. Because if that happens, Bigfoot could rush out and snatch us, and then force us into the wormhole vortex that these cryptids use to travel back and forth between their galaxy and our planet. It’s well known that Squatches are interdimensional critters.

So, we’re just warning everyone to be careful of this ingenious snare. We don’t yet know exactly why squirrels and Sasquatches are teaming up to pull off this stunt.

But we want to follow the example of the fine Damariscottasamaritans. Thank you for your time.