Shoehorn Thoughts

Sena got us three new shoehorns. They’re different sizes: the usual 6-inch, an 11-inch, and a 16-inch.

Of course, you could ask why anyone would need a 16-inch shoehorn. The simple answer is that it’s to help you get your boots on. But would you be able to get it on an airplane in your carry-on bag? Well, one wisecrack answer would be “Yes, if your carry-on is big enough.” I’m not sure what the TSA would say about it.

What if an obstreperous airline passenger was perturbed about not getting his complimentary in-flight Zagnut bar snack, got his carry-on and pulled out that steel 16-inch shoehorn, demanded his complimentary Zagnut and started waving it around like he’s a samurai?

I don’t know the answer, which is yet another reason why I’m reluctant to get on an airplane these days.

Another question I can’t answer is whether those new slip-in Skecher shoes eliminate the need for shoehorns. I couldn’t find a clear answer. On the other hand, I did find out that a few people, including lawyers, think some Skecher shoes can lead to tripping and sustaining injuries that could potentially be worth a small fortune in class-action lawsuits.

I have a pair of Skecher shoes which do seem to make me trip more often than I normally would, even for a geezer. And while I can use a 16-inch shoehorn to get them on, I have to stoop over and straighten out the bunched-up fabric on the top part of the shoe, and just like that I get another back spasm just like the one which drove me to use the shoehorn in the first place.

And where do you store these extra long shoehorns? Sure, they’ve all got a small hole in the handle, which fools you into thinking you could just hang it on one of the coat hanger hooks in your mud room. But the holes are too small. I could tie a shoelace on it and hang it on a coat hanger, but that’s too much work. I guess I could tie a fishing line on it, but I want to store it someplace, not catch a marlin with it.

I found one web site which claimed you can take socks off with a 16-inch shoehorn. Let’s think about that. It’s steel and the edge, while not razor sharp, could tear a hole in your sock. Or it could leave a scratch on your leg or foot. You could do both if you’re handy with a weapon like that.

That sounds like a class-action lawsuit. I should call them and find out what my case could potentially be worth.