Well, I’m sure you’ll be relieved to know that I am lucky to still be independently mobile today after eating the FULL Panera Bread green goddess chicken cobb salad—as in full stomach.
I’ll admit I didn’t know what I was getting into. You know the salad is big when it comes with a ladder.
It’s supposed to be a healthy salad although there are cautions about the green goddess dressing—don’t worry, it was barely noticeable.
I got it around noon at the mall. It’s a bad time to try to get lunch because half the city is in there and they’re all hungry. You know it’s busy when potential customers are told the wait is 45 minutes. I was lucky; I think I waited around 15 minutes. Tables were hard to find. I ducked into a booth two guys were busy thumb wrestling for.
You need to bring an axe because, of course, you’ll have to slaughter the chicken—after she lays the eggs because they go on the salad. Plan on extra time to pick the tomatoes—in the back; way in the back.
This thing about the eggs in the salad probably began with the story about how the cobb salad got started. I read that it started in the 1930s after the Hollywood Brown Derby restaurant closed for the night and the salad supposedly was invented by the owner, Robert Howard Eggs…no, wait, that’s Cobb.
Cobb was starved around midnight because he’d been working hard all day wondering what the difference was between a bowler hat and a derby hat and why in heck had he not picked the name the brown bowler for his restaurant because of the alliterative effect and so had not eaten all day.
So, Bob Cobb grabbed whatever leftovers were in the kitchen at the time and thought it was terrible. He texted Domino’s and while eating their famous egg pizza had a brainstorm about marketing a salad with eggs in it and naming it after Ty Cobb because he was observed once having bacon and eggs for breakfast.
Remember, this history moment was brought to you by Serutan; that’s Natures spelled backwards.
They had to carry me out of Panera’s in a wheelbarrow.
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