The Ultimate Chicken Wishbone Pull

We’ve had this chicken wishbone on our kitchen counter for 3 days and we decided that was long enough to let it dry out. We’ve done this wishbone tug-of-war before and I won. Sena wanted a rematch and make it official.

It’s legal to do the wishbone pull contest with a chicken furcula (the anatomically technical name, which is Latin for “nasty little chicken bone”). And you don’t have to do it on Thanksgiving. You can look it up in the official Chicken Wishbone Rule Book in Washington, D.C.:

Article 7, number 349, sub-paragraph 88, line 42, mayo on the side:

“It is legal to use a chicken wishbone to make a wish, and you don’t have to do it on Thanksgiving.”

Now that it’s settled to everyone’s satisfaction, can we move on? We set this up so there would be no confusion about the rules and what’s disallowed (nothing).

The wishbone should be dry after a few days, or whenever you get tired of looking at that ugly forked bone on your kitchen counter.

According to tradition, if you and your opponent hold the opposite ends of the wishbone, make a wish, pull the opponent off his feet, place him in a half nelson (not a full nelson because remember, one hand is holding your end of the wishbone), roll strategically out the back door and into the rear yard, find some deer poop and liberally smear it on your opponent’s face (according to official Washington, D.C. code requirements), switch to a step over toe hold (it is forbidden to clench the wishbone between your teeth during this maneuver, subject to penalty points), and immediately knee him in the groin while chewing off his ear, starting at the top, (points off for chomping from the bottom), and win by coming away with the longest fragment, as determined by congressional hearing, and if you’re not in a nursing home by the time it’s concluded, you’re declared the winner and your wish may or may not be granted, depending on whether you blab about it at any time before you die.

There are a few tricks to know. If you hold your side of the wishbone toward the middle and let your opponent do all of the pulling, you’re more likely to end up with the longest fragment.

When both of you know that, wishbone pulling contests can turn into marathons. The longest one on record was 50 years, according to the biggest liar on the face of the earth, who shall remain nameless for the time being.

Author: James Amos

I'm a retired consult-liaison psychiatrist. I navigated the path in a phased retirement program through the hospital where I was employed. I was fully retired as of June 30, 2020. This blog chronicles my journey.

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