Unboxing The Lucid Mattress Topper

Remember the Zinus platform bed and mattress (bed in a box) story? The mattress was a little on the firm side for Sena, so she ordered a Lucid 3-inch gel foam topper for it.

We got it. It’s a memory foam mattress topper, with cooling gel and aloe infused with a plush cover. It was coiled up in box, and exploded like a nuclear bomb after we opened it. We’ll have to replace the bedroom wall, but otherwise it’s a pretty nice little topper.

Just kidding.

Lucid gives you a handy little knife to cut the plastic, which worked pretty slick. The memory foam has ventilation holes to release the heat that can build up, create a 4 alarm fire, burn down your house, make you homeless for a couple years, living in a refrigerator carton over a sidewalk sewer grate which on average allows one person to fall through every 20 months in case you’re wondering, leading to meeting new people occasionally who report you to the police, who arrest you for vagrancy, though most judges are lenient, resulting in a 3 day stay hotel voucher where you can pick up a few square meals and a dozen or so bedbugs, sending you the hospital ER for treatment, after which a social worker arranges for you to move into a low budget condo with a Home Owners Association with rules against platform beds with memory foam toppers, protecting you for life as long as you don’t plant creeping charley in your side yard.

The topper flattened out in about half an hour. Sena was having to sort of jump up to get on the bed before, so now she’ll need a stepladder or a jet pack.

Author: James Amos

I'm a retired consult-liaison psychiatrist. I navigated the path in a phased retirement program through the hospital where I was employed. I was fully retired as of June 30, 2020. This blog chronicles my journey.

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